Introduction

[Itsbeentoolong]

Hi Everyone,

I'm joining this discussion group to get support around my relationship with my husband of 27 years. Of course, Im isolated and my self-esteem is low. What's new?  After knowing this person for 37 years... .WOW... .that's why my user name is what it is.  It's been too long. My life has been fairly typical living with this person.  I hadn't even considered he was BPD!  I thought he was a narcissist. I'm an educated lady... .as if that matters when dealing with this type of person. I studied to be a clinical psychologist and was almost to field work and exams, got pregnant at 35 and stopped working on my Masters. Why?  Because he always felt I was analyzing him. I could focus on my accounting job and on the birth of our first child. I regret that move more than anything. In grad school, I would avoid looking into the intricacies of Borderlines, often hearing they could not be cured. This was over 20 years ago.

The status now is I WANT OUT!  Of course, it's messy!  I'm 57, don't have a lot of longevity in my family tree, smoking like a fiend, and am In need of support. I'm not desperate, have YEARS of therapy---because I'm the problem---right?  Well, I'm tired, and I know I'm due some happiness, consistency, and TLC. Thanks for your responses.  I hope there will many. I have lots of time to write and I hope to find kindred spirits as we journey a path to a better life. Have a great day!

[PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES]

PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members may appear frustrated but they are here for constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[thefixermom]

Perhaps you will have more longevity and less compulsion to smoke once you follow your heart.   I have looked back in my life recently and picked out the BPD that was in my first marriage, now that I recognize it for what it is and all the futile things I did (never enough) to try to help, while always being made the blame: my fault he drank and was violent, flirted, etc.    Let me just say one thing to you. I know several in their 60's who are in the midst of divorce after long marriages.  In two cases, they were motivated by finding love elsewhere.  I know them both very well and can say wholeheartedly I am very happy for them because they are coming from crazymaking loveless unhappy long term marriages and heading towards relationships where they are received by gentle, patient, loving soon to be mates.  Knowing all parties as I do, I have ultimate faith in them that their new lives will work out very well.  They have suffered more than enough and are ready to spend their remaining few years in joy and adventure vs separate lives with someone who treats them poorly under the same roof.  And both of them are going through messy divorces, too. To say the least, their soon to be former partners are irate and doing everything they can to get control back.  The other person I know who at 60 is divorcing, is quite happy to be in her own home... .not with someone else... .but just getting to be herself and care for herself with no craziness and abuse has her riding high and smiling a lot.   

I'm proud of you. It's never too late.