18 days post b/u - his birthday today

[Yolanda123]

Although I've been thinking of sending him a happy birthday text a few times today, I won't. I know I must stay NC.

But I feel like a heartless cold person... .which I'm not

I just had to write it down

[Yolanda123]

He's probably celebrating in a bar somewhere looking for replacement

Sorry just ranting here 

[Aussie0zborn]

A very natural feeling but under the circumstances you must remain strong. Any slip-up could get you back into the quagmire of BPD and that would be more unpleasant than feeling like a cold person.

I recently read that people with integrity are easy to manipulate because they always do the right thing. I would suggest that protecting yourself is more important than anything else right now and that maintaining NC is the right thing to do.

Good luck.

[Yolanda123]

Thank you Aussie. I have no desire of getting back into the quagmire.

It just feels unnatural to ignore the birthday... .but we're not dealing with natural here

[NonBPDEx]

On my birthday last month, at 12:07 AM, I got a 'Happy Birthday' from my exBPDgf.

I answered, hoping to engage her, but she did not answer back.

Because of that I half expected to get a Happy Father's day message today, but did not.

If I  had not gotten the happy birthday message, I would not have been hoping to get a message today. It just sets up expectations.

[Yolanda123]

I understand the expectations... .not good... .

How long after the b/u did you get the text if you don't mind me asking?

Thanks for sharing

[NonBPDEx]

I broke up with her at the beginning of April. My head said it was the right thing to do, but my heart immediately regretted it, and still does.

She went completely N/C after that, no matter what I wrote to her. My birthday was about a month later. By then she was already with her new guy that she had been grooming.

She wrote, I know, because I was with her on my last birthday, and I had told her at the time, quite explicitly, that it was one of the best birthday's of my life, and that I would never forget it.

[Yolanda123]

It's hard to detach... .they are very good at attaching us... .

My head said it was the right thing to do, but my heart immediately regretted it, and still does.

I understand what you mean... .I felt the same when I broke up... .my head told me that was enough I could not do this anymore, but I did not even believe myself in that moment. Did not take me long though before I knew it was the best and only decision possible. But it still hurts. So I get where you are. But it seems like you would be open to getting back with her?

[NonBPDEx]

I did not even believe that I did it at the moment either. It just seemed to come out of me.

She is with her new guy now. No doubt doing the whole honeymoon thing. I would only expect to hear from her if/when things were/are going south with him, not because she realized I am the one she really loves.

I write that because my head knows it to be true. But honestly, I am so distraught and weak at the moment that if she did contact me, I don't think I would be able to say no.

I will not break N/C though... .

[confounded]

My pwBPD friend's birthday is also soon coming up, and I've been tempted to send her happy birthday wishes, just to show that I don't carry a grudge due to the way our relationship ended (and I don't, not anymore). But I fear she might take it as an attempt to twist her mind and get under her skin, so I think I won't. Though it was her that went NC, not me. Besides, I've got a feeling she might have changed her number, she's broken quite a few friendships lately ... .

[sixthsense]

He's probably celebrating in a bar somewhere looking for replacement

Sorry just ranting here 

Ironically, 18 days ago was your new birthday... .the day you emancipated yourself away from what can only be described as emotional hell!

You're doing great! Stay strong... .

We're here for you!

[Yolanda123]

Thank you sixthsense for your encouragement - You are right, I'll consider June 3 as my emancipation birthday 

The support I get here is so important and whenever I post/read I feel better - I know it would be much harder without it so thank you everyone