My GF may have BPD. All of the traits that I have researched describe her almost to a T. To begin with I have two children from two different mothers. I am divorced and 35 years old. I am from a very close family and my parents are still married. She is 33 and her Mother died a year or so after giving birth to her. Her father was on the road trucking for most of her childhood and she would be left with new girlfriends or ex wives over the years. She says she was neglected by them but never sexually harmed or hit. Just left an abandoned. Her grandmother stepped in for a short period of time but is now deceased and her only family is basically her father. Her father still enables her financially. For example he would pay for her to get plastic surgery but not therapy. He tells her she's heavy ect. She is absolutely not heavy either. She is gorgeous but her self esteem is so low. In the beginning of our dating I was cautious about introducing her to my children right away because I never wanted to bring people in and out of their lives. I held my ground for a while until one day she really got emotional about it and pretty much gave me an ultimatum of letting her meet my kids or ending the relationship. I then moved forward and let her meet them. She was living in another state at this time about 1 1/2 hours away. We became closure and eventually she moved in. In the beginning she left me a lot. She would start fights out of very small issues and run. she was running home to her father. As this continued I started to wonder where she was really running to and if there was someone else but she really made me feel like there was no one but me. At this point I was very much in love. this problem seems to never go away. Now she starts fights almost at every holiday or event before we go and she runs off but only for a day or so. As time has gone on I have been closer and closer to just ending it completely but right when she feels like I am done completely she begs to come bag. She will threaten suicide and tell me I am all she has. I believe I am. She says if I let her go she will kill herself and it will be my fault. She only says these things in times of rage. My family has been at wits end and I know they all want me to just break off our relationship and move on. The problem is I love this girl with all my heart and I care for her. I am not sure what to do.
One thing here really stands out. The statement I put in bold. I have been married to my undiagnosed BPD wife for 8 years. We have 4 kids and a 5th on the way. I have always told myself, if this marriage fails, I will not put my children in this situation on my end. Ever. You have a chance to find the right person who not only compliments you, but your children as well. I know you love this woman, but as a divorced father of two, you are in a new position. Any new relationship you choose cannot just be about what you want anymore. You have to take your children in consideration. At this point in my life, if I was in your situation and a woman gave me an ultimatum to meet my children, she would be walking. But again, I have dealt with this long enough to know if there is ever a second chance for me, I will not put myself or my kids into another BPD marriage ever again. Sorry to say that if offends some, but knowing what I know now, I am educated and experienced enough to stay the heck away from that given a second chance.
I know it's hard to take that advice. Especially when you are head over heels in the honeymoon phase of a relationship. But, please, consider your children as well as your heart in this matter. You aren't even married yet. Once that happens, you and those kids you love are locked to this woman till death or divorce.
