She/He should not have forgotten this.

[DyingLove]

What were those things that you did that they just took for granted or didn't appreciate.

- Paid her electric bill (was turned off) before we even physically met.

- Paid her rent once or twice at first place (that she lost)

- She lost her dwelling but I got the landlord to give three months without rent in the end.

- Totally moved her and I out of first place and into 2nd place.

- Paid one year rent in advance in second place (nearly 10K)

- Got her a phone on my plan in the beginning, paid majority of bill, she only had to pay about 20.

- Bought her the first pair of decent sneakers she's ever had

- Always gave her money and gift cards before moving with her.

- Bought her family a new tv for first christmas (in advance)

- Bought her daughter a camera and new netbook computer. (daughter turned into a real snot)

- Cleaned up the pigstye house of hers.  At least the Kitchen, LR and Bedroom and bathroom.

My first trip to be with her, I fixed her bedroom furniture, because her ex#2 busted the doors on the armoire chest.  They were just hanging off by a hair.  I fixed in about an hour.  Not even a friggin word!

The crap attitude I had to take from her ex husband.  And she didn't even apologize, it's just like, Pay no attention etc.

This is just a itty bitty list.  I still didn't see it coming!  I just tried to be a good man and provide for my new family. 

What are those things that stand out in your situation?

[rotiroti]

She really had me playing the fixer role. After 5 days of having moving in with her (at her behest) she started showing some serious  . Nothing I did at that time was right.

How dare I cook lentils?

I was never doing things the way she liked it... in one episode she exploded when i wasn't moving a blanket fast enough.

and when she would go off, she would start mentioning "wrong-doings" from our past, like a minute detail from a vacation. She hated a hotel from a vacation a year ago.

Ugh... .i can't beleive after a week of NC i was actually contemplating calling back, thanks for reminding me the ginormous pile of negatives!

[Bassoutcast]

-Gave her money and a "food parcel" when her parents left for a week without leaving any money/food.

-Fixed her phone after she dropped it (cost me quite a lot)

-Let her stay at my place when she was having trouble with her family

-Came over each time she sounded suicidal/depressed on the phone. she lived AN HOUR AWAY.

-STOPPED HER FROM COMMITTING SUICIDE

-Left the army for her, in order to start a life together (dumped a month and a half later)

-Took care of her for DAYS when she was sick, didn't leave her side for five minutes, slept on the floor to let her sleep peacefully in my bed, drove myself to literal exhaustion (couldn't walk for 2 days).

Oh and did I mentioned - STOPPED HER FROM COMMITTING SUICIDE! (I feel like this should be mentioned twice).

And the funny thing is when I told some of it to a mutual female friend (while my then-gf was giving me the silent treatment) - She said "WOW, she probably really appreciates you" - NOPE. I remember after taking care of my ex (for days as mentioned above) and she then went straight to work I got depressed and she asked why and I remember saying I felt "Like a used condom. take me, use me for your needs, throw me away when you're done" - I remember she was all like "No, I don't mean it that way, we'll have a date after work, blah blah blah"... .a week later I found out I was 100% correct.

[DyingLove]

I used up every penny I had and MORE.  It was OKAY though because this was the woman I loved and she loved me and we'd be together forever!  If we were broke, we'd sit on the curb together, that was her statement.

I litterally spent $30K, everything i had, as well as all the money from the piddly jobs I had done. At the end she says all she does is support me!  If there is a God (I know there is), can we do something like you did to the platypus to her?  Please?

[UserName69]

What were those things that you did that they just took for granted or didn't appreciate.

- Paid her electric bill (was turned off) before we even physically met.

- Paid her rent once or twice at first place (that she lost)

- She lost her dwelling but I got the landlord to give three months without rent in the end.

- Totally moved her and I out of first place and into 2nd place.

- Paid one year rent in advance in second place (nearly 10K)

- Got her a phone on my plan in the beginning, paid majority of bill, she only had to pay about 20.

- Bought her the first pair of decent sneakers she's ever had

- Always gave her money and gift cards before moving with her.

- Bought her family a new tv for first christmas (in advance)

- Bought her daughter a camera and new netbook computer. (daughter turned into a real snot)

- Cleaned up the pigstye house of hers.  At least the Kitchen, LR and Bedroom and bathroom.

My first trip to be with her, I fixed her bedroom furniture, because her ex#2 busted the doors on the armoire chest.  They were just hanging off by a hair.  I fixed in about an hour.  Not even a friggin word!

