NC boundaries

[WhatJustHappened?]

Sorry for being redundant but I need help with a question that may have gotten lost in my original thread. https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=278154.0

Question: At this point, is it better to stay NC versus sending something in writing stating that I wish no further contact and am keeping a log of our interactions? I want my exBPD to know that I will not be bullied or intimidated easily and that she has been put on notice. But at the same time, I know that this may just lead to more problems as she is not rational.

Advice? Thoughts?

[disillusionedandsore]

Wouldn't matter what I said to mine,  he wouldn't respect boundaries.  I keep my game plan to myself now.  Actions speak louder than words.

[Mutt]

I don't think that there's a right or wrong. You can tell her and she may respect it and she'll likely try to bust it at some point and continue testing it. You can choose to say nothing and the commonality is defending your boundaries with both scenarios. Keep in mind BPD is arrested emotional development and emotional immaturity, she understands very little with boundaries on herself and much less boundaries of others. She lacks impulse control and wants instant gratification.

The goal post break-up is not give her gratification by responding to her need to sooth or an emotional attachment. You can't put the boundary on someone else. If she does Y, I respond with X. You can tell her or not although I would suggest saying it once and not JADE ( Justify, Attack, Defend, Explain ) to not give the opportunity to create drama. Negative attention is still attention. Keep defending your boundary and she'll eventually get the picture.



----Mutt

[hurting300]

You can't ever get a legal order if you had too unless you tell her. Do not contact me. And honestly isn't it bad just leaving a person hanging and not knowing? That my friend will cause someone to look for you and harass you. My ex suddenly disappeared without word with our daughter. Now I have my child back after a year. The judge called my ex a coward for not saying anything. I won custody.