Sex Addiction

[Circle]

My exSOw/BPD and I are no longer "together". We still visit. And, have had sex a couple of times since ending things. I struggle with the urge to have sex. Waking up, and wanting to have sex with someone. So, it's natural for me to want to call my exSO up.

     Does anyone else struggle with the urge to need to have sex, constantly? I think it's a large part of what kept me in the relationship for so long; having someone to sleep with. I feel like maybe I have a sex addiction, because at times, it could be anyone. I just need to-constantly. And that was a large part of the glue that kept me attached to my exSOw/BPD.

     Anyone else in the same boat?

[llor]

My ex-wife w/BPD tried at various occasions to lure me back in her bed. I am a man with what I consider quite an active libido but I can guarantee you that there is no way I would even consider doing it with her ever again. She is and was always a very attractive woman but now that I know and understand how she truly is, I would rather shoot myself down there with white hot 6 inches iron nails than sleep with her again. Since we broke up she has been into such crazy stuff in bed (I know because she made a point to text me details of all her encounters until I blocked her off my phone) that I would'nt even touch her with a 10 feet flagpole.

And Darling I am not judging you. I actually feel sad for you because if sex is your weakness, he will play on that chord as much as he can to manipulate you and keep you around.

That is a very personnal subject and if this is really something you can't control, I would recommend you maybe seek professionnal assistance with that.

[vortex of confusion]

If you are concerned that you might have a sex addiction, you can take this online sex addiction screening test. It is a quick test to give you a better idea of where you stand. There are also 12 step groups that you check out like SA and SAA. There are also FB groups for people that think they might be sex addicts.

My husband is a sex addict.

Does your need for sex interfere with your daily life?

Forgot to post the link: https://www.recoveryzone.com/tests/sex-addiction/SAST/index.php

[Circle]

She is and was always a very attractive woman but now that I know and understand how she truly is, I would rather shoot myself down there with white hot 6 inches iron nails than sleep with her again.

This is a good quote. I think you are right. I should talk to my therapist about it. I'm a bit shy to bring it up with them, but it would probably be best.

[Circle]

If you are concerned that you might have a sex addiction, you can take this online sex addiction screening test. It is a quick test to give you a better idea of where you stand.

Thanks V.O.C., I'll check this out. To answer your question; I guess it interferes with my life, in that it has prompted me to enter into relationships with people that prey on my desire, to fulfill their own unrelated needs. The only other way that it seems problematic, is that I'm pretty unsatisfied if my needs are unfulfilled. This then causes me to start 'hunting' around dating sites, etc. So, in a way it keeps me from being 'in the moment' and patient. Patient and more centered toward finding the 'right' relationship. Which of course could arrive without hunting perhaps. Yet might be a much longer, natural process. That's what I struggle with.

[vortex of confusion]

Thanks V.O.C., I'll check this out. To answer your question; I guess it interferes with my life, in that it has prompted me to enter into relationships with people that prey on my desire, to fulfill their own unrelated needs. The only other way that it seems problematic, is that I'm pretty unsatisfied if my needs are unfulfilled. This then causes me to start 'hunting' around dating sites, etc. So, in a way it keeps me from being 'in the moment' and patient. Patient and more centered toward finding the 'right' relationship. Which of course could arrive without hunting perhaps. Yet might be a much longer, natural process. That's what I struggle with.

That does sound a bit problematic. My husband's problem is more about porn use and avoiding intimacy with others. Here is a link on this site called "When the sex becomes too important" https://bpdfamily.com/bpdresources/nk_a114.htm

It is really great that you are recognizing this about yourself. My husband spent years in denial and it has made having any kind of emotionally intimate relationship with him very difficult.

 

If you need some reading suggestions or resources about SA, let me know. I commend you for recognizing this and trying to do something about it. Until you figure this out, it will be very difficult for you to be in a healthy relationship.

[workinprogress]

There was a woman that I was involved with in my early 20's that I would say that I was sexually addicted to.  I couldn't understand it.  She used me something awful, yet I had such urges for her.  We would break up and then I would get lured back in with sex, then she would disappear.  I would get very depressed after this.

I found it best to be rid of her cold turkey.  I broke all contact with her.

Then, a couple of years later she called me out of the blue.  She was getting married and wanted to have sex with me before the big day.

[Circle]

It is really great that you are recognizing this about yourself.

If you need some reading suggestions or resources about SA, let me know. I commend you for recognizing this and trying to do something about it.

Thanks for your support V.O.C. If I need your help with resources, I will let you know.

"Until you figure this out, it will be very difficult for you to be in a healthy relationship." -V.O.C.

I don't feel like it necessarily hinders being in a healthy relationship though. Rather, it hinders me being patient enough to find a healthy partner. I do not cheat. I am fully devoted. I am true to my partner, and can control my urges to the extent that I resist temptation. I have resisted temptation successfully throughout my life. I just hop too quickly into the sheets with someone before knowing them, when single, I think. In a way, that's what we are all learning on these boards, I suppose; how to find a healthy relationship and be healthy in one. Just thinking out loud.

It's also the constant urge that is so frustrating. Perhaps similar to what alcoholics deal with. Fortunately, I can't just go buy it at the store legally! Or else, I'd really be screwed. 

[Circle]

I found it best to be rid of her cold turkey.  I broke all contact with her.

Then, a couple of years later she called me out of the blue.  She was getting married and wanted to have sex with me before the big day.

Thanks for sharing. Glad you were able to go cold turkey. Take care.