suggestions moving forward please

[wwfd1220]

Hello all, First I would like to start out by telling you That I am now one month removed from my 2 month relationship with my 47 y/o ex BPD gf. Like many others I did not find out what was wrong with this girl until recently through my counselor. So, now I am tying into as much info as I can on this illness. Like most of you have experienced, this relationship started out pretty hot our of the gates. I am 40, and she is 7 years my senior, but you would not know that looking at her. She looks like she is in her mid 30's (probably due to cosmetic surgery, which she is a fan of). This girl made me feel more loved and appreciated than anybody I have ever had in my life. I felt like a king when we were together. She fell for me rather quickly. We had sex the first night we met, and it was indeed the best sex I have ever had (she also claimed it was the best she ever had). within a week she was telling me she loved me after the first crocodile tears episode while having sex... .I truly fell for this girl very hard. we broke up briefly after week 3. Then she came back and kept texting me how much she missed and loved me. Of course I went running back because I was this girls savior after hearing about all of her other abusive relationships. She is definitely a BPD waif! in the end, she ended us because she was expanding her small business to Iowa (which fell through ,and she waited 4 days to tell me), but after it fell through then she couldn't be with me because her feelings were hurt from a voicemail I left. a week later I simply asked her by text (all of our communication since the break up has been by this method) if she wanted me to leave her alone. she stated " as of now yes, I do not want you to contact me". So I ceased contacting her. That lasted for 3 days. She reached back to me and simply said "I just wanted to say hi" I said "Hi" in reply. then on mothers day she liked a Facebook photo I posted of my mother and I. The day after she sent me a photo of a new hair style she was thinking of getting and said she needed my opinion... ."do you really like it?"... .then 3 days later she asked what I was doing (it was a Saturday night), and I told her I was going out with friends to see a live band. her reply was basically "i will send you something to think about while you are out" Then she proceeded to send my some really hot panty and t-shirt pics whilst laying in bed... .I asked for a picture of her feet (she has really sexy feet) and she was very offended by that. her reply was " I just sent you some pretty hot pics, and all you want is my feet"? then followed that up with "could you please delete those pics? I just got caught up in the moment and now I feel kinda slutty"

  That was a week and a half ago now. She has since gone cold (it is her time of the month) with only replies to my texts instead of initiating them. I really want this girl back. She is definitely a waif BPD, but I totally lover her. On Sunday I decided to start 30 days no contact with her. I have not heard from her since Saturday, but she is definitely stalking my Facebook profile ( you can actually see who stalks your profile the most. watch on YouTube). I am guessing once her period is over this week she will initiate contact again, but I am holding true to the 30 days and we will see what happens... .I am open to any opinions and suggestions any of you may have. Please keep in mind the 30 days is for me to heal and become better aware of myself rather than punishment towards her. I must include also that this past Sunday I actually asked her to have dinner with me. her reply was "My friend Michelle was in town this weekend and we have been running non-stop. I am totally exhausted. Can I call you tomorrow? Maybe we can get together if the weather isn't ___ty". Of course she never called, and the weather was crappy in the morning, and fine the rest of the day. I guess right now I am looking for suggestions moving forward. I do not feel like I should be initiating any contact anymore. It seems to push her further away when I do. Also keep in mind that 10 days ago she was texting me things such as " I don't know where my heart is right now. I just know that I love you" and " just remember I am doing this for you". just need some insight into all of this. Thank you in advance

[RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING]

RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members are welcomed to express frustration but must seek constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.