The crap attitude I had to take from her ex husband.  And she didn't even apologize, it's just like, Pay no attention etc.

This is just a itty bitty list.  I still didn't see it coming!  I just tried to be a good man and provide for my new family. 

What are those things that stand out in your situation?

You have been so nice to a person and is this how they thank you? Just let your ex be who she want's to be, I don't think she'll ever find a guy like you. She's the loser here just like my exBPD. You see that's why I started to hate her she never apologized to me and I mean it when I say I don't wish her well.

- I took her out on so many dinners, and I always paid and never allowed her to pay up for anything.

- I gave her a lot of attention.

- I always placed her on top priority.

- I always was ready for her when she needed me.

- If she had mood swings I always tried to calm her down.

- I took her once to a comedy show with me.

I wanted to give her a nice bracelet for her bday but she didn't invite me while she told me that her exBF forgot about her bday and he gave her something she didn't like. For me this was the end, this made me go out and look for an another partner. She's the one who lost a good partner, she told me once that every guy she dated wasn't nice for her like I was I assume she's the loser now.

I thank God for this experience just because of this experience I have met a girl who's even better compared to this piece of _____ exBPD of mine. At least she's someone who can take care of herself and isn't a complete loser like my exBPD. Sorry for sounding harsh but whenever I read these kind of experience's I get a little bit upset.

[DyingLove]

What were those things that you did that they just took for granted or didn't appreciate.

- Paid her electric bill (was turned off) before we even physically met.

- Paid her rent once or twice at first place (that she lost)

- She lost her dwelling but I got the landlord to give three months without rent in the end.

- Totally moved her and I out of first place and into 2nd place.

- Paid one year rent in advance in second place (nearly 10K)

- Got her a phone on my plan in the beginning, paid majority of bill, she only had to pay about 20.

- Bought her the first pair of decent sneakers she's ever had

- Always gave her money and gift cards before moving with her.

- Bought her family a new tv for first christmas (in advance)

- Bought her daughter a camera and new netbook computer. (daughter turned into a real snot)

- Cleaned up the pigstye house of hers.  At least the Kitchen, LR and Bedroom and bathroom.

My first trip to be with her, I fixed her bedroom furniture, because her ex#2 busted the doors on the armoire chest.  They were just hanging off by a hair.  I fixed in about an hour.  Not even a friggin word!

The crap attitude I had to take from her ex husband.  And she didn't even apologize, it's just like, Pay no attention etc.

This is just a itty bitty list.  I still didn't see it coming!  I just tried to be a good man and provide for my new family. 

What are those things that stand out in your situation?

You have been so nice to a person and is this how they thank you? Just let your ex be who she want's to be, I don't think she'll ever find a guy like you. She's the loser here just like my exBPD. You see that's why I started to hate her she never apologized to me and I mean it when I say I don't wish her well.

- I took her out on so many dinners, and I always paid and never allowed her to pay up for anything.

- I gave her a lot of attention.

- I always placed her on top priority.

- I always was ready for her when she needed me.

- If she had mood swings I always tried to calm her down.

- I took her once to a comedy show with me.

I wanted to give her a nice bracelet for her bday but she didn't invite me while she told me that her exBF forgot about her bday and he gave her something she didn't like. For me this was the end, this made me go out and look for an another partner. She's the one who lost a good partner, she told me once that every guy she dated wasn't nice for her like I was I assume she's the loser now.

I thank God for this experience just because of this experience I have met a girl who's even better compared to this piece of _____ exBPD of mine. At least she's someone who can take care of herself and isn't a complete loser like my exBPD. Sorry for sounding harsh but whenever I read these kind of experience's I get a little bit upset.

Nope, you are not harsh. After telling me that story, I know you treated her right. And you gave it your best shot. But just like Prettywoman told me in another thread... .being angry was not wrong.  I'm angry too and don't feel guilty for the anger. Because of that, I know it will go away. But it's going in stages, because stuff is coming to mind. Things like all I did, things I thought I was doing right and for the right reasons, and they turned to crap that never got recognized as things I did for US.  There was no US, there was her and me.  That sucks.  Thank you Username69 for your insight and fresh approach.  Guys like you and me may not have the perfect clinical answers and  solutions, but we share something that is common ground.  How could it be wrong if almost everyone feels this way.  How we deal with it is that "other story".

[AwakenedOne]

"What were those things that you did that they just took for granted or didn't appreciate?"

