Kind of forget

[Depression = 72% of members]

So what just happened is pretty small compared to things that happen. I just forgot how much she can get me fired up. Usually she doesn't.

Anyway i phone her and tell her my daughter has lice.

She says i need to change schools because there is too many natives

(okay first of all there is no getting away from natives considering it is a small town surrounded by about 11 reserves, all my kids are natives, most people I know are native, her boyfriend is native and my sisters husband)

Anyway racism really rubs me the wrong way so I say seriously we don't know who she got it from and i dont want to talk about that

Than she continues to say well natives don't take care of their kids hair ( native kids have their hair done up most of the time)

I said seriously I don't want to go there

I don't know it just spiralled from there but she said I was twisting her words. I said by extention you are telling the kids to stay away from natives because of the licebissue whatever... .we can agree to disagree on thatbi dont want to talk about that

But the whole time she sounded crazy and mad and the reason that spiraled so quickly is because i got a bit defencive

You get off the phone thinking what the heck happened.

This is a lame story compared to some of the things she says and does... .but it happened to really upset me because it was stupid to me. Did she think I would actually change schools to get the kids away from other natives... .when there is nativesnin other schools... and we dont know she got it from school... .

Im going to expermint and see what maybe an agreeable conversation would be

The kids got lice

You need to get them out of that schook away from natives they dont take care of their kids hair

Yea im going to change schools

You need to homeschool them (something she says all the time)

Yea totally im going to have to find a husband to pay the bills


I mean none of those things are realistic. Anywaybi had a bad night because one kid was puking, the other is covered jn eggs.  why do I ever phone my mom for support

[Corpal74]

So what just happened is pretty small compared to things that happen. I just forgot how much she can get me fired up. Usually she doesn't.

Anyway i phone her and tell her my daughter has lice.

She says i need to change schools because there is too many natives

(okay first of all there is no getting away from natives considering it is a small town surrounded by about 11 reserves, all my kids are natives, most people I know are native, her boyfriend is native and my sisters husband)

Anyway racism really rubs me the wrong way so I say seriously we don't know who she got it from and i dont want to talk about that

Than she continues to say well natives don't take care of their kids hair ( native kids have their hair done up most of the time)

I said seriously I don't want to go there

I don't know it just spiralled from there but she said I was twisting her words. I said by extention you are telling the kids to stay away from natives because of the licebissue whatever... .we can agree to disagree on thatbi dont want to talk about that

But the whole time she sounded crazy and mad and the reason that spiraled so quickly is because i got a bit defencive

You get off the phone thinking what the heck happened.

This is a lame story compared to some of the things she says and does... .but it happened to really upset me because it was stupid to me. Did she think I would actually change schools to get the kids away from other natives... .when there is nativesnin other schools... and we dont know she got it from school... .

Im going to expermint and see what maybe an agreeable conversation would be

The kids got lice

You need to get them out of that schook away from natives they dont take care of their kids hair

Yea im going to change schools

You need to homeschool them (something she says all the time)

Yea totally im going to have to find a husband to pay the bills


I mean none of those things are realistic. Anywaybi had a bad night because one kid was puking, the other is covered jn eggs.  why do I ever phone my mom for support

[HappyChappy]

It’s quiet natural that you’d get wound up by your mom’s racist comments. But a BPD feels superior and they like to pick on vulnerable groups, so racism is almost a given, as is homophobia, so long as they think the crowed is on their side.

A BPD also likes to change things and keep you stressed, on your toes, so of course she wants you to home educated. I mean have you ever had a stress free year when a BPD is about? But you have every right to get annoyed as your BPD was well out of order. But I’m not going to tell her that, because a BPD is permanently justified. I might nip round her house to sell her overpriced lice treatment that is the only proven remedy for native lice.  Would she go for that?    

[P.F.Change]

Really sorry about the lice. BTDT several times and I know it's a hassle.

