Any one have experience with contempt?

[bravhart1]

Our lawyer wants to file contempt of court orders against BPDm for taking her out of school Friday and trying to take the Memorial Day weekend when she was advised days before that it was not her weekend and not ok to just decide to take child. (We got an email from her telling us she was doing it and that she felt it "was only fair"

The order is not vague nor was the attorney's response. We suspect she was just trying to get a face to face or some contact with DH as the new order has the exchanges at school and no contact between parents for some months now.

Attorney wants us to go for contempt along with an emergency order for supervised visits due to the decline in child's stress and behaviour since increase in time share. All the things they instructed her to do since giving her "a second chance" she has increased in occurrence.

[Nope]

How long have you had this L? Do you trust her?

Based on my own experience the BPD mom will never recognize that she did anything wrong, no matter what the court says. But getting this in front of a judge so the people in charge can see that she's done something wrong may have value. Are the child's decline and the reasons for the decline something that can be proven? Do you have professionals that can be called as witnesses?

Usually contempt by itself is like a parking tickets. They don't mean a whole lot until they add up. But judges don't like their orders being ignored either. So a lot depends on the judge.

[livednlearned]

I lost count of the number of motions for contempt that were filed in my case. 

It does add some strength to your motion for contempt that you're asking for supervised visitation. That's the same type of strategy my L would use. A motion for contempt on it's own is like what Nope says, pretty much a parking ticket. In other courts, a motion for contempt could lead to a big fine and jail time. In family court, it may be a stern warning or admonishment from the judge and that's that.

My L always came into those hearings with the motion for contempt plus something else, a reasonable request to try and fix whatever it was that N/BPDx was doing. That gives the judge something to work with. In our cases, we usually asked for a lot, knowing that the judge would likely rule somewhere in the middle.

For example, N/BPDx kept sending inappropriate text and email messages to S13, which was specifically written in a prior order that he was not supposed to do. We filed a motion for contempt, plus a motion to terminate visitation. (This was after a lot of other stuff.) We also asked that N/BPDx get a MMPI-2, substance abuse treatment, and anger management classes. The judge, at least in that hearing, found N/BPDx in contempt of court, sanctioned him for legal fees (whole other story), and ordered him to do the psych eval and classes within 30 days. Judge did not terminate visitation, which is understandable because it's a big deal, but told N/BPDx if he so much as wrote one inappropriate email, and ended up back in his court, he would not be so lenient next time.

And guess what N/BPDx did 

He also didn't do the psych eval and the classes.

Oh, and he accused the judge of lying to his face. 

So motions for contempt are best when they're part of a strategy. It sounds like your L has that in mind.

[maxen]

hi bravhart1. the good side of this, it seems to me, is that your L is pro-active and appears to have a plan (as l'n'l said). i didn't have to face the situation you're in, but filing a motion for contempt would show that you are setting boundaries, a good thing when dealing with BPDs. she may not observe those boundaries, but you've established them and they become part of the record.

i hate to be a pedant, but:

All the things they instructed her to do since giving her "a second chance" she has increased in occurrence.

do you mean "All the things they instructed her not to do... ."? you've kept a record of these violations of terms?

[bravhart1]

Yes, what not to do. Could not edit my post... .

We are worried that it might be a reach. But given the circumstances around the last evaluation in dec. where BPDm threatened that she would commit suicide to the 6 yr old when she interrogated her after her session. We want another mini eval with supervised visits in place to prevent the stress and coaching of SD6 while it's going on.

On another note, the child's T has made it clear to us her conferences with BPDm's T has said she isn't "getting it" and they are concerned about the fact that BPPm seems to be getting worse. Teacher, and daycare professionals will attest to behaviour, and what has come directly out of SD6's mouth about what's being said to her about DH and bravhart as well.

Crazy emails with strange accusations (which were put in court order to stop doing),taking SD6 to dr against court orders ( we have sole legal)and the emotional abuse of "shutting SD6 down" around therapy and not being ok at dad's house are also the issue.

Bottom line is that since we went to mom having more time, SD6 is not doing well at all, and everyone involved can see that. (Except mom of course) and the enmeshment and derogatory speech about DH and bravhart has not stopped but has increased. She is making this child neurotic. Therapist is concerned we only have a short time in her development to protect her psyche against this barrage of moms influence and crazy.

[livednlearned]

It sounds like this is more about modifying custody (supervised visitation) with the motions for contempt as padding.

I'm sorry that SD6 is suffering from this, and that biomom is getting worse. It's hard to stand by and watch the abuse, and even harder to try and manage it through the court system. It's fortunate that you have positive advocates involved and people who can testify that SD6 is struggling.

Does your L have a sense of how the judge tends to rule in these types of hearings? Especially when there is already an order in place that court-orders certain behaviors to stop. I think it was when my ex began to blatantly defy court orders that the ship slowly started to turn around. Emphasis on slowly    It ended up taking 3.5 years for the judge to rule like he got it.

[bravhart1]

It's very hard to watch. And I just really feel that Sd6 needs a break from all this. After reading Childress articles I realize that we have even more of a responsibility to SD6 to protect her even though it's stressful and EXPENSIVE to go back to court and evaluations but I truly feel we are losing her in this mental battle.

I hope that at the very least  to go on record that we aren't okay with standing by and letting SD6 be put through this without at least trying to get her some relief.

It makes me mad that in the back of my mind I'm worried that this will cause BPDm to ramp up her crazy and retaliate (much like being afraid to stand up to a bully), but I know that as the only adults in the situation that we are her advocates and must rise to the responsibility. I can't and don't expect the court to make this easy on us, but I hope they realize as this will be the first time we have initiated a motion that we aren't trying to be punitive to mom, just trying to protect a child who is failing.

[bravhart1]

Are the child's decline and the reasons for the decline something that can be proven? Do you have professionals that can be called as witnesses?



Yes, we have several people who have come forward to us, the therapist, the teacher and the daycare that have said we see a decline, how can we help you. They attribute SD6's decline directly with the change in custody and moms involvement in school. Her behaviour has been significantly worse, both at home and school, and from SD6's own words due to what is being said by BPDm. For example: she has said, I don't have to be good at school or nice to my friends anymore because my mom is moving me to another school next year. Which is patently false. We have sole legal custody and no intention of switching her school. It seems that mom thinks if she can make her daughter unwelcome at school we will be forced to change it, giving mom a fresh start with people that aren't on to her yet.