Now, I will admit that blame is especially hard to take as a non, because pwBPD are constantly in blame mode. It is like the child who cries wolf, you start to reflexively discount blame from the BPD because they do it so much.
another reaction often seen is to reflexively accept blame from the BPD. acceding to it only reinforces the behavior in the BPD and the despair in the non. neither discounting it nor accepting it contribute to a harmonious relationship, or as harmonious as it can be. Hmcbart give good suggestions with using SET and avoiding JADE. we have resources on communication:
Communication tools (SET, PUVAS, DEARMAN)we also have a resource on projection:
BPD BEHAVIORS: Projection and a summary of tools here:
https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=56206.#msg913190while i understand your frustration Processing, having lived it myself, this:
I have probably given her this feedback 1000 times that she can not accept blame.
will not be heard as feedback, however accurate it surely is, but as invalidation. in the last of the links above there is a bit about communicating with validation.
how are your children doing?