After 6 Weeks of N/C, She Called... What Does It Mean?

[bjm]

I walked away from my ex six weeks ago.  We had a pattern of break ups and makes ups for months, but never went more than 2 weeks without talking.  She would always resurface.  This last time I did not return a phone call of hers, and I never heard from her again. 

It has been six weeks, and I truly thought I would never hear from her again.  I just received a missed call fro her, but she did not leave a message?  What does this mean?  Any ideas on what she is trying to do?

[JRT]

well... .she wants to talk to you!

Some possibilities: she misses you... .you have something of hers... .she wants to get back together... .she wants to rage at you... .she's pregnant... .she needs someone to talk to... .these are a few likely possibilities... .

... .the question is, will you respond and what will that response (or not) mean to her?

[Lifewriter16]

I suspect something will have gone wrong somewhere else in her life causing her to have an emotion she can not handle. She could be heading back to you because the thrill of the chase will divert her from the pain she really ought to be dealing with.

Unfortunately, it is highly unlikely that anything else will have changed. Certainly her capacity to stay in a relationship will be exactly the same. Even if she feels she loves you right now, she will feel the exact opposite soon enough and you'll be into the next breakup. I'm sure you know this deep down inside, but, like me, just don't want to believe it because it hurts too badly.

Love Lifewriter

[bjm]

What do you think about her not leaving a message?

[UserName69]

What do you think about her not leaving a message?

Keep NC. Its like what Lifewriter16 wrote. Me and my exBPD broke up for 14 times within 6 months. Whenever I got back to her she was worse. If you go back to her it wont take long before she's going to dump you again, you will get hurt if you go back to her. Best thing to do is to block her entirely and focus on your recovery. It's the only way to move on.

[bjm]

I have been dying to talk to her... .But she has caused me so much pain that I do not know what to do.

I also don't know how to interpret her not leaving a message. 

I believe she is calling to tell me she misses me, but there is probably a deeper eating to her call based on my dealings with her... .

[UserName69]

That might be possible but she might use you, who knows if she has replacement? Mine exBPD used me against her exBF. Once when she cut herself over a BU she called her exBF later she called me crying. I think her exBF didn't fall for it and didn't maybe answer the phone. Maybe you can block her phone number so she can't call you in the future? I have blocked the number of my exBPD, if she calls me the phone will auto hang up as soon as she calls me.

Believe me on this one, if you talk to her she will hurt you more and you'll be in more pain. Even if she wants you back before you know it she's going to dump you. You know if you want to move on you need to get rid of everything that reminds you of her like e-mails, FB messages, presents just get rid of them. Block her phonenumber, e-mail, social media. Keep your self busy, start new hobbies, go out and meet new people. You're going to need a lot of distraction. Before you know it you're over her and you're going to focus on the new person you like. I can promise you this will work for 100%. There are tons of single girls who're way better than your exBPD.

The problem with pwBPD is you can't trust them. Mine did lie to me, cheated on me, manipulated me, tried to control me. Do you really want to stay with a person who's probably going to hurt you again? Don't give her that power, she wants to control you because you simply went NC. For her that's a major loss, like she lost a trophy. Don't be the loser in this one, if you keep NC you'll be the winner. Take this from a guy who has moved on and has now a great healthy relationship. Stay strong.

[Aussie0zborn]

Username 69 explained it well - take note.

Nothing good can come of it. My experience is that if you leave them once there is hell to pay if you get sucked back in again.

Any separation anxiety you suffer now will not be as bad as the trauma you will suffer later if you go back or even contact her.

She is not calling to make you feel good, that's for sure. Keep away. Good luck in your recovery.

[bjm]

What does it mean that she didn't leave a message... .Is that just a form of manipulation?

[ppb2la]

She's probably trying to recycle you. Sorry to be so blunt.

Like Username99, my uBPDexbf broke up with me lots of times in a short space of time- 11 in 5 months. The second to last time, he didn't contact me for 5 weeks and then got back in contact as he was living in a hotel and was in severe financial straits. He also admitted to going back to a former gf that he was in a similar r/s with over 2 years who still doesn't want anything permanent with him. In other words, he did what many seem to do- recycled her.

I saw him at his hotel. Then he ended up on my doorstep unannounced three days later in a foul mood walking into my place as if he owned it. He said some pretty hurtful things. He is also uNPD and his sense of entitlement was sickeningly obvious. After having a shower at my place, he ended up walking out for the 11th time as I dared light a candle in my OWN living room without asking his permission in advance.

I didn't run after him as I always did before and pester him with emails and texts but ended up sending him a long email where I confronted him with his BPD and NPD and told him he needed to get help. It was written with both care and love. I also told him not to contact me again and have blocked him. Now , assuming he read that email, he is probably PO big time as we all know that these folks NEVER want to admit the problem is with them; they prefer to project onto us instead.

I would echo the suggestions of everyone on this thread- stay NC. It is hard to do as I am finding out myself after 2 weeks, but you have to do it unless you constantly want to be on their merry-go-round of craziness.

[oor_wullie]

What does it mean that she didn't leave a message... .Is that just a form of manipulation?

everything, literally everything they do is some form of manipulation. even if they don't intend it. because they do nothing for anyone else but themselves. if they do something nice for you, it's to maintain themselves in your heart - purely and only that. the nice things they do are to keep you. it's not calculating, it's just that that's the way a borderline works. like a machine almost. it's in their wiring.

so yes, some form of manipulation. unconscious maybe, but it's manipulation. you asked the question, but you already knew the answer.

as to your original question. as others have pointed out: it's the blunt truth - she's either thinking about recycling you, or she's doing that other thing they do. which is she wants to get a rise out of you - some reaction to show that you still think about her, still care, still love her. she'll take just enough to confirm that and, potentially, vanish again.

or maybe she just wants to poke you. remind you she's there. in her head, that might be enough to get her that taste of your attention, especially if she knows it's going to work that way. that might be enough of a reward for her.

it's a game. she's not a monster, but she's not a whole person either. she's compelled to do this stuff. it's not a game. it's just a pattern of behaviour that she's incapable of breaking out of, because to her it all feels normal and necessary. and you're on the wrong end of that behaviour.

she has no choice but to do what she does. you do! choose NC. does your phone have a block function? use it. block her everywhere you can. cut yourself off from ever knowing if she tries to contact you. it doesn't matter if she does. she's a borderline. all she can offer you is another chance to feel all that pain again. do you really miss it that much?

the answer to every question, *every* question, you have about her has only one answer - she's a borderline. nothing else matters more than that one, simple fact. why did she call? because she's a borderline. why didn't she leave a message? because she's a borderline. it's a hard thing to realise, and to accept, but it's the only answer you need.