How are your emotions post break up?

[enlighten me]

Its been over a year since spitting up with my ex gf. One thing ive noticed is that my emotions towards her have subsided dramatically. I certainly dont miss her. Not as angry about her and definately dont love her. What has suprised me is how I react to other things. I find myself welling up at all those touching stories. Im almost crying when I see some stuff like the dad who did the iron man with his disabled son. Any show of genuine love leaves me fealing happy for them but a little sad for me.

Anyone else feel like this?

[Grey Kitty]

My breakup was more recent... .it started 8 months ago, and finished 2 months ago, and we were together over 20 years. I'm still feeling things about my wife, and we've still got some separation logistics to deal with... .and she's trying to be friends with me, even though I'm not ready for that yet. We've stayed civil... .and perhaps in a year I hope to be able to be friends with her again... .but not now!  That part is very different.

The other part--I've been broken open by the process, and often I'm very easily touched by things like that. I haven't felt this open in years.

[disorderedsociety]

Yeah, seeing displays of genuine love and affection between couples and people with kids in public has literally brought me to tears recently. I think its a way of grieving and releasing old emotions.

[Tibbles]

Yes genuine displays of love, especially between father and children - be they adult children or very young move me to tears too. I  feel great sadness and wish for what could have been between my ex and our kids. I know he wanted to have a loving relationship with our kids - he just does not get how to do that. I still wish for the "if only" for my family. Still grieving I guess. Tearing up writing this.

As for being friends - I look forward to when all our legal stuff is done. He still contacts me - asking for a catch up and coffee. I don't respond. At the moment I don't wish him anything, not good will, not bad will. I just want to have him out of my life so I don't have to deal with his emotional deregulation any more. Once I feel safe, then I can decide if I want to still have contact. Maybe then I will remember the man I fell in love with and care a little for him again. For now - way too hard.

[fromheeltoheal]

I can relate.  I found after a while, with some distance and reflection, that my emotions started waking up again, which was a surprise because I didn't know they'd shut down, I couldn't feel it (duh).  A defense mechanism that kicked in to protect me from continual chaos and uncertainty, and not even remotely getting my needs met, caused me to create some mental Thorazine as survival.  Thank you whatever part of me that was protecting me, and like you guys the reawakening has come with intense emotions, which is a good thing, if an overshoot for now.  Me, I hate those pull-at-the-heart-strings commercials for abused and abandoned dogs, gets me every time, I either need to change the channel or open a kennel, but at least I know my heart is awake and well.  So moving forward?  Stay fully emotionally awake and eliminate people and situations that cause that defense mechanism to kick in again.  Who can I be open, honest and vulnerable with, and have it accepted without judgement and with support?  If you don't qualify you need to get out of my life right now, life is too short to not feel.

[Moselle]

Its been over a year since spitting up with my ex gf. One thing ive noticed is that my emotions towards her have subsided dramatically. I certainly dont miss her. Not as angry about her and definately dont love her. What has suprised me is how I react to other things. I find myself welling up at all those touching stories. Im almost crying when I see some stuff like the dad who did the iron man with his disabled son. Any show of genuine love leaves me fealing happy for them but a little sad for me.

Anyone else feel like this?

That makes perfect sense to me! The emotional control is in all of those things. The anger, the love, the yearning - the drama. Once those things have subsided, there is nothing, and I empathise completely, I don't miss mine at all either. Even though I fought for the marriage for 5 years, I am so glad it is over now. I hope for a measure of peace to come, and happiness eventually.

My breakup was more recent... .it started 8 months ago, and finished 2 months ago, and we were together over 20 years. I'm still feeling things about my wife, and we've still got some separation logistics to deal with... .and she's trying to be friends with me, even though I'm not ready for that yet. We've stayed civil... .and perhaps in a year I hope to be able to be friends with her again... .but not now!  That part is very different.

The other part--I've been broken open by the process, and often I'm very easily touched by things like that. I haven't felt this open in years.

Hi there GK. Sorry to hear about your breakup. It sounds like yours is fairly amicable. Glad you're feeling open :-)

[HopefulDad]

I am much more aware of genuine empathy from others than I was before, even if it is not directed towards me.  I knew my parents were chock full of empathy towards everyone around them, but I really see it more now.  I see how much my current girlfriend genuinely cares about her family and how they all pull for each other.

I'm also much more aware of seeing the lack of empathy or a sense of entitlement in some people.  Sadly, some of these people are spouses of people I care deeply about and I just hope these people are not making the same mistakes I made for years.

[A Dad]

Oh yeah I was crying like a baby when I saw the Team Hoyt video.

Also random bits of kindness in movies and shows will make me well up. Like one day watching an episode of a Scifi show where people with disappeared family members meet in a group... I was just overwhelmed by the thought that this is what families are about - not giving up on each other.

I have no desire to be back with my ex. Thank the gods that she ended our marriage but I still feel sorry for my little boys. They are so amazing and they deserved better.

[going places]

Its been over a year since spitting up with my ex gf. One thing ive noticed is that my emotions towards her have subsided dramatically. I certainly dont miss her. Not as angry about her and definately dont love her. What has suprised me is how I react to other things. I find myself welling up at all those touching stories. Im almost crying when I see some stuff like the dad who did the iron man with his disabled son. Any show of genuine love leaves me fealing happy for them but a little sad for me.

Anyone else feel like this?

I have been divorced, 1 year. I have not seen his face, in 11 months.

This is after a 25 year marriage.

The negative emotions are subsiding.

The other day, I was on the phone with Obamacare for an hour (I am getting royally screwed).

6 months ago, that would have sent me into a "this is his fault for being a dirtbag and ruining the marriage"... .etc.

Yesterday it was just "this is a racket, I'll figure it out later".

I do not miss him or his sickness in any way shape or form... .

BUT

I realize now, what's been 'missing' from my life, for decades.

Love.

Genuine, tender, love.

I want to have those 'giggly' feelings... .I want someone to have those 'giggly' feelings for me.

Once I realized WHAT was happening to me, what it's effects were on me, my own self worth, and got away from the abuse... .

I realized how much I have missed out on... .and how much I really want to have something 'real' (and healthy)

Every day the ex is less and less of a thought... .every day is more and more healthy!

Praise the Lord

[Moselle]

Its been over a year since spitting up with my ex gf. One thing ive noticed is that my emotions towards her have subsided dramatically. I certainly dont miss her. Not as angry about her and definately dont love her. What has suprised me is how I react to other things. I find myself welling up at all those touching stories. Im almost crying when I see some stuff like the dad who did the iron man with his disabled son. Any show of genuine love leaves me fealing happy for them but a little sad for me.

Anyone else feel like this?

I have been divorced, 1 year. I have not seen his face, in 11 months.

This is after a 25 year marriage.

The negative emotions are subsiding.

The other day, I was on the phone with Obamacare for an hour (I am getting royally screwed).

6 months ago, that would have sent me into a "this is his fault for being a dirtbag and ruining the marriage"... .etc.

Yesterday it was just "this is a racket, I'll figure it out later".

I do not miss him or his sickness in any way shape or form... .

BUT

I realize now, what's been 'missing' from my life, for decades.

Love.

Genuine, tender, love.

I want to have those 'giggly' feelings... .I want someone to have those 'giggly' feelings for me.

Once I realized WHAT was happening to me, what it's effects were on me, my own self worth, and got away from the abuse... .

I realized how much I have missed out on... .and how much I really want to have something 'real' (and healthy)

Every day the ex is less and less of a thought... .every day is more and more healthy!

Praise the Lord

Going places. That's fantastic. It sounds like you are really in a good space.