Last night, quite out of the blue, my ex before my wife contacted me for a chat on facebook. We are facebook friends but we rarely talk, she's married now and has a baby and we live in different cities. She knows I struggled leaving my wife and sometimes checks in on me.
I was telling her about my therapy sessions and what I had learned about my own anger & behaviours and how they were abandonment/esteem related and she validated that was her experience with me too. Jokingly, after my list of issues I said 'but underneath all THAT I'm a lovely person' and she said 'You don't need to tell me, I know, I loved you for 5 years'.
It made my heart soar. Not cos I have feelings for her, but just to be told that you are loveable, in such a sincere way by someone who, as an ex, we had a history. After all these years with my wife and feeling since the breakup that I wasn't worth €$¥>, to be told inspite of all your flaws you really are loveable, it really gives me hope. I guess, as the golden child, and having to constantly please my ex wife for love and attention, the idea of being loved flaws and all, is just fantastic. Perhaps my ex ex, truly did love me flaws and all, but I was running around like a codependent totally needlessly, maybe my wife did. For sure I was too controlling with her and my fear of abandonment actually caused her to abandon me ( the ex ex) in the end. She wasn't 'the one', but I remember my time with her fondly.
The really not believing you are loveable thing, does anyone identify?
I'm really pleased I have some healthy exes