I am aware of a few things.
1. I do not like to eat alone.
Working in restaurants for 30+ years, I have seen plenty of folks who eat alone... .You can tell the difference between a 'business trip' type person -vs- a 'get out of the house and have some alone time' person -vs- someone who does not have a companion.
I guess deep inside, I don't want folks to look at me and wonder "what's wrong with her that no one wants to eat with her'?
2. I am a very social person, and love to be where there are a lot of people.
Again, kids did travel sports, I worked in restaurants all my life; I love people, I really do! That's one of the reasons why I am moving to Florida! I love the weather and it's hospitality driven... .lots and lots of people!
When I get settled in, I'm going to find a church, find a Red Cross and get trained to volunteer, and really become 'part' of the community.
3. The thought of "an empty" nest sucks.
Really, it's change I loathe.
For the last 4 years, life has been in a perpetual cycle of drastic changes.
Before that, everything was steady eddy... .
Being a 'mommy' is the single greatest honor I have had in my life... .I am blessed with 3 amazing children.
4. I am finding that I really would like to have someone by my side, strong and supportive, as I transition through the empty nest process; but that is not going to happen so I have to so this alone, too.
It's tough when we have preconceived notions of how things are supposed to happen:
Husband and wife have kids, raise kids, kids go to college, kids come home, kids move out / get married, etc.
Kids fly the nest.
Husband and wife enjoy this time, because grand kids are just around the corner!
Parents are not supposed to destroy the nest. Parents are not supposed to fly the coop.
Alas, you have to play the hand dealt to you. I folded on the Aces and 8's.
I have 5 new cards... .and I am ready to play!
5. I am seeing just how much I did, on my own, for the last 25 years, and how truly neglected I was by my ex.
It sucks, but it is what it is.
It's not the victim card. It cold hard facts.
It's also a great learning tool.
It's also helping someone I love (friend) through a very similar (like scary similar) situation.
My hope and prayer is that all 3 of my kids walk away from this mess with the knowledge of at least how NOT to be... .I do not want them to repeat this generational curse!
6. I have 2 ways I can look at things: Woe is me, and wa wa wa wa OR grab the bull by the horns and enjoy the ride.
I chose the latter, but there are times when I am tired of 'wearing the pants'... .
I am human and I am allowed to have moments where I can be sick and tired of making all the decisions.
Today is a new day, and I will put my pants on, one leg at a time!
7. I miss human contact. I miss hugging, snuggling, etc... .Non-sexual human contact w/ someone who genuinely cares about me, and my well being, because they think I'm a pretty neat chick to be around.
I miss cooking for someone... .a lot.
I think owing a restaurant will take care of the "cooking for someone" portion of my 'alone-ness' HA HA
As much as it is the 'human contact' it's really that want someone to notice I have a pulse! I would like to be an 'important part' of someone's life; where they look forward to seeing me, going fishing with me, allowing me to help rebuild an engine with them; sharing a home cooked meal together, working in the garden together; etc... .I've never had that. I hear it's pretty cool stuff, and I have seen it in real life a couple of times, and it looked really cool... .but all smart assery aside, I do look forward to having a healthy, relationship!
8. I get very frustrated when my 'brain' unwinds for no reason (well, at least a reason that makes sense)... .I find journaling through it helped last time.
This really pisses me off. The relationship is over, never to be revisited, yet I get the gift that keeps on giving; ptsd. (Insert big deep sigh)
Somehow some way, some day, I will understand why, but not today.
I don't have anyone to talk to (or to talk me off the ledge) when my brain malfunctions... .and that sucks; but journaling really does help.
[quote}9. I am aware that I am strong, confident and healthier today than I have ever been in my life; but I do wish I had someone to share my time with.[/quote]
I should start a 'friend' site ( not a dating or hook up site ) where people can meet in a group setting, hang out, share a common interest, have a few laughs, have some great conversations, share an activity; then go home. For real, just 'friends' type commitments... .
That would be perfect for me right now.
10. Forgiveness is real, and obtainable... .because it's happening w me now. I am so thankful to God for this.
The Lord is with me. He is w/ my children. Really, at the end of the day, what more do I need!
