No Contact is Best

[vangirl60]

I now can appreciate the many posts on here about how No Contact really works. When my exuBPDbf and I broke up (well there were a few times  ) I always wanted contact. I secretly hoped he'd contact me. I was still in love with him. It took me 3 years to get over a 3 year relationship. I don't have to explain to anyone on here just how unique a BPD rship is but you can't get over it unless you go no contact- none. None at all. I thought I was healing but until I really went No contact and felt it, did I realize that he haunted me. He haunted me in all kinds of ways... .I was still looking over my shoulder, on edge for what he might do or say- all that kinda stuff. After 8 months of No contact, I began to feel like I was actually back to my old self. I was relaxed. I felt easy going. I wasn't anxious. You can never be 'yourself' around a BPD. You can't. It's just impossiblity. So anyone out there who wants to get back to who they once were... .do No contact. I was skeptical. But it works 

[MrConfusedWithItAll]

I agree here totally.  It is similar to my relationship with tobacco.  Just one puff and I am right back there in addiction.  Somehow the BPD partners has worked out how to create a strong yearning and a simple email or text message can have use craving once more.  As most things with BPD though - they cannot deliver on what they expect from you.  You will shower them with affection only to get booted out as soon as a trigger occurs.  No contact is the way to go.

[once removed]

no contact is one tool, of many tools, for some people, in some situations.

https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=275714.0

[Infared]

no contact is one tool, of many tools, for some people, in some situations.

https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=275714.0

I agree. NC was my only tool that helped bring my mental well-being back... .but I believe that NC may not be appropriate in all situations.

[Hadlee]

Oh how I wish I could be completely NC with my xBPD BFF.  We work for the same company, so it's near impossible... .  The times I have been able to have NC for a short amount of time certainly made a huge difference.  Unfortunately, I can't maintain that long term due to our work association.

[Trog]

I've said it before but for me NC is the key. 1 month of NC has healed me for than 11 months of LC which in the end kept me thinking about her and her crazy (actually crazy) reasoning. If there's no dialogue on the other side you get the space to make sense of it all.

[vangirl60]

I had LC and then NC and the real healing came with NC. I feel like a tower of steel now and stronger than ever. It's remarkable. If nothing else, the experience gave me incredible insight, solid boundaries and I know what a red flag looks like now.

[UserName69]

Yeah but NC will be hard if you're sitting home and doing nothing. If you want to get over your ex you should be busy everyday. Keep yourself occupied with activities you enjoy. I had a six month old relationship with my ex we had a lot of breakups. Since the last breakup I decided to move on and forget about her (this was one month ago). I'm already over her and I don't even miss her at all. Once you realize how evil your ex is you're going to get over him/her pretty quickly.

[DyingLove]

Getting well is the key here.  I've learned a whole bunch of new things and feelings lately.  But getting better is the key and NC gets us better!

After you are better, then you can do what you want, because when you are better, you will also think differently and that is why people that are better say that NC is the way to go.  I agree with this wholeheartedly.  I am totally NC, but there are "loopholes" where I know I should patch them up.  But I'm still NC, but occasionally hoping and looking over my shoulder as it was said above.  I'll get to the point where I won't, I know it.  NOW, how to get over the dreams and nightmares!  That's another story.  Had some pretty serious dreams about her last night, the kind that get you waking up wondering!

[myself]

I kept waking up in a dead end, and needed to go cold turkey. It blows your mind to not talk with someone you love. I'd tried everything else, but if she didn't meet me in the middle there really wasn't a good relationship there anyway. The game still exists but I got myself out of it and am moving on.