Good morning?

[rob95]

Hi all,

First of all, I am thrilled to have found this website yesterday.  I have already read 1.5 books on BPD, as I recently have come to accept that my wife may very much be a high functioning BPD (maybe a mix between BPD and NPD).  Here is my copy of the relationship profile, for those interested:

https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=146202.msg12624923#msg12624923

The most urgent issue at this point is that she has gotten physically and verbally abusive towards me.  After drinking, she does it in front of the kids.  She woke me up at 3:30 in the morning with our youngest son (who came over after a nightmare).  She slapped me in the head to wake me up and then started talking separation and divorce.  Our son had to hide his head under the pillow with his fingers in his ears.  She was loud enough to wake up the other kids in their rooms.  I did a SET and started to leave to stop the rage, but realized that I couldn't leave her there alone with the kids.

Luckily, she withdrew after that and moved to the coach to fall asleep.

In retrospect, I probably should have called the cops, but I just don't know if I can follow through on it.  I haven't threatened it, because I am not sure I could actually do it.  Not even sure if that is the right thing to do.

[RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING]

RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members are welcomed to express frustration but must seek constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[vortex of confusion]

 

I wanted to take a minute and welcome you to the forums.

It sounds like you are in a tough spot. I have been with my husband for 17 years and have 4 kids so I understand your desire to make things work for the sake of the kids.

I would recommend starting with the lessons that you can find down the right side of the forum. One in particular that might be helpful for you is the one on Domestic Violence against men. Here is the direct link: https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=87480.0

Is there any possibility of either of you getting any kind of counseling or support? With kids and lack of financial stability, paying for a counselor/therapist can be very difficult. If that is not available, there are different types of support groups that you can look into that might give you some kind of support in real life.

 

[rob95]

Thanks for the warm welcome.

My parents have offered to pay for a therapist.  But, they are also helping with the financial issues, so I feel REALLY guilty about putting that burden on them too (did I mention that I am particularly prone to guilt?).  They have been a rock, even though my wife has tried to wedge them out of my life and denied access to the kids.

How do I go about finding a support group?  I live in Houston, so I would think that it would be a big enough city.

[vortex of confusion]

My parents have offered to pay for a therapist.  But, they are also helping with the financial issues, so I feel REALLY guilty about putting that burden on them too (did I mention that I am particularly prone to guilt?).  They have been a rock, even though my wife has tried to wedge them out of my life and denied access to the kids.

It might be worth thinking about taking them up on it. While you think about it, you can read the lessons here and post here and try to get a better grip on what it is that you are dealing with for the long term.

How do I go about finding a support group?  I live in Houston, so I would think that it would be a big enough city.

It really depends on what kind of support it is that you want. You mention that she drinks. There are support groups for family members of alcoholics. You mention that you have been drinking too much. There are groups for alcoholics if you think you fit that category. There are 12 step groups for just about everything you can imagine. If you want to deal with issues of Codependency, there is CODA.

Here is a link to a therapy group in the Houston area that has a sliding scale fee. They might be able to point you towards some free support groups too: www.talkhgi.org/

Here is a link to NAMI Greater Houston Support Groups: www.namigreaterhouston.org/programs/

[an0ught]

Hi rob95,

In retrospect, I probably should have called the cops, but I just don't know if I can follow through on it.  I haven't threatened it, because I am not sure I could actually do it.  Not even sure if that is the right thing to do.

You may need to call the cops at some point, spend some time to think such a situation through in all detail. It is wise not to threaten her with empty threats. Your words should have weight - she may ignore them but only at her own peril.

Drinking is a tough problem, increases behavioral issues a lot. Can you avoid sleeping close to her when she is drunk? I would not want to be attacked while sleeping. That may be a start working on boundaries, physical safety boundaries do have priority.

,

a0