Games

[Eco]

My 2 yr old daughter has started playing these games with me and my mom where if you ask her a question she will answer no when she means yes.

I know its age appropriate to do this but one thing has me concerned, when I ask her if she loves daddy she gets very annoyed and wont answer but after I say that its ok to love daddy she lightens up about it and will say that she does. I don't ask her that often but I do tell her " daddy loves you" many times a day with no issues, today I told her that and she got annoyed at me when I said it.

my daughter is very confused right now because my ex has me dropping my daughter off at the daycare now and not directly to her. That's fine with me because the less I see of my ex the better but my daughter is very confused by this. In just 2 weeks time my daughter has gone from wanting to come back to me at drop offs and protesting my leaving to not saying goodbye and looking at me as though she is very mad at me.

another thing is I had to start taking pics of my daughters back and stomach before she goes back to her mom so I have evidence that she isn't getting a rash while in my care like my ex has accused me of. My daughter loves getting her picture taken but when I was taking a picture of her back and stomach she got very annoyed, she did the same thing when she had a black eye and I took a photo of that. It was like she was trying to hide it. 

This is what my ex wanted, this all started because my daughter started wanting to come back to me at drop offs. My daughter was starting to really relax around me when my ex was present, she acted like a weight had been lifted and it was ok to love daddy and be normal with me. That was when we were getting along with each other and being civil but my ex picked up on the fact that my daughter was really starting to get closer to me and she just cant allow that to happen or god forbid that my daughter might actually get closer to me then her.

I hate to say it but I see my ex as a warden running a prison and not a mother running a house, she is so rigid and stifling. If you look at all her kids they have a depressed look about them a battle worn look. My daughter didn't look that way because she was to young but she is starting to dawn that look more and more. Im bitter and frustrated right now because I spend so much effort and time trying to build a good relationship for my daughter with me and just when I feel like ive made a lot of progress my ex breaks it into a thousand pieces and I feel like I have to start over.

Im so tired of hearing my exs craziness, her way off the wall and obvious tactics to try and alienate me from my daughter. My 11 year old son makes more sense then her, her reasoning for doing things is so twisted right now its scary. I could give examples from the 50 texts she has sent in the past week but whats the point, im sure most of you have heard the same, just a different person saying it. I say to myself at least once a day " this is the person in charge of my daughter and running things?"

on a positive note I had my daughter this past weekend and it was a great weekend each weekend seems to be better then the last with her    

[Turkish]

Eco,

To be blunt with you, why do you ask your D if she loves you? She's not responsible for your feelings. You're in a tough situation, searching for answers, and that's understandable. But D2 needs to be sheltered as best as possible from her parents' emotions regarding the seperation... .

Children engage in splitting. S5 doesn't do it so much anymore, but D3 does. She was mad at me because I nixed their reading time because they thought it was funny that they locked me out of my room and didn't open the door for ten minutes. D3 got mad and started screaming when I put them to bed. Shook her head "no" when I said I was gong to give her a kiss goodnight. She was still upset with me because I put her in the other room on a time out because she was testing my boundaries by screaming. It ended by me kissing her head goodnight anyway. She was playing the said a bit. She smiled and was happy.

I never ask my kids if they love me. To me that feels like FOG. Sad, mad, seeming to even hate me momentarily when I discipline them, that's ok. They need to feel what they feel at the time. That's not about me, it's about them.  They're children, emotionally immature.

[Eco]

To be blunt with you, why do you ask your D if she loves you?

really its more of a curiosity thing, I believe actions speak louder then words and my daughter shows that she loves me. I tell my daughter all the time that I love her but I never get much of a response so my curiosity sets in and my need to know why takes over. im very analytical ( too much sometimes) so I start analyzing things, I think I get myself in trouble by trying to counter what my ex is doing. My goal is to let my daughter know that its ok to love daddy no matter what mommy says, I would hate to think that she felt wrong for loving her dad and I imagine that would cause issues for her later in life.   I keep reminding myself that she is only 2 and just enjoy my time I have with her and not worry so much about what my ex may or may not be doing. Any suggestions on how to help my daughter with any conflict she may be having on this issue? reflecting on this now feels like it was a mistake to ask her that so another way seems best at this point.

She's not responsible for your feelings.

 

absolutely, I agree 100%

[Eco]

I never ask my kids if they love me

I never did with my son who is 11 now, his mom never talked bad about me or tried to alienate me from him so I didn't have that worry. I can see how I let my feelings cloud my judgment on things, I can see how that could lead to fog. maybe that's why it annoyed her

[Turkish]

Eco,

Sorry for my late response. My baby,.D3 told me "I like you!" Last week when I told her I loved her... .I laughed inside.

If you D isn't telegrahping any signs of PA (and it sounds like she isn't,.she sounds like she really loves her Daddy), then I would let it be. Validate however she feels at the moment. Your Daddy-Daughter r/s at this point seems very secure, and it makes me smile, having a daughter not too much older. These are precious times.

[Eco]

Sorry for my late response. My baby,.D3 told me "I like you!" Last week when I told her I loved her... .I laughed inside.

If you D isn't telegrahping any signs of PA (and it sounds like she isn't,.she sounds like she really loves her Daddy), then I would let it be. Validate however she feels at the moment. Your Daddy-Daughter r/s at this point seems very secure, and it makes me smile, having a daughter not too much older. These are precious times

Thanks Turkish, That's the best thing I think is to let it be. I just need to find the right way to let her know her feelings for me are ok and that its ok to love mommy and daddy. I don't want her to feel that when she is with her mom that she cant like dad and when she is with me she cant like mom. I don't want her to feel like she has to pick sides, Im doing my part to make sure that doesn't happen but sadly my ex isn't.

I just have to keep doing what im doing