He never asks about his grandchildren.

[Depression = 72% of members]

dd20 has 2 children that her dad never asks about.

We have been divorced for sometime and during this time he remarried which lasted aprox 2 year.During that time he had no time for dd and our other children and frankly now they couldnt care less about him. Now he is divorced he contacts me regulary but only to enquire how I am and occasionally how our children doing.

 

I guess i had hoped he would be a better grandad than the lousy dad he has been all this time but it doesnt appear to be happening.He has seen the eldest gc 3 times and never even met the youngest! If i talk about them he seems  to  show indifference. He never asks about them, has never brought them anything and Im sure doesnt even know when their birthdays are.  My desire isnt to force either one on the other if the r/s isnt going to be healthy... .i just find it so hard to understand.

So i was wondering if this Is this normal behaviour for udBPDex's to behave this way towards their grandkids?

and could it be due to object consistency?

[js friend]

dd20 has 2 children that her dad never asks about.

We have been divorced for sometime and during this time he remarried which lasted aprox 2 year.During that time he had no time for dd and our other children and frankly now they couldnt care less about him. Now he is divorced he contacts me regulary but only to enquire how I am and occasionally how our children doing.

 

I guess i had hoped he would be a better grandad than the lousy dad he has been all this time but it doesnt appear to be happening.He has seen the eldest gc 3 times and never even met the youngest! If i talk about them he seems  to  show indifference. He never asks about them, has never brought them anything and Im sure doesnt even know when their birthdays are.  My desire isnt to force either one on the other if the r/s isnt going to be healthy... .i just find it so hard to understand.

So i was wondering if this Is this normal behaviour for udBPDex's to behave this way towards their grandkids?

and could it be due to object consistency?

[Kwamina]

Hi js friend,

I can understand why you are having a hard time with this behavior. First he had no time for your children and now he seems to be ignoring his grandchildren. I can imagine that seeing him behave this way might also bring back memories of how he treated your children in the past.

So i was wondering if this Is this normal behaviour for udBPDex's to behave this way towards their grandkids?

and could it be due to object consistency?

It can be difficult to understand why people with BPD act the way they do. What I can say is that past behavior often is a good predictor of future behavior. The reason he didn't make time for your children might also explain why he seems so indifferent when it comes to his grandchildren. Did he ever give you an explanation for why he didn't make time for his children?

[js friend]

Hi Kwamina and thankyou for your reply.

If i remember rightly uxdexh reasons for ignoring his children were because "he was too stressed"... ."We were stressing him out"  or he was "too busy with work". He has always had the him against the world mentality and always plays the victim.I  should know better really, He isnt going to change... .that is the reality.

Guess  I was just hoping he would want to do better this time round