Do the distortion/smear campaigns ever stop?

[deux soeurs]

My dBPD sister has been on a distortion campaign since March.  It is the same old stuff every day.  She is a scapegoat, victim of abuse, my mom, dad, brother, uncle, everyone in our family emotionally abused her.  There is no mention of all the abusive, horrible things she did to all of us, especially our mom.  I understand she is mentally ill but at the same time I have to wonder if she is intentionally making things up to try and destroy us, especially me?  She has always had it out for me since we were young.  She is much older than I and abused me ALOT as a kids.  I am just coming to terms with her abuse.

[HappyChappy]

I'm sorry to hear about the harrassment you're having to suffer.You asked does it ever stop. If your BPD is not deep into therapy and excepting she must change, as most aren’t, then the answer is she will never stop. But you can chose not to get involved, not to engage.

A BPD needs narcisstic supply. If they are flailing around the suppositions  and  accusations, they’re probably just trying to get more narcisstic supply. But it doesn’t have to be you. If your sister met the next love of her life, would that cut you a break ? I’m guessing yes.

My older bro was a NPD, kicked me black and blue until I was big enough to punch back. NC works really well with him.   

There are techniques on this website to help dissengauge or deal with a BPD. Never forget, that a BPD is always competative with their syblins, whomever those syblins may be. We tend to flail out at those that are close. That you can't change, but how you view it can. Best of luck.

[Deb]

My dBPD sister has been on a distortion campaign since March.  It is the same old stuff every day.  She is a scapegoat, victim of abuse, my mom, dad, brother, uncle, everyone in our family emotionally abused her.  There is no mention of all the abusive, horrible things she did to all of us, especially our mom.  I understand she is mentally ill but at the same time I have to wonder if she is intentionally making things up to try and destroy us, especially me?  She has always had it out for me since we were young.  She is much older than I and abused me ALOT as a kids.  I am just coming to terms with her abuse.

In my experience, some people with BPD, make up lies and then convince themselves that the lies are true. After awhile, they fully believe the lie. That's how many of the BPD people in my life operate.

[deux soeurs]

[quote author=HappyChappy link=topic=277794.msg12628894#msg12628894

A BPD needs narcisstic supply. If they are flailing around the suppositions  and  accusations, they’re probably just trying to get more narcisstic supply. But it doesn’t have to be you.


I am not good at quoting... .

HappyChappy this rings so true.  I never looked at it that way.  Yes, My sisters quest in not letting her fictional stories stop is narcissistic supply and need for attention.  All her writings are about herself and how she was abused. 

I also noticed she writes about what "I" think and how my opinions of her were from things our mom shared with me.   My BPD sister knows nothing of the person I am.  I have not talked to her in over a year and she would have no way to know what I am thinking.  My opinions, as well as those of my brother and other family members comes from her behavior.  Is it common for folks with BPD to tell us what we think and feel?

I do agree I have the power to not engage which in my case is not reading the crazy stuff and lies she writes on another board.  I am staying away more and more because frankly it is a bunch of lies, nonsense and the same stuff over and over again with no mention of the terrible things she has put all of us through.  I also noticed not many respond to her posts so i know they must be tired of the same old thing... .

[Proboscidea]

Why do u read it? I read your first post and you said you were going to stop.focus on yourself. She isn't calling or texting you. Who cares what anonymous people think? Also my brothers would say all my family problems Re my fault and they believe it. I really don't care what they think as long as I never see them again. Your sister is not talking to people who matter to you? Then let go. Your life has nothing to do with her anymore. I am moving on although one abusive brother found me in another state and taunted me. Maybe your sister is getting stuff off her chest even if you don't agree with it. Does she use names? I think you would do better really disconnecting. I'm happy without my family. As long as they stay away they can tell everyone they know, who I hate, that I'm a serial killer. Good luck.

[deux soeurs]

[/quote]
In my experience, some people with BPD, make up lies and then convince themselves that the lies are true. After awhile, they fully believe the lie. That's how many of the BPD people in my life operate.[/quote]
I think you are right Deb!  I really appreciate your spot on advice!

[HappyChappy]

If you watch young kids at play, they wind each other up in this way all the time. Accusing someone of lying or just saying something provocative to wind you up. It comes from boredom, frustration the need to get attention. A BPD gets stuck in that narcisstic stage and becomes so good at it, it’s not wonder we get sucked in. That's why we need this website, for perspective. But just as we would advise our kids to ignore it, blank it and walk on by, we need to do this with some adults. It is funny watching an adult BPD compete with a young kid, thought.

[deux soeurs]

HappyChappy, thank you for this insight!

[funfunctional]

Hello,

i am sorry for your pain and hardship your sister's illness is causing all of you.   What is so painful about these situations is that these people cause rifts in families & affect people's happiness.

As i was reading your thread I felt like I was reading about MY sister as we all see the commonalities after coming here for a while and reading threads.   

I do believe the stories are intentional and there is a deep and disturbing hatred that many people have with

BPD. The hatred results from anger they feel about life & how they always think people have done wrong things to them.   She may be trying to "get you back" because she truly believes she is right and been abused.   

You may be the "target" because you have risen about something she wasn't able to.   I am my sister's target.       I don't have much advice except you can't WIN and if she wants to lie or make stories up not a whole lot can be done unless you want to call her out on them.   Good luck