Diagnosis + Treatment
The Big Picture
Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde? [ Video ]
Five Dimensions of Human Personality
Think It's BPD but How Can I Know?
DSM Criteria for Personality Disorders
Treatment of BPD [ Video ]
Getting a Loved One Into Therapy
Top 50 Questions Members Ask
Home page
Forum
List of discussion groups
Making a first post
Find last post
Discussion group guidelines
Tips
Romantic relationship in or near breakup
Child (adult or adolescent) with BPD
Sibling or Parent with BPD
Boyfriend/Girlfriend with BPD
Partner or Spouse with BPD
Surviving a Failed Romantic Relationship
Tools
Wisemind
Ending conflict (3 minute lesson)
Listen with Empathy
Don't Be Invalidating
Setting boundaries
On-line CBT
Book reviews
Member workshops
About
Mission and Purpose
Website Policies
Membership Eligibility
Please Donate
May 29, 2024, 05:53:59 AM
Welcome,
Guest
. Please
login
or
register
.
1 Hour
5 Hours
1 Day
1 Week
Forever
Login with username, password and session length
Board Admins:
Kells76
,
Once Removed
,
Turkish
Senior Ambassadors:
Cat Familiar
,
EyesUp
,
SinisterComplex
Help!
Boards
Please Donate
Login to Post
New?--Click here to register
Depression = 72% of members
Take the test, read about the implications, and check out the remedies.
111
BPDFamily.com
>
Relationship Partner with BPD (Straight and LGBT+)
>
Romantic Relationship | Bettering a Relationship or Reversing a Breakup
> Topic:
Realising how much I've settled for over time with my BPDbf
Pages: [
1
]
Go Down
« previous
next »
Print
Author
Topic: Realising how much I've settled for over time with my BPDbf (Read 389 times)
misuniadziubek
Offline
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Romantic partner
Relationship status: Semi-long distance relationship living apart.
Posts: 383
Realising how much I've settled for over time with my BPDbf
«
on:
June 19, 2015, 06:33:04 PM »
Let's start with the fact that I'm a serious codependent in recovery. A genuine people pleaser. I grew up with this mentality because my NPDmom had really high expectations for me and modeled me after herself. Anything out of the ordinary that she didn't approve with intense criticisn.
I once got my hair cut to a short bob after years of very long hair. Her reaction... .? "We're you trying to hurt me? Cause it worked."
And so entering into a relationship with my BPDbf, I noticed he had really controlling behaviors, abusive at times. He wanted me to dress more colorful, wear jeans, not dye my hair, not wear too much makeup or jewelry. And I followed cue. It honestly makes no sense either. He would regularly dye his rich brown hair, got pink highlights at some point, wears whatever he wants and so on.
I've had whatever amount of break away from him and went shopping today and realised that whenever I look at something I judge it based on whether or not he'd like it. When it's like, I'm my own person and I have my own taste and I absolutely love wearing jewelry and getting highlights in my hair. Why am I trying to always impress him.
The person he 'dated' recently had ridiculously damaged bleached hair with faded purple streaks, face piercings and tattoos. And they were only 2 years younger than me. There's nothing wrong with this person but it's like. What hypocrisy! They are everything you told me you didn't like.
I have to start living my own life and just being me again. Not my mom's daughter. Not my bf's girlfriend. Just me. It nearly hurts to write this. When he met me I was the closest to being me I'd ever been.
Logged
RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING
This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members are welcomed to express frustration but must seek constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.
Daniell85
Offline
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Romantic partner
Posts: 737
Re: Realising how much I've settled for over time with my BPDbf
«
Reply #1 on:
June 19, 2015, 09:31:15 PM »
go back to being exactly you
Logged
whitebackatcha
Offline
Gender:
What is your sexual orientation: Gay, lesb
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
Posts: 221
Re: Realising how much I've settled for over time with my BPDbf
«
Reply #2 on:
June 21, 2015, 01:31:10 AM »
It's so hard, but I know you'll be glad you took this path. I realized I had issues like these when I was looking at the Redbox, and I literally didn't know what kind of movies I might want to watch if I wasn't choosing to view it with someone else.
