Sister in Law

[JosephMerrill]

My wife and I have chosen to provide a place for my wife's sister who has BPD to live with us.  She has been living in our apartment for the last two years.  There are 3 conflicting realities.  I'm not looking for help changing the realities, I'd like help from others in managing them.

1.) there is no other place for the sister in law to live at present.  If anyone knows how to constructively help someone with BPD move into a different living environment without severing the relationship, that would be helpful!

2.) The e-motional energy we spend on managing and responding to our sister in law is starting to become unsustainable.  Sometimes it feels like she is our child.

3.) the financial commitment of affording an apartment large enough for the three of us to live in makes it financially irresponsible for us to also have children of our own.

We are getting her on SSI and foodstamps (she can't work) but there is still the increased rent to consider.  We are worried because we feel that we can only have her be in our home for about another year, and can neither fail to justify kicking her out nor sustain her living with us indefinately.  Any thoughts?

[Kwamina]

Hi JosephMerrill

You're in a difficult situation here unfortunately. Dealing with someone who has BPD can be quite challenging and indeed take a toll on you. Has your sister in law been officially diagnosed with BPD? Has she ever received any kind of treatment or therapy to help her deal with her issues?

No matter how you decide to move forward, I think you might benefit from taking a look at some resources about communication techniques:

Communication Skills - Validation

Ending the Cycle of Conflict

These communication techniques might help you talk to your sister in law. You say she can't work, is that because of her BPD?

Take care