Hello everyone (and those of you who joined after 2007)
It was in 2007 when I first logged onto this site for the first time. And it has been a life saver. Once, I went back to 2007 and read ALL of my posts between then and 2009 because those were the worst years with the xMIL, xFIL, and xSIL. My husband/their son/her brother was killed in August 2006, which then began a downward spiral of who knows what. I found myself emotionally abused, brainwashed into thinking I couldn't even buy myself a pair of tennis shoes or jeans, and that I was incapable of raising my four daughters alone. In essence, his family turned on me.
But, looking back at some of what I had written, I realize that some of it (not all of it) may have been "petty" things, things that should not have bothered me as much as they did. I realize, too, that we were all still grieving and not thinking clearly, including me. But, that said, a lot of the stuff was justified by members of this site who helped me through the troubled waters. For that, I am grateful.
xMIL died alone, in her hospital bed at an assisted living facility, on Friday the 13th. How ironic is that? And, even though she's gone, I admit I sort of miss her, almost as much as I miss my husband. Those two were the "verbal voices" in the family. The rest of us, xSIL, xFIL, me, and my daughters are all introverts. When we get together, awkward is the only way I know how to describe it. I have invited them to the girls' choir concerts, dance recitals, and talent shows because they are xFIL's only granddaughters and xSIL's only nieces. I am not that cruel to keep them completely away. I even allowed the girls to visit them the Christmas before xMIL died, and I am glad that I did. Had I not done that, I would be considered the evil person for not letting the girls see their grandmother before she passed away.
Anyway, to make a long story short, I am doing so much better than that old me who first logged on in 2007. I have since bought a house, got my bachelor's, and am now working from home.
My girls are doing remarkably well, too,
and show their love for me constantly. My oldest, now 21, is a senior in college majoring in geochemistry. She has a job cleaning houses and apartments for the elderly, and has made three trips to Idaho's Hells Canyon to help replant burned-out forest areas; that is, she helped plant 3,000 trees a day! In addition, she often drives the van for the freshman geology class's field trips. D16 (D17 on June 15) is a junior and a Straight A student at her high school. D15 loves anime and just came away from the annual anime convention and is still sitting "high on a cloud" from it. Lol. D13 is going into 8th grade and has a wide circle of friends who get together every now and then for movie nights (most of the girls' parents do not allow them to spend the night so we do a "late night" instead, but then the girls all go home around midnight, which works great for me and the other mothers, too). While I have had some stressful and hair-raising scares with D16, I can say I am very proud of my girls. They don't drink or do drugs or sneak out at night. In fact, I practically have to kick them out of the house sometimes! And, the best part? They are not afraid to hug me or hold my hand in public (well D21 is but that's normal). Just the other day, D15 linked her arm around mine and we walked around the mall like that. That was so cool! Me, be an unfit mother? Ha!
I keep coming back to this board and read people's posts and I want to help. I have been where you are with a uBPD mother-in-law whom I thought loved me just as much as she loved her son and daughter. But when her son was no longer around to act as my buffer, her blows hit me full force. I know, too, that my own husband exhibited a lot of the traits of his mother, but I had the blinders on. Looking back, I can recall several instances where I should have seen it but didn't. He was definitely very controlling and he did move me the the mountains far away from my family and friends. We literally did live in the middle of nowhere. The only thing that kept me sane was that I worked outside the home and my daughters attended day care. Otherwise, I would have gone crazy for sure being secluded from civilization. In addition, he controlled the finances, although I had access to the checking account. If I bought a $30 blouse, he would blow up at me. Then, the following week, he'd go and buy a $30,000 one-ton dually truck! Go figure! I still get a little PO'd with him about a lot of stuff I missed out on because of his control. I don't know how many times I declined my sister's invitation to a family get-together or barbecue because he " didn't care for my family." I should have gone anyway!
Anyway, I digress. As I was saying, this board has helped me in so many ways. I think that's why I keep coming back. Everything that happened from 2007-2009 when I moved away now just seems like water under the bridge.
