Hi midwestmom,
Welcome to the Parenting Board, we are happy to have you join us here.
I'm sorry to learn that your marriage is being negatively affected by your step daughter's behaviors. Being a step mother to an adult child with BPD can be rough on all the family relationships, we can help. The ability to empathize with your husband's fears and see this from his perspective can help your relationship with him. Learning about the disorder and why your step daughter does the things she does can help you better manage your relationship with her. It's a lot to deal with and takes an investment of your time and energy.
Here is some information to read that may help you better understand your husband's struggles:
Emotional Blackmail-Fear, Obligation, and Guilt (FOG)And this is a good place to begin to understand the disorder and what drives your step daughter's behaviors:
Lesson 1One of the truths we operate from is that we must take care of ourselves so that we can take care of others. Burn out is common and self care must be a priority to prevent it. How do you take care of you? One way is to have others who understand what we are going through to talk to (that's us
) another is to have an individual therapist. Have you thought about getting a therapist (t) to work with you?
lbjnltx