When I was questioned regarding injuries that were inflicted on me by my wife I didn't tell the authorities that she caused them even though she was in advance of that questioning supposedly prepared to be arrested. Never got even a thanks from her. Weeks later she rubbed it in that she payed for the medical bills related to that kind of like she was Santa Claus to me. What a warped brain she has.

[grayarea]

Geez I can't even remember the details of all the financial support I provided my ex, but he never seemed to appreciate it and never paid me back for anything.  I'd say in total I probably spent well over $20K.  In the last couple years though I really put my foot down in regards to money so I probably spent the $20K in the course of 6 years.  Talk about a bad investment. 

[Turkish]

I have similar stories, and money I could add up, including the SUV she let me buy her near the end of our r/s when she was already cheating.

What's the take-away here? Were our relationships reciprocal? Was our care taking a form of a hidden contract? That is to say, "I did all of this for you, yet you still treated me like garbage? If I do more, you're supposed to be nice." If so, why did we keep doing it?

[DyingLove]

Reading all your comments along with knowing what happened to me, it almost feels like she might have though:  Oh well, I'll let him stay, he's doing convenient sh** for me and I don't have the time nor energy to do it.  Oh, wait, I didn't like the way he said that, just who the heck does he think he is!  Oh, I've had enough, when is he gonna get the hell out of here, all I do is support him and he just stays home and jerks off all day!  (yep, she said that on more than one occasion).

Come to think of it, I'd rather be angry instead of being sad.  Seems that I have more "drive" in my life if I'm not feeling sad about her.  If I'm goal oriented, I'm at least moving forward and not in REVERSE going back in our life that doesn't exist anymore.

She's forgotten a lot I'm sure, but do you think she'll remember with her next victim?

[Mr Hollande]

I threw many soft balls at my ex but the best one was probably convincing a solicitor friend to help get her debts wiped. She has crippling debts and as a favour to me he was doing it pro bono. After he witnessed one of her episodes with me he washed his hands of her completely.

What a golden opportunity to a better life that was for her. Imagine wasting something like that. Mind boggling.

[DyingLove]

I threw many soft balls at my ex but the best one was probably convincing a solicitor friend to help get her debts wiped. She has crippling debts and as a favour to me he was doing it pro bono. After he witnessed one of her episodes with me he washed his hands of her completely.

What a golden opportunity to a better life that was for her. Imagine wasting something like that. Mind boggling.

Yep!  Tripping over dollars to get to pennies!  LOL  I hate to be a labeler, but you just gotta admit when they were nothin' but stupid too!   Could it be justified stupid?  Could they be lucky enough to get away with not even taking the blame for stupid! 

[Mutt]

Hey DyingLove,

What have you learned from this experience with your ex partner and finances?

• Paid her electric bill (was turned off) before we even physically met.



• Paid her rent once or twice at first place (that she lost)



• She lost her dwelling but I got the landlord to give three months without rent in the end.



• Totally moved her and I out of first place and into 2nd place.



• Paid one year rent in advance in second place (nearly 10K)



• Got her a phone on my plan in the beginning, paid majority of bill, she only had to pay about 20.



• Bought her the first pair of decent sneakers she's ever had



• Always gave her money and gift cards before moving with her.



• Bought her family a new tv for first christmas (in advance)



• Bought her daughter a camera and new netbook computer. (daughter turned into a real snot)



• Cleaned up the pigstye house of hers.  At least the Kitchen, LR and Bedroom and bathroom.

What would you change about yourself moving forward?

I spent a lot of money in our r/s too. I washed my hands with trying to negotiate with my ex because I'd rather save myself from the emotional distress ( she took spent all of our finances and credit to exit the relationship ) My ex had walked away in her honeymoon phase and didn't want to settle the shared finances. I was left holding the bag and decided to focus on shared custody with a lawyer rather than the divorce.

I filed for bankruptcy protection and that initially stung and I also recognized that I didn't have financial boundaries. Live and learn  

[cosmonaut]

Is the unstated assumption here that we are "owed" for what we gave in the relationship?  If so, that's our issue.  We can't give freely and then hold it against our partner.  That's not a healthy relationship.  When we give of ourselves in a healthy relationship - our time, our money, our love - we do so without expectations.  It is not buying something.  It's ok to have boundaries and it's ok to say no.  It's ok to want mutualism and a healthy give and take in our relationships.  It's ok to want to be seen.  It's a setup, however, to give freely to our partner and then hold it against them.  Perhaps something to work on in our future relationships.   

