Is this one of them recycles?

[Before you can make things better, you have to stop making them worse...]

So been over a month NC from her. In that month I've learned her life has gone on a bit of a down turn. What hasn't changed is the texts about twice a week to see the cat. Not have the cat or take the cat but kitty visitation. Obviously short of sky diving without a chute that is an awful idea but all the texts center around seeing the cat, the cat is everything to me, I'd let you see it roles were reversed. Meanwhile, conviently forgetting her abhorrent behavior. So I guess my question is do you think it's about the cat truly (which is nuts) or attempt at recycle.

Either way has not gotten a response out of me so, idk how long the wind can stay in the sails on this one

[Headspinnah]

So been over a month NC from her. In that month I've learned her life has gone on a bit of a down turn. What hasn't changed is the texts about twice a week to see the cat. Not have the cat or take the cat but kitty visitation. Obviously short of sky diving without a chute that is an awful idea but all the texts center around seeing the cat, the cat is everything to me, I'd let you see it roles were reversed. Meanwhile, conviently forgetting her abhorrent behavior. So I guess my question is do you think it's about the cat truly (which is nuts) or attempt at recycle.

Either way has not gotten a response out of me so, idk how long the wind can stay in the sails on this one

[Arcturus81]

This definitely sounds like a recycle. Sounds like a pretty lame one too. If she wants a cat so bad she can go get one for free at the animal shelter. Be wary my friend.

[mrwigand]

She may very well simply be missing her cat. That being said, were I in your position I would take care to maintain my boundaries. I know in my experience every time I had to see my ex post breakup, I usually ended up feeling hurt for some reason. That's not even to say my ex was intentionally trying to hurt me, but something would always come up that I felt was unnecessary and painful.

In my case my ex owed me money and she only ever wanted to meet in person to handle it, and when I suggested perhaps we didn't have to meet in person she freaked.

I don't know... .Based on what I've experienced, it just feels that there are a lot of ways this plays out that could hurt you. Seeing her playing with y'all's cat might initself trigger you abc make you feel like you're right back in the relationship. Something like that could impede your healing as well. I'm not saying you should deny her access to the cat, but if any accomodation could be made that didn't require you two to spend too much time together (or preferably any time together), I would seek that out first.

[cosmonaut]

It might be a recycle attempt or it may just be reaching out for soothing.  It's hard to say.  I think the most important thing is how this is making you feel.  What are you feeling about her contacting you?  Do you feel like you want to recycle with her?  Do you feel like you want to let her see the cat?  Do you feel like you want to maintain contact?  It's important to focus on how this is making you feel.  It's a very emotional experience.

[Headspinnah]

Feeling of that would be ok. To guilt for her not being able to see it.

But my main feeling is terror. I'm so terrified of what she's capable of doing to me emotionally/ even physically legally it quickly grounds me from wanting any contact. From my readings on here and her behavior out the door I'm terrified of manipulation. And everything with these people is just that.

Bpd or not we live in a world with consequences you wanted to high tail it out all the meanwhile dragging me to mental hell and now the cat is such a priority? I smell something and I think it's life isn't going so well which prob means a whole bunch of dysregulated behavior. I'd be a fool to fall for this. 1st two months not a peep about it. Now this. I wasn't even present when she moved out. What would make her think cat visitation would be kosher?

Also in what realm of reality is cat visitation even a thing? Like is this serious. More and more I'm removed fro. This feel like reality was left long ago

[Sunfl0wer]

Sometimes my ex does things that appear he is "reaching out" but I don't think he actually wants a recycle.   (Maybe he does but is afraid I may reject him... .he is more NPD vs BPD... .meaning... .more concerned with having a strong ego appearance vs emotional)

I think he wants a way to feel connected in some way without really being connected.  I think he offered to help me move because he was curious, wanted to be able to imagine what my new life would be like, if I was struggling, if there was room for another person etc. (that all seemed kinda "normal" post r/s thoughts to me tho)

It is interesting tho that she is connected to you by this cat.  I'm sure she has an easy time saying she misses the cat... .is lonely for the cat, etc.