First time here and feeling desperate

[grandmag]

I have been trying to learn how to deal with my d-in-law but I never seem to know the right thing to do. She has abused and neglected my grandkids and about made me crazy,I have been seeing a counselor for over a year but nothing seems to really help.She has withheld my grandkids from me before, and it looks like we may be headed into that again, and this time seems to be alienating my son too. Is there hope?

[understandnow]

Grandmag, it sounds like you are feeling there is no hope of improvement with your Dil.  I am in the same boat as you, and know how you feel.  There are so many articles, books and resources that can be helpful to you.  I am also new and learning so much on how to diffuse her rages and how I can control my reactions and thoughts.  Know it is not your fault.  They act on their feelings and not on the realities.  I've learned that it is not my fault for the conflicts over things you can't understand.  No matter how much I tried to keep peace, her accusations and her rages towards me continued.  Please read all you can on this subject and let the pros on this board help you.  They have been invaluable to me.  Welcome and we will get through this. hoping to hear from you again.