[DyingLove]

I'm outI'm out so I have to keep this brief. It's not about holding it against them it's about the fact that they never egknowledge or realized what good things we do for them I would have done the same thing many times over for her with no expectations whatsoever but the relationship was over it was nothing that to be done at that point but I gave until I had nothing else to give and I don't hold it against her and during the break up I left many things there wish I could have taken everything but I didn't because my feelings for her and my own obligation human being in a 2 way relationship sorry affair a mistakes I'm trying to dictate

[Mr.Downtrodden]

Is the unstated assumption here that we are "owed" for what we gave in the relationship?  If so, that's our issue.  We can't give freely and then hold it against our partner.  That's not a healthy relationship.  When we give of ourselves in a healthy relationship - our time, our money, our love - we do so without expectations.  It is not buying something.  It's ok to have boundaries and it's ok to say no.  It's ok to want mutualism and a healthy give and take in our relationships.  It's ok to want to be seen.  It's a setup, however, to give freely to our partner and then hold it against them.  Perhaps something to work on in our future relationships.   

Unfortunately this concept is a rare experience.

I was always selfless, and never ran a tab of things I did with my ex.  Being selfless, however, is not a good idea for me anymore.  If I make an investment in someone, I expect a return. From now on.

[Mutt]

Unfortunately this concept is a rare experience.

I was always selfless, and never ran a tab of things I did with my ex.  Being selfless, however, is not a good idea for me anymore.  If I make an investment in someone, I expect a return. From now on.

Hey Mr.Downtrodden,

Are you comparing others with your ex partners and setting the expectations that you'll be mistreated?

It's not about holding it against them it's about the fact that they never egknowledge or realized what good things we do for them I would have done the same thing many times over for her with no expectations whatsoever

Hey DyingLove,

Do you feel like you were over-trusting?

[DyingLove]

Unfortunately this concept is a rare experience.

I was always selfless, and never ran a tab of things I did with my ex.  Being selfless, however, is not a good idea for me anymore.  If I make an investment in someone, I expect a return. From now on.

Hey Mr.Downtrodden,

Are you comparing others with your ex partners and setting the expectations that you'll be mistreated?

It's not about holding it against them it's about the fact that they never egknowledge or realized what good things we do for them I would have done the same thing many times over for her with no expectations whatsoever

Hey DyingLove,

Do you feel like you were over-trusting?

Mutt, while I felt that we WERE supposed to be together forever as she at least vowed, I feel I was cheated. Bait and switch kinda feeling.  Promised me forever and gave me 4 years. That wasn't the agreement. It wasn't the deal. So was I over trusting?  Maybe, but depending how you view it.  Like I said, I would have given her anything and everything with the expectation, AT LEAST, that the entire RS was not a lie.  So it's hard to get over this like it is all the other seemingly lies.

[Mutt]

I get it. Can you see how "forever" is a black and white statement and how she sees things in black and white? A pwBPD have a psychological / emotional arrested development and often over exaggerate like a young child would?

[DyingLove]

I get it. Can you see how "forever" is a black and white statement and how she sees things in black and white? A pwBPD have a psychological / emotional arrested development and often over exaggerate like a young child would?

Mutt, I'm not being a smart-butt, but I just don't get it, at least not what we are talking about.  Maybe I'm tired or something, but it's just not registering.  Can you elaborate please.  Thank you.

[cosmonaut]

Unfortunately this concept is a rare experience.

I was always selfless, and never ran a tab of things I did with my ex.  Being selfless, however, is not a good idea for me anymore.  If I make an investment in someone, I expect a return. From now on.

That's not the relationship dynamic that I would recommend to make, but it's your choice.  Do you find it healthy to make a relationship a transaction?  The real trouble is when we hold our own actions against our partner.  If you want a quid pro quo relationship, that's your choice.  It's still not at all fair to hold your own "spending" against them.  If you feel you aren't getting your money's worth, then perhaps it's time to spend your money elsewhere?

[Mutt]

I get it. Can you see how "forever" is a black and white statement and how she sees things in black and white? A pwBPD have a psychological / emotional arrested development and often over exaggerate like a young child would?

Mutt, I'm not being a smart-butt, but I just don't get it, at least not what we are talking about.  Maybe I'm tired or something, but it's just not registering.  Can you elaborate please.  Thank you.

