Left without my soulmate - dumped by BPD

[Butterfly88]

It has been over 3 weeks since my BPD ex dumped me, we had an intense roller coaster just short of a year had a bad childhood mentally abusive stepdad for 10 years /drug and alcohol addiction but has been clean for 7 and his dad that abandoned him died of cancers he is only 28 I lost my mum too within the past few years and I'm only 26 I empathised with him as soon as I met him he told me all of these issues that's happened to him which looking back now was to make excuses for his behaviour he'd be so into me and all of a sudden say he's not ready for anything I'd win him back he'd create more  drama and excuses . He'd constantly accuse me of cheating and having hidden men- I felt like I was put into a trap, the first time after a lovely month or two when he just all of a sudden said were too different and wouldn't work I went on a dating app and had a few dates with someone else then he wanted me back so I went back to him about a month later having the most amazing evening together while I was sleeping he went through my phone , all texts, pictures and even redownload the app off my phone and read every single message he then accused,e of him being the rebound and me wanting the other guy all along, it made me so upset since then he used that as I was basically a cheat and any guy who spoke to me even friends which I kept at arms length because he accused me of being in love with him even if a married work colleague would talk to me on Facebook I would be accused of having an affair with him, I know this all sounds so unhealthy but god I. Loved him . It was so intense and he just was so so thoughtful he'd do things for me no man would ever dream of, he'd pack tissues in my bag whenever I left him wheN I was ill once I came to his and there was a bag full of things such as a hot water bottle, a teddy bear chocolates and flowers , he'd draw me pictures and he said he wanted to marry me we even spoke about how many children we'd have and what pets we'd have and I know our rows were unhealthy but they got like that because he would accuse me of the most ridiculous things and I'd go mental I would say things I obviously didn't mean and he would end up the victim every time . His nan recently passed away and all of a sudden he just ended it with me. I think he believed I was trying to get money from him because he was left everything which wasn't but I think he was paranoid of this. Ever since then he's dumped me and been so so cold and all of a sudden he just wasn't interested anymore... .Said we constantly row, there's no trust (which is on his part) and that I should find someone else and he will never trust me but I am struggling so much up until 2 days ago I would constantly text, call etc I have even just been on holiday for a week and was constantly texting him to which he basically said he doesn't get why I'm so upset we weren't togetherfor a life time just 10 months and that I need to get over it , how can he be so cold ? 5 days before he dumped me he sent me a picture that he drew saying our love would last for eternity and then he just dumps me after a big row it is truly over and I've tried and tried to get him to see he just keep saying it's not right he ended it over what'sapp and posted my clothes back in a box I retaliated and sent his back I feelso angry hurt and betrayed I feel like he's lied all along, I accepted all of him accusing me because I loved him so much I put up with the controlling behaviour I was willing to just accept it to be with him, why doesn't he want me anymore? Do BPD males change their mind? I just want him back so badly no matter how lovely I am to him even after I've been dumped he is still so cold to me. How do people heal from this? I feel like I won't find anyone like him again and he was the one it's felt so different than any other relationship. I have been in a five year relationship and it didn't hurt as much as this, how can he not care about me anymore or or even speak to me now but when we were together if I didn't reply to his message within 10 minutes he'd be annoyed at me how can anyone change so quickly.

[Mutt]

Hi Butterfly88,



I'm sorry to hear that. You've suffered the loss of your mother and a loss of a r/s  I would feel terrible with the constant accusations.

His nan recently passed away and all of a sudden he just ended it with me.

He's going through a life event and a pwBPD have difficulties with stress and anxiety.

Ever since then he's dumped me and been so so cold and all of a sudden he just wasn't interested anymore... .

why doesn't he want me anymore? Do BPD males change their mind?

I can understand how painful it feels when a partner shows little to no empathy with how their actions hurt.

A pwBPD have dichotomous thinking or black and white thinking. Splitting is a primitive self defense mechanism that protects from anxiety and stress. He has difficulties seeing the grey areas in life and people. You are either all good or all bad and for now you're split black.

How do people heal from this? I feel like I won't find anyone like him again and he was the one it's felt so different than any other relationship.

A break-up with a pwBPD is confusing, chaotic and confusing. The idealization and being put on a pedestal can feel incredible; while the fall down from that pedestal can feel long and hard.

I have even just been on holiday for a week and was constantly texting him

How did texting him make you feel? Did you feel keyed up or knots in your stomach?

[Butterfly88]

Hi Butterfly88,



I'm sorry to hear that. You've suffered the loss of your mother and a loss of a r/s  I would feel terrible with the constant accusations.

His nan recently passed away and all of a sudden he just ended it with me.

He's going through a life event and a pwBPD have difficulties with stress and anxiety.

Ever since then he's dumped me and been so so cold and all of a sudden he just wasn't interested anymore... .

why doesn't he want me anymore? Do BPD males change their mind?

I can understand how painful it feels when a partner shows little to no empathy with how their actions hurt.

A pwBPD have dichotomous thinking or black and white thinking. Splitting is a primitive self defense mechanism that protects from anxiety and stress. He has difficulties seeing the grey areas in life and people. You are either all good or all bad and for now you're split black.

How do people heal from this? I feel like I won't find anyone like him again and he was the one it's felt so different than any other relationship.

A break-up with a pwBPD is confusing, chaotic and confusing. The idealization and being put on a pedestal can feel incredible; while the fall down from that pedestal can feel long and hard.

I have even just been on holiday for a week and was constantly texting him

How did texting him make you feel? Did you feel keyed up or knots in your stomach?

It has been 3 weeks of me practically begging for him to not give up on us I'd send essay after essay on text and phone he would reply sometimes saying he missed me but its spiteful and untrusting and were too different and we constantly argue but he'd cause most of them for the most ridiculous things like if I read his what'sapp message and didn't reply for 5 minutes it would involve me being accused of talking to someone else and ignoring him, deep down I know it was wrong as everyone around me said it was unhealthy but I loved him so much my stomach physically is sore I miss him so so much literally everything reminds me of him, I was truly in my head ready to put up with his issues for the rest of my life be his wife and marry him have children just like we spoke about so many times I don't know how he can just forget everything all the good memories and treat me like Im nothing, he literally said that us being together for that long wasn't a big deal and it's not like it was a lifetime he completely insulted my absolute feeling of betrayal and utter heartbreak I wish he'd come back I know it's stupid I need to be strong but I have no idea how he's blocked me from everything and the last message I sent was saying he's broke my heart and Ill never speak to him again this was Monday its only been two days but feels like a lifetime he's blocked me from everything now I just can't stop thinking about what I said after we broke up I was bitter and said some mean things and I know I shouldn't have Im just absolutely torn apart and have no idea what to do

[Mutt]

Hi

I understand how you would feel torn apart and sometimes we may say things we regret later when we're frustrated and angry. I dont think we should be hard on ourselves. I think that we have choices. Do you think it may help to explore your options and learn the tools on either the Staying Board or the Undecided Board? I can move thread to either if you like. The Leaving Board is to have a post-mortem, detach and rebuild ourselves.

Are you done?

[Loosestrife]

Hi, we all say things we regret when we are in pain. Try to take a few steps back, go easy on yourself and take stock of the bigger picture. Were you happy more than not? Did you the realtionship meet your needs?

L