Wife forgot my birthday today

[rob95]

This is the depressing part of BPD.  So much focus on themselves.  We were supposed to go to stay on downtown and go to Garth Brooks tomorrow.  I am thinking about taking someone else now.

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[MaroonLiquid]

I'm sorry.  It's not easy to think that you aren't important.  My wife told me we would celebrate mine a couple of months back and it never happened.  She might not have forgotten, but instead can't deal with the day not being about her.

[rob95]

I'm battling with I should mention it to the kids.  They aren't quite old enough to keep track themselves.  They will find out eventually from other family members.  I think that I should just let it play out and let the chip fall where they may.

[Daniell85]

For the first few years of my relationship, and before when we were friends, my boyfriend always remembered my birthday. Then after he cheated, he "forgets" it.

This last year, things were better, so I waited to see if he would remember. He said and did nothing. Then he saw the next day I was really sad, and connected the dots immediately. He said he realized he had said and done nothing for my birthday. He made a point to tell me he had NOT forgotten it. He had debated to himself about celebrating it with me, then sort of let it slide.

Then he smiled and said, " I am a cold hearted bast... ."

I just was incapable of even responding to that, so I walked away. Later he said he would do something to make up for it, but he never did.

I never said anything else about it.

My thought is that all of this is deliberately being with held. In my case, he did it on purpose because ( I think) he is resentful of my upset with him over his cheating and continued contact with the woman he did it with. He feels "blamed" and demanded to and so he refuses to do what a normal person usually does because I don't deserve the consideration ( in his mind).

It does hurt   I am sorry you are being the recipient of this.

[Verbena]

Yes, this hurts.  My husband has ignored several of my birthdays.  My 50th was the one that hurt the most.  My last one (54th) hurt also even though he bought me an ipad the week before and told me it was for my birthday and our anniversary, which are a couple of weeks apart.  On my actual birthday, he didn't even mention it.    When I told him how this upset me, he truly didn't understand why.  I got a sarcastic "well happy birthday then", a dirty look, and his typical walking away from me and slamming the door.  

I will admit that I have ignored our anniversary for a number of years.  It seems fake and ridiculous to say happy anniversary when our marriage is so dysfunctional and unhappy.  Ironically, he will usually tell me happy anniversary.  He just won't discuss with me any of the reasons our marriage is anything but happy.  

D85, you may be right that he is "forgetting" your birthday to punish you for making him feel bad for cheating on you.  That is typical BPD.  They can't be wrong or at fault, so their crap gets projected back on you. 

[rob95]

One thing about this is that it shouldn't hurt.  Really, I am adult male, and it is my 42nd birthday.  Honestly, I thought it was just another day for me.

It bothers me that it bothers me.

rd

[Daniell85]

It's your birthday. Happy birthday!   

[takingandsending]

rob95,

Happy Birthday. And do tell your children it's your birthday, and celebrate the day how you want to with them. Invite BPDw along, but don't stop taking care of yourself. You matter.