She says she has "single focus". Who ever she is with is who she is completely focused on. It's a bit bizzarre to witness.
She became this very different person when the kids were home
my ex was similar to this, and ive known one other female (dont know her well enough to attempt to diagnose her with anything, but by her own words shes crazy) who expressed it. on a large scale, i believe it. i certainly believe its not some con to lure you to security. i dont think its healthy, either.
on some level, i think that the attachment in general is more important to a pwBPD than physical attraction, and its what they focus the majority of their attention on. i would say my ex didnt really have a type. i was mentally and physically different than the ones that came before me. this was a source of tension a number of times. i wasnt willing to pretend i wasnt remotely attracted to other women. i pressed my ex on this once and i could tell she had a hard time with it. i asked her to name a celebrity, a person, anyone, that she was attracted to. she hesitantly said james franco
as for becoming a different person, i connect this to the unstable sense of self, and mirroring. for the most part i could not stand my ex when she was around my friends, my father, my mother, or her friends. completely different person and highly insecure. she clued me in that shed done this in past relationships too. a pwBPD probably has great difficulty maintaining who they are with you behind closed doors, and incorporating another person into that picture.
edit: which by the way, is not entirely unique to pwBPD. as an introvert, i can behave differently depending on who im around. i dont think anyone would describe me as a completely different person. a pwBPD, like with many things, takes this to the extreme.