Is it possible for you to take a new approach to your mother's comments? For instance, instead of getting frustrated that she doesn't make any sense and has stupid expectations, just expect her not to make sense. You can let it go instead of arguing about it. Something like, "Haha, there goes Mom again using crazy logic. I can't change her, so I'll just tell her thanks for the suggestion and try to change the subject."

 why do I ever phone my mom for support

This is actually a good question. Has your mom been able to offer you support in the past? What kinds of needs is she good at helping with, and what kinds is she not so good at? For example, my mother would be a great resource if I needed someone to proofread or edit a document. She's not a very good resource if I need someone to encourage me or offer emotional support. She's got strengths and weaknesses just like everyone else, and adjusting my expectations for her (and modifying my own behavior accordingly) ended up helping me quite a bit. It didn't make sense to expect someone who can't handle her own feelings to be able to help me with mine. So I developed some boundaries about what I would talk about with her and started seeking emotional support from more stable people. Would that make sense in your situation?

Wishing you peace,

PF

[Corpal74]

Thanks for the comments.

First of all ya not getting defencive helps. That is why I forgot how it feels. She phones me everyday often screaming but I was tired and stressed and am not perfect either so the odd time I will be more firm. I do not tolerate racism is what I said when she freaked out.

Sometimes I will just let her say whatever she wants and can't be bothered with a response just an odd nod.  I am one of the only people who best knows how to reason with her so when I want to talk about things I know how to choose my words. She is still my mother and i dont want to be called ab**** all the time especially in front of my kids for no reason so once in awhile I don't go out of my way to speak in a way pleasing to her.

That being said yes, my mom is experienced with lice. The reason why she thinks natives don't deal with it properly is because she says they just buy the lice treatment that doesn't work. She says you need to pick all the bugs out everyday as they hatch. Anyway my point is that it isn't a native problem i dont know where she gets that... .it is a mistake anyone could make.

What else is she good for. Whenever I need help she jumps in to help in an emergency... .not for day to day support. When my transmission went in my car she bought me an 800 dollar car so I could get to work 20 mins out of town. When I was sick with cancer she watched my kids organized my house. Than when a utruck wasnt paying attention and smashed my car in she lent me her car. That was all within a year. I never asked her to do any of this and almost wanted to say no because BPD people always use it against you... .but i didnt want her to be hurt because she would think her own daughter doesn't even accept her help.

She is a good source of emotional support too. She can be reasonable. I always go in knowing that she can flip anytime.

On the other hand... .she causes so much problems. I used to hate how after a horrible fight she would just phone and act like she didn't say all the horrible things to me, but I came to accept if I wanted any kind of relationship with her talking about it is never an option course because their reality is so twisted. Keep in mind I only just found out what she had. The one reply I said a couple months, "i think you know you're lying ". So iPhone her today she answers the phone, ":)id you phone to be a b**** to me because I'm in a mood ", in a very threatening voice. So I say I'm going than and hang up. We'll have a conversation another time. It is like playing Russian roulette. But sometimes, yea, she can be a great support. anytime she does make me upset over nothing it makes me wonder why I bother. My head told me not to phone her it always tells me not to see her and most of the time I regret it.

[Corpal74]

I guess the point of this post is i forgot how much you can get upset if you let your guard down for even 2 seconds. For me this usually happens when I am not feeling well myself. No energy and patience.

[AloneAtLast]

I guess the point of this post is i forgot how much you can get upset if you let your guard down for even 2 seconds. For me this usually happens when I am not feeling well myself. No energy and patience.

Yes.  I understand this.  We just for a moment need a mommy or a daddy and we hope; therefore, we forget and we get our feelings hurt.

If I had been your mother I would have said "Ah, honey. It is hard isn't it? I've read a lot of articles about bed bugs all over the country and in some really nice places  where they have gotten into.  That probably doesn't help much to know that but I sure will be thinking about you as you wash sheets and towels and hair.  Let me know, baby, if I can help and if I can't do anything more than talk the number is 720-" 

Now what is so f'ing hard about that?

[Corpal74]

I finally just read that last comment  and it made me laugh. Some people really take their parents for granted. Me and my kids got chased off and screamed and swore at on our trip to the park. My youngest kids 4, and 6.