Met my ex again

[Family Court Strategies: When Your Partner Has BPD OR NPD Traits.]

I met my ex egain, like others times she did not even look at me. The last couple times I did like she did- like we don't know each other. So she was waiting for someone who was clearly being late, so while I was passing by her I smiled and said with sense of humour - "Would you want some company not to wait alone, look at me I am here, OK- I am leaving, you can still stop me if you wish, because otherwise you will lose me forever"

Of course we lost each other forever when we broke up and I understood she has BPD, of course I am trigger and I should not try to talk to her, because she just can't look at me, or even talk to me due to her disorder.

But I felt like I need to say this and to show her that I am smiling, confident and cocky.

What I wan to say to you is that sometimes it is better to do what is best fo us, not for them - because there is no much difference if you are going to talk to them, or not talk to them- you are still black and whatever you do - you will be either pathethic or arrogant.

[lm911]

I met my ex egain, like others times she did not even look at me. The last couple times I did like she did- like we don't know each other. So she was waiting for someone who was clearly being late, so while I was passing by her I smiled and said with sense of humour - "Would you want some company not to wait alone, look at me I am here, OK- I am leaving, you can still stop me if you wish, because otherwise you will lose me forever"

Of course we lost each other forever when we broke up and I understood she has BPD, of course I am trigger and I should not try to talk to her, because she just can't look at me, or even talk to me due to her disorder.

But I felt like I need to say this and to show her that I am smiling, confident and cocky.

What I wan to say to you is that sometimes it is better to do what is best fo us, not for them - because there is no much difference if you are going to talk to them, or not talk to them- you are still black and whatever you do - you will be either pathethic or arrogant.

[zipline]

But I felt like I need to say this and to show her that I am smiling, confident and cocky.

and

. . . because there is no much difference if you are going to talk to them, or not talk to them- you are still black and whatever you do . . . 

You want to show her something and then, as I read it, say that what you showed her she'll never be able to see. The exchange comes off as aggressive to me. Why did you feel that you needed to say what you did? Might there better ways to show you're better off?

[UserName69]

I met my ex egain, like others times she did not even look at me. The last couple times I did like she did- like we don't know each other. So she was waiting for someone who was clearly being late, so while I was passing by her I smiled and said with sense of humour - "Would you want some company not to wait alone, look at me I am here, OK- I am leaving, you can still stop me if you wish, because otherwise you will lose me forever"

Of course we lost each other forever when we broke up and I understood she has BPD, of course I am trigger and I should not try to talk to her, because she just can't look at me, or even talk to me due to her disorder.

But I felt like I need to say this and to show her that I am smiling, confident and cocky.

What I wan to say to you is that sometimes it is better to do what is best fo us, not for them - because there is no much difference if you are going to talk to them, or not talk to them- you are still black and whatever you do - you will be either pathethic or arrogant.

Lol you did a great thing. I saw my exBPD while back and I couldn't believe it was her. She looked very bad, had dyed her hair poorly she looked like a lunatic.

I think you trolled your exBPD but you have the right to do it, they deserve it. Even if she's pretending like she doesn't know you it did hurt her a lot when you said those things to her. They seem like great actors but once you know them better you see how bad they act, they can't keep up with the illusion they're believing in.

[lm911]

But I felt like I need to say this and to show her that I am smiling, confident and cocky.

and

. . . because there is no much difference if you are going to talk to them, or not talk to them- you are still black and whatever you do . . . 

You want to show her something and then, as I read it, say that what you showed her she'll never be able to see. The exchange comes off as aggressive to me. Why did you feel that you needed to say what you did? Might there better ways to show you're better off?

I did it for me, because like I said I will be either view as agresive or pathethic.

Why I did it? Some kind of defense mechanism- like their is to split and run away - mine is to use humor with the risk to be seen as agresive. Because that is me- when I meet her and don't say something - this is not me, after that  I don't feel OK with myself.

