Healing after ending relationship with a b.p.d. boyfriend ~

[Before you can make things better, you have to stop making them worse...]

I finally ended a 15 month relationship with my boyfriend who turned my world upside down. The roller coaster of emotions has left me feeling depressed. I had to always be the one to fix everything and it was always my fault. I'm exhausted emotionally. When I finally told him I had had enough he said I abandoned him. He would say things to hurt me and act like he didn't have a clue why I was upset. He told me recently that he was upset his ex wife was engaged and that he was still mourning his marriage after 3 years. He asked me to wait for him to heal and said he might never be ready. I don't know why I allowed myself to be used by him and manipulated.

[cowgirl66]

I finally ended a 15 month relationship with my boyfriend who turned my world upside down. The roller coaster of emotions has left me feeling depressed. I had to always be the one to fix everything and it was always my fault. I'm exhausted emotionally. When I finally told him I had had enough he said I abandoned him. He would say things to hurt me and act like he didn't have a clue why I was upset. He told me recently that he was upset his ex wife was engaged and that he was still mourning his marriage after 3 years. He asked me to wait for him to heal and said he might never be ready. I don't know why I allowed myself to be used by him and manipulated.

[once removed]

hey cowgirl and welcome to bpdfamily! 

these relationships can be tough going and im glad you found us; many members can relate. fifteen months is a long time and its no surprise youre not feeling much like yourself. you can expect that a lot of very complicated thoughts and feelings will continue to come up as you try and create the space to heal.

we have a lot of great resources here to help you in the process you may want to check out:

https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=136462.0

hang in there, keep posting, and sharing your story. we are here to help.

[Chrisbazsky77]

This was my hubby of 4 years too... .to the T.

You are in the place... .when you read other posts, you will soon realise that his disorder was NEVER your fault.

I also wondered why l allowed myself to endure and put up with his behaviors (even though I was simultaneously finding him practical help too). It was just my way of expressing my unconditional love for him but in the process I was actually showing him that I didn't value myself that much and he played on that.

You did all you could to help someone who didn't have the mental capacity to appreciate that-cut you losses now and look ahead.

Easier said than done, I know-trust me I know! When you begin to feel weak and you want to 'try again' or 'make things work', come back here for some 'back-to-reality' shaking posts.