Need help taking care of me

[Jmarie05]

Hello Everyone,

My name is Jmarie05 and this is how I've found myself here. 10 months ago, my best friend and I decided to start a relationship. I had been single for two years and he got out of a serious relationship to start ours. I've known him for 15 years and he's been one of the most important men in my life. I've always known he was different, thought he was more sensitive than most men, but didn't have a clue who he really was. He's let it all out now and there is no shame in his game. He's recently been diagnosed manic depressive and anti-social with no remorse, is what I was told. That was about 3 months ago, and from what I've read that basically means bipolar disorder and aspd is a sociopath. This is my first time knowing anything about these disorders. It's making me crazy. My life has been seriously damaged and I want it to stop. Leaving is not an option right now so I want to be better at staying until I don't have to. Any help or knowledge I can take with me is appreciated.

[PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES]

PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members may appear frustrated but they are here for constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[Mutt]

Hi Jmarie05,



I can understand how confusing it can be having a partner with mental illness is. I'm sorry to hear that.

We're not professionals and can't diagnose. We can look at traits. This sticks out for me.

but didn't have a clue who he really was

Symptoms of borderline personality disorder from the Mayo Clinic.

People with BPD often have an unstable sense of who they are. That is, their self-image or sense of self often rapidly changes. They typically view themselves as evil or bad, and sometimes they may feel as if they don't exist at all. This unstable self-image can lead to frequent changes in jobs, friendships, goals, values and gender identity.

What are the Symptoms of Borderline Personality Disorder?

What does that mean that he's let it all out and there's no shame in his game?

Is he using the diagnoses to condone his bad behaviors?

[Ceruleanblue]

My understanding is that Antisocial Personality is even worse than Borderline Personality Disorder. I was with someone who I'm sure was a sociopath, and I had to get away from him. My current husband I believe is BPD, and he's been told he has "characteristics", but has basically been diagnosed with a Intermittent Explosive Disorder(I feel if his psychiatrist saw him in actions he'd see the full spectrum of his BPD traits, and his diagnosis would be full on BPD, but higher functioning).

I feel I can deal with the BPD, but for me, being with someone that was a sociopath was just not something I could live with long term. My family was afraid for my life, and it wasn't because he beat me(he didn't beat me), because he was just that cold and without conscience. I loved him so much, but I left him. He'd lied to me, put me in a bad situation, and it totally blew my life up.

If you can, get a support group, and be away from this person as much as you can. Find things that make you happy, and don't engage with this person any more than you have to. It sounds like you are not looking at staying any longer than you have to, so no need to work on small issues with this person? It would probably be useless to do so anyway? It always was for me. I still have bad dreams, and it's been five years.

Hang in there.

[waverider]

Bi-polar and BPD are often confused, The former is a mood disorder, and can be addressed to a degree with medications and has prolonged periods of ups and downs for no obvious reason.

BPD is a personality disorder and can be rapidly fluctuating, usually in response to triggers, and cannot be readily addressed with medications. It effectively needs a personality change to make a big improvement. The rapid fluctuations are largely due to not having a solid feeling for who they are and what there values are. Often values cited are merely mirroring and parroting, they are not entrenched enough to live them consistently.

When you say no shame, is that to you or people in general? Is he testing you for a reaction?

Be aware than when someone has no real sense of who they are they can adopt labels readily and play the part assigned to them. Diagnosis can become an excuse