Logged
Ceruleanblue
Offline
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Romantic partner
Posts: 1343
Re: Realising how much I've settled for over time with my BPDbf
«
Reply #3 on:
June 24, 2015, 10:29:07 AM »
I hope writing that out helped. Sometimes just writing something down, is therapeutic to me. I've done a lot of what I call "compromising" too, but I've realized in the past that I compromised so much that I barely ever made decisions solely on what "I" like. I'm doing better at that now, and I think once you have awareness of it, it's much easier to call a halt to it. It's a balance, like anything else. All relationships all for compromise(problem with BPD is it is rarely mutual), but we can't compromise to the point where we never make choices for our own happiness, or what suits our own taste.
If I were you, I'd go out and get highlights in my hair, and bedeck myself in a bunch of fun jewelry I'm sitting here with both, and even my controlling BPDh, would never cross me on my jewelry!
Logged
Cat Familiar
Senior Ambassador
Offline
Gender:
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Romantic partner
Posts: 7488
Re: Realising how much I've settled for over time with my BPDbf
«
Reply #4 on:
June 24, 2015, 02:09:13 PM »
I've done the same thing regarding food. There are so many vegetables that my husband doesn't like that
I love.
I'm tired of tailoring my cooking to his weird food dislikes. Lately I've just cooked what I want to and if he's unhappy with that, then he needs to take care of his own needs. He seldom cooks and when he does, I praise him excessively, but he complains how much work it is. Does he think it somehow is easier and takes less time when
I
cook? The narcissistic component of BPD is so tiresome.
Logged
“The Four Agreements 1. Be impeccable with your word. 2. Don’t take anything personally. 3. Don’t make assumptions. 4. Always do your best. ” ― Miguel Ruiz, The Four Agreements: A Practical Guide to Personal Freedom
MaroonLiquid
Offline
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Romantic partner
Posts: 1294
Re: Realising how much I've settled for over time with my BPDbf
«
Reply #5 on:
June 26, 2015, 07:40:50 AM »
Quote from: Cat Familiar on June 24, 2015, 02:09:13 PM
The narcissistic component of BPD is so tiresome.
Quote of the year!
Logged
Can You Help Us Stay on the Air in 2024?
Pages: [
1
]
Go Up
Print
BPDFamily.com
>
Relationship Partner with BPD (Straight and LGBT+)
>
Romantic Relationship | Bettering a Relationship or Reversing a Breakup
> Topic:
Realising how much I've settled for over time with my BPDbf
« previous
next »
Jump to:
Please select a destination:
-----------------------------
Help Desk
-----------------------------
===> Open board
-----------------------------
Relationship Partner with BPD (Straight and LGBT+)
-----------------------------
=> Romantic Relationship | Bettering a Relationship or Reversing a Breakup
=> Romantic Relationship | Conflicted About Continuing, Divorcing/Custody, Co-parenting
=> Romantic Relationship | Detaching and Learning after a Failed Relationship
-----------------------------
Children, Parents, or Relatives with BPD
-----------------------------
=> Son, Daughter or Son/Daughter In-law with BPD
=> Parent, Sibling, or In-law Suffering from BPD
-----------------------------
Community Built Knowledge Base
-----------------------------
=> Library: Psychology questions and answers
=> Library: Tools and skills workshops
=> Library: Book Club, previews and discussions
=> Library: Video, audio, and pdfs
=> Library: Content to critique for possible feature articles
=> Library: BPDFamily research surveys
Our 2023 Financial Sponsors
We are all appreciative of the members who provide the funding to keep BPDFamily on the air.
12years
alterK
AskingWhy
At Bay
Cat Familiar
CoherentMoose
drained1996
EZEarache
Flora and Fauna
ForeverDad
Gemsforeyes
Goldcrest
Harri
healthfreedom4s
hope2727
khibomsis
Lemon Squeezy
Memorial Donation (4)
Methos
Methuen
Mommydoc
Mutt
P.F.Change
Penumbra66
Red22
Rev
SamwizeGamgee
Skip
Swimmy55
Tartan Pants
Turkish
whirlpoollife
Loading...