Hey DyingLove,

I understand. I get the sense that you're a little stuck? What our partners experienced in the relationship is something different than what we experienced. A lot of the behaviors are driven by the disorder and when she says that she'll love you forever were you being idealized at the time?

You sound like a nice guy that would give your shirt off of your back. Do you think maybe she knew she could take you for granted? If so, who's responsible for protecting their core values?

[DyingLove]

I get it. Can you see how "forever" is a black and white statement and how she sees things in black and white? A pwBPD have a psychological / emotional arrested development and often over exaggerate like a young child would?

Mutt, I'm not being a smart-butt, but I just don't get it, at least not what we are talking about.  Maybe I'm tired or something, but it's just not registering.  Can you elaborate please.  Thank you.

Hey DyingLove,

I understand. I get the sense that you're a little stuck? What our partners experienced in the relationship is something different than what we experienced. A lot of the behaviors are driven by the disorder and when she says that she'll love you forever were you being idealized at the time?

You sound like a nice guy that would give your shirt off of your back. Do you think maybe she knew she could take you for granted? If so, who's responsible for protecting their core values?

If the answer could be yes, I didn't see that she would be capable of using me.  Being in love, how could you even think that, right?  Now love has a handbook and one requirement is to watch your back. Maybe even wear a bulletproof vest, in case of a back stabbing attack!  I wasn't ready for that, I don't know if anyone is ready for that.  But if I was walking down the street and found a bag of hundred dollar bills, I might just pick it up and take it home. No one is the wiser.  WOuld anyone expect it of me?  Who knows,,,that nice guy DL would NEVER do something like that.  So, what was I to expect?  Blind? Naive? Ignorant?  Maybe Maybe Not.  Just a victim I say.  And thank you Mutt.  :-)

[AwakenedOne]

If we were broke, we'd sit on the curb together, that was her statement.

Hi DL,

The romantic promises are ultimately fluff I think. As time goes by and I replay her words and look back in my mind at the past scenes of the four year marriage I observe that she said much of that type of stuff like a robot. She said if we ever became poor she would be happy living with me in the woods. Later though she demanded that I try to become a CEO of a large corporation or I wasn't really a man because that's what all men do.

When you see them as totally disordered it is easier to understand it all and less painful. A member here has helped me with this lately.

[Mr.Downtrodden]

Unfortunately this concept is a rare experience.

I was always selfless, and never ran a tab of things I did with my ex.  Being selfless, however, is not a good idea for me anymore.  If I make an investment in someone, I expect a return. From now on.

Hey Mr.Downtrodden,

Are you comparing others with your ex partners and setting the expectations that you'll be mistreated?

No, I'm just pointing out that I've learned a lot in the past 10 months I've been here... .I will not let myself be taken advantage of ever again. I may come across as bitter about my failed relationships, and I do have a right to be, since the last few were abandonments by the ladies... .but I'm not going to bring that bitterness forward. I will be open at the start, but highly guarded.  It is only recently that I've even begun to approach a potential single woman, which I have done, and things seem to be moving slowly on a friendly level. so far, so good.

My investment comment means that if I make an investment emotionally with a partner I expect a return on the same level.  a partner who doesn't give back is not worth my time and effort.  i gave so much of myself in the past two-three relationships, each one i gave more, and got less in return. I won't allow "time" anymore either,first sign of my gut feeling that something is awry, I am d-o-n-e.  I'm too old for these false love games of the BPD / mentally ill.

[Mr.Downtrodden]

Unfortunately this concept is a rare experience.

I was always selfless, and never ran a tab of things I did with my ex.  Being selfless, however, is not a good idea for me anymore.  If I make an investment in someone, I expect a return. From now on.

Hey Mr.Downtrodden,

Are you comparing others with your ex partners and setting the expectations that you'll be mistreated?

No, I'm just pointing out that I've learned a lot in the past 10 months I've been here... .I will not let myself be taken advantage of ever again. I may come across as bitter about my failed relationships, and I do have a right to be, since the last few were abandonments by the ladies... .but I'm not going to bring that bitterness forward. I will be open at the start, but highly guarded.  It is only recently that I've even begun to approach a potential single woman, which I have done, and things seem to be moving slowly on a friendly level. so far, so good.

