Allow me to introduce myself

[Ken357]

Hi all,

As a survivor of a relationship with a borderline ex-girlfriend I've been looking for some help coping with breakup. Rationally I know I'd never want her back! I'm just  having a hard time with the aftermath.

At the moment I'm kinda pressed for time because I have an appointment at my psychologist's in a few minutes. I'm scheduled for an emdr session concerning the above mentioned issues. I'll get back to you after my session.

Thanks in advance people!

Ken

[EaglesJuju]

Hi Ken357, 

Welcome aboard. 

I am sorry that you are going through this.    I can understand how difficult it is coping with a break up.  The aftermath of the end of a BPD relationship can be very painful. What are you having the hardest time coping with?

Looking forward to reading your response.

[AnalogGuy]

Ken,

The first six months or so after I left my BPD ex-wife were very difficult for a large variety of reasons.  I can imagine many of the things you're going through.  This board was very helpful for me to cope.  Hopefully you stick around a while.

[Ken357]

Hey guys,

Thanks for your kind words! I'm sorry I didn't respond till now. I thought I had not posted correctly. I couldn't find my post because I accidentally posted it in "undecided" while I meant to post it in "leaving". Sorry about that!

Anyway, I've been in this relationship for about 10 years. Last year we decided to call it quits but we remained in the same house together as "friends". This staying together as friends proved to be a huge mistake.

I should start at the beginning though. We met each other at work while I was going through a divorce. I was vulnerable at that time and she was a fragile, needy younger girl with "daddy" issues and a lot of drama. She used this drama like a business card. Long story short we ended up living together co-dependently as each others saviors and needless to say we were severely in love for the first 5 years. Then things started to change slowly but gradually. She developed a frozen shoulder, got depressed, received antidepressants for that, lost her job, started taking Valium and opiate pain killers, got prescribed dexamphetamine for ADD, and continued using marijuana daily for the last 5 years. In the meantime she moved out of the bedroom to the spare bedroom. I continued to facilitate this behavior thinking it would change for the better once her shoulder got better... .Well, here comes the kicker! Last year she developed a relationship in secret with her 20 year older bisexual physical therapist. She created a couple of imaginary friends who I was never allowed to meet just so she could conceal her visits with the therapist. Her alibi's so to speak. To this day she continues to lie about the both of them.

We've split up a while back. I moved out and she moved into a single room provided by guess who... .Her physical therapist. She keeps saying they're not friends. He just helps her out she says. They're whatsapping all day long which she denies when I ask her. She is under the impression that if you lie really loudly, people will start to believe you! Then she blames me constantly for ruining our relationship and getting her into this situation! She keeps blackmailing me emotionally which is very taxing on my new life my loving new girlfriend.

At the moment I'm in therapy for this and am getting EMDR to help work through the trauma inflicted on me. I need to find my self esteem back and not be hesitant to indulge in my new relationship. I've taken such a beating that I can hardly believe that my new girlfriend really loves me. Rationally I know that she does but I'm having a hard time believing she can fall for such a piece of sh#t like me. After all, I've been blamed for everything bad the last 5 years. It's become a way of life almost.

Well, so much for my story. I hope I'm making sense of it all. When I start typing this I start to remember all kinds of things and I tend  to ramble on... .LOL!

Have a good'un folks!

[Ken357]

Hi Ken357, 

Welcome aboard. 

I am sorry that you are going through this.    I can understand how difficult it is coping with a break up.  The aftermath of the end of a BPD relationship can be very painful. What are you having the hardest time coping with?

Looking forward to reading your response.

Hey there EaglesJuju,

I'm sorry I'm just now responding to your post. I must have overlooked your question. I'm also wondering if I'm in the right part of the forum as I'm "decided" instead of in the middle of... .Maybe we should move my thread to the decided section? I find it very quiet in this section... .

But to get back to your question on what I'm struggling most with, I must say that's a good question. I'd have to say it's the guilt towards my new girlfriend who I've been involved with for about 6 months now. She's very patient and understanding but I feel that I should focus on her for 100% instead of sometimes having to deal with the issues with my ex. Some say my new girlfriend and I met to soon but that's life. We're already in love so that's that you know?

I'm also having trouble with letting go. For a good 10 years my ex and I took care of each other so speak and especially the last few years I was her care giver. In the mean time she was getting more and more "support" (top secret) from her physical therapist. At the end of the day all I got was blame and emotional blackmail. I can honestly say that this whole unethical, illegal, and immoral thing with her gay or bi-sexual physical therapist and the blame game towards me has really messed up my self esteem and self image. The constant lying about things is a b___ to deal with. It would be a lot easier if she would have moved away to a different town or so. But we run into each other almost daily in town here. Ugh!

Looking forward to your (and others) reply bro. Have a great day!

Ken357