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maxsterling
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« on: June 25, 2015, 08:46:25 AM » |
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Session went like this:
Wife and I each started talking about what we have been doing for ourselves. Then we started talking about what we have been doing together. First 40 minutes, mostly calm (although I wonder if I had an infrared camera aimed at my wife I could see her temperature slowly rise). Then began the typical blame game from her end, digging up the same stuff again. Blame meaning being blamed for things I had no control over.
But interesting this time, MC shut her down when she tried to interrupt me, and did mention to my wife to try communicating her feelings without blaming. Perhaps my conversation with the MC on the side a few weeks ago about how this r/s is abusive and I am almost done finally sunk in.
Interesting that W also mentioned her P appointment yesterday, and how P suggested she work on therapy more than meds, and how he suggested that she and I learn about "fair fighting". HA. That was the first handout our MC gave us, and nearly everything on that list my wife violates during every argument.
There was some weirdness, too, when my wife went off about how if I ever so much as want to hug my wife, I need to ask her permission first. This came out of nowhere, especially considering two months ago her complaint was that I never try and touch her. She linked this to PTSD, but I don't think it's just that. I feel this is her attempt at painting me black - or as the aggressor.
I feel this is the most productive MC session we have had, from my end. I felt more validated by the counselor, and I think I did a better job expressing my feelings and standing up for myself. For example, when my W was going on her usual rant about how she has to ask me for everything, or as she says "initiate" or "spoon feed" me everything, I replied, "No you don't, why?" The counselor backed me up. The subject was about my wife complaining how she has to remind me of my appointments. The response back from both me and the counselor was that it is not her role to do so, and that it is only a problem because that she is making it her problem. In other words, it's my wife's job to manage her own schedule, and if she feels she is waiting around for me, that's her problem.
Interestingly, after the session, I got a glimpse of what is really going on. W opened up to me about her AA sponsor, and other friends who have lately backed away from her. The story is the same in every case, basically they are telling her something she doesn't want to hear, and she feels invalidated or betrayed, and then paints that person black.
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