My investment comment means that if I make an investment emotionally with a partner I expect a return on the same level.  a partner who doesn't give back is not worth my time and effort.  i gave so much of myself in the past two-three relationships, each one i gave more, and got less in return. I won't allow "time" anymore either,first sign of my gut feeling that something is awry, I am d-o-n-e.  I'm too old for these false love games of the BPD / mentally ill.

[enlighten me]

Apart from all the emotional stuff financially I bought her a car. Paid her mortgage for seven months until her place sold. Paid the mortgage arrears. Bought a place big enough for her and her kids to live in. Paid for most of her kids birthday and christmas presents. Paid for holidays. Paid for her kids extra curricular activities not to mention household bills, food, car insurance etc etc.

[DyingLove]

Mr.Downtrodd, I agree about the investment.  Technically it sounds horrible and very business like, but damn, that is what it is!  We can easily go buy a blowup doll if we just want a female or male figurine to sit by us silently while we do the life thingie on our own,,,or better yet, we can buy a pet!  At least with a pet, some love you unconditionally but others just need the care, like snakes and lizards. Sex?  There are toys for that too, if we need.

So we've come to the conclusion here that an actual person is a good thing!  (my conclusion). We hate to mistrust or watch for red flags and you really can't even trust not even a parent or sibling to not have or suffer from some personality disorder.  It's like the house of mirrors in the twighlight zone!  Submitted for your approval... .(, great series)

I've noticed something lately-  I've been trying to just "be myself" and that involves less hand holding and caring about others (I'n not saying to discard others), and people either like me the same or better!  You really don't have to give until there is nothing left. People take care of themselves. AND, this is gonna be my new signature or tagline from Maya Angelou- When people show you who they are, believe them!  Can dispute that.

Mutt, I am a nice guy.  I'd even give you my shirt if you needed it, but once a person proves themselves to be a sh*t, the rules change.  The entire scenario with a loved one "looks" different though.  My ex didn't come out and say that in four years she was gonna be putting a hurtin' on me.  She smiled, did the sex nasty, made me feel good about myself here and there, and every now and then she threw some curve ball out there.  Made me think, but then say, Nah, it's nothin'.

I sometimes kick myself NOW for leaving the stuff I did behind. If anyone recalls I left the mattress the washer and some of my workout stuff.  She had the balls to insist I leave my led drop light that I just had bought too, so that she could fill her coolant in the dark morning. BS!  During the breakup procedure is when she showed her true self.  It's still sad to me, incredibly sad.  But a person capable of what she did; it's kinda like giving a daycare job to a child molester and think your kids are 100% ok. (they might be, it was just a silly example).  Getting back to the point, I left that stuff to please my heart.  It was material, could be replaced. Okay, so, she's got a job and a kid, and I looked with love on them and I feel better for it, but the logic in me says: Fk'em. Sorry, it's looking out for myself, and we ARE supposed to do that aren't we? She's got her entire dysfunctional family to cheer her on, they could have chipped in and bought her all the crap she needed. LOL  People scat like bugs when you need help or money!  Karma is a birtch!

[DyingLove]

Apart from all the emotional stuff financially I bought her a car. Paid her mortgage for seven months until her place sold. Paid the mortgage arrears. Bought a place big enough for her and her kids to live in. Paid for most of her kids birthday and christmas presents. Paid for holidays. Paid for her kids extra curricular activities not to mention household bills, food, car insurance etc etc.

I almost got to the car replacement category. Glad I didn't.  The minute I met her I felt the "heaviness" of the situation. I accepted it, because.  Now I'm glad it's all back on her.  Her life sucks.  I did the same with her kids, and a lot of things, I gotta say in all fairness that she did pay for a lot of stuff, but she had no regard for money whatsoever. So it was like a robot going to work and an 3 year old  spending money.

[WhereToBegin]

I can relate 1000%.  I supported by exBPDbf through graduate school, and he left a week before graduating.  He didn't even invite me, I am sure because he didn't want my replacement to see me around his family.   I went anyway and sat by myself.  I went for me - I had spent the last years just as invested and involved in that degree.  Our lives revolved around getting him through school - 1000%.  He now claims that he has to "be his own man" because the last 5 years have been "about me."  He is delusional.  His world has been, and will always be, about him.  He doesn't even see it.  I am angry and feel used.  I saw a quote yesterday that has stuck with me:  "The worst regret we can have in life is not for the wrong things we did, but for the thousands of right things we did for the wrong person." 

In the end, I just hope this doesn't burn my spirit.  I have such a loving and giving heart.  I don't want to lose that.  Just need to find the right person.