[lm911]

I met my ex egain, like others times she did not even look at me. The last couple times I did like she did- like we don't know each other. So she was waiting for someone who was clearly being late, so while I was passing by her I smiled and said with sense of humour - "Would you want some company not to wait alone, look at me I am here, OK- I am leaving, you can still stop me if you wish, because otherwise you will lose me forever"

Of course we lost each other forever when we broke up and I understood she has BPD, of course I am trigger and I should not try to talk to her, because she just can't look at me, or even talk to me due to her disorder.

But I felt like I need to say this and to show her that I am smiling, confident and cocky.

What I wan to say to you is that sometimes it is better to do what is best fo us, not for them - because there is no much difference if you are going to talk to them, or not talk to them- you are still black and whatever you do - you will be either pathethic or arrogant.

Lol you did a great thing. I saw my exBPD while back and I couldn't believe it was her. She looked very bad, had dyed her hair poorly she looked like a lunatic.

I think you trolled your exBPD but you have the right to do it, they deserve it. Even if she's pretending like she doesn't know you it did hurt her a lot when you said those things to her. They seem like great actors but once you know them better you see how bad they act, they can't keep up with the illusion they're believing in.

Yes it might have hurt her. Again when I don't say hello to her- it hurts her again - you are viewed as person who does not care, who has never cared about her. There no win situation. That is how I think about it.

I gave her space, I did not to talk to her when I see and I did it because I love her. But there comes a time when you are starting to lose yourself in the proccess of placing her needs before yours.

[fromheeltoheal]

And smiling, confident and cocky is you taking your power back, good for you, and as you say, probably a little defense mechanism to mask the hurt.

The underlying emotion for her, since she can't look at you, is probably shame.  With time, once we get through the anger, we might find some compassion for our exes and an ability to let go with love.  In the meantime, enjoy that victory!

[lm911]

And smiling, confident and cocky is you taking your power back, good for you, and as you say, probably a little defense mechanism to mask the hurt.

The underlying emotion for her, since she can't look at you, is probably shame.  With time, once we get through the anger, we might find some compassion for our exes and an ability to let go with with.  In the meantime, enjoy that victory!

Thank you, but I can't view it is a victory. I view it as is being myself, because this is my type of sense of humour I use with my friends and etc. It is strange, but it is what it is. I mean I did not do it because I am angry to her. I am not angry. I feel sorry for her and my aim is to be neutral towards her. Sometimes I feel guilty for not being good enough, or being gulty for "hurting her" like she says. And I am letting go all these feelings step by a step and entering the aceptance phase.

[fromheeltoheal]

And smiling, confident and cocky is you taking your power back, good for you, and as you say, probably a little defense mechanism to mask the hurt.

The underlying emotion for her, since she can't look at you, is probably shame.  With time, once we get through the anger, we might find some compassion for our exes and an ability to let go with with.  In the meantime, enjoy that victory!

Thank you, but I can't view it is a victory. I view it as is being myself, because this is my type of sense of humour I use with my friends and etc. It is strange, but it is what it is. I mean I did not do it because I am angry to her. I am not angry. I feel sorry for her and my aim is to be neutral towards her. Sometimes I feel guilty for not being good enough, or being gulty for "hurting her" like she says. And I am letting go all these feelings step by a step and entering the aceptance phase.

Good for you lm, I misinterpreted what you said; it sounds like you're on a good path.  Take care of you!

[lm911]

Thank you, we are all together in this. My main point is to all who are feeling guilty for some reason after the break up- although we loved or still love our exes we should place our feelings, needs before theirs. It is hard, it is a bit selfish, but we have do what is best for us to heal, because no matter how hard we have tried they will not understand that we have done it of love.

[fromheeltoheal]

Yes, and selfishness gets a bad rap, but really, if we don't take care of ourselves first, fill ourselves up first, we have nothing to give.  And being with someone who is all take because they're in pain is depleting.