encouragement

[mcardleh]

I have a 27 yr old daughter who is currently in a program but who is desperately wanting to leave.

I don't know how to communicate with her the importance of her staying.

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[madmom]

Welcome, my daughter is also 27.  It sounds like you are in a very tough situation right now. Can you tell us a little bit more?  What type of program?  Has she been in it awhile?  Do you think it is helpful to her?  Take a look at the Tools and Lessons on the right hand side of page, especially about listening with empathy and validation, so you are more prepared to talk with her.  I am anxious to hear more from you.  You have come to the right place, there is lots of support here for you.  You are not alone.

[kelti1972]

mcard:

Welcome, yes do tell us more and give us more information.  I also have a 27 year old son who is in therapy and going to start DBT soon.  There is a lot of support and help here.  Hope to hear from you again!    Kelti

[mcardleh]

Thank you for your thoughts.  My daughter is in an all women's program that has DBT training.  I think she can benefit from it, she is  struggling to understand how to work with the skills they are giving her.  Unfortunately she just found out that one of the staff members passed away during surgery.  She has lost a lot of people in her past and this situation is very overwhelming to her. I'm struggling when I am in the moment of a conversation with her remembering how to use the tools that I have read here.  I agree there is a lot of good information here.

[lbjnltx]

Hi mcardleh,

It's great that your daughter is in a DBT program.  Getting an adult into an inpatient long term program is difficult so I understand why you would be concerned that she may leave.

When my daughter was wanting to drop out of something or not finish what she started I used an innocuous scenario to get her to agree with my logic and then I would apply it to her particular situation.  For example:

"If you had invested 25 hours in writing a research paper and your teacher handed it back to you and said it was a "d" paper and asked you to invest 3 more hours into a rewrite for an "a" that you need to pass the class would  you do it?" Daughter says "yes" reluctantly.  "Ok, so you have invested 2 months in this therapy and need to invest 2 more weeks so I'm asking you to follow through on the investment in yourself and finish this."

She agreed.

I don't know if this will work with your daughter or not, maybe if you can personalize it for her situation she will be able to see the logic of investing in herself. 

lbj

[madmom]

Wow, I think it is great that your daughter is in a program for women and they have DBT therapy also.  I can certainly see why you would want her to stay.   How is she doing now?  Is she still feeling the same way, or was she just reacting to the emotions she was feeling about the staff member who passed away?