Was your BPDex your first love?

[Depression = 72% of members]

I was just wondering if there was anyone on this forum who would call their BPDex their first love? Do you think this increases the amount of time it takes to heal, as it might in that situation anyway?

I had relationships before my ex, but she was my first serious relationship and first love (I know, excuse the emo

It's been some months, and I'm doing well, but there are times where I can really ruminate on the relationship. I can see from others experiences that isn't uncommon, but I was wondering if anyone had an experience where their BPDex was their first love?

[mrwigand]

I was just wondering if there was anyone on this forum who would call their BPDex their first love? Do you think this increases the amount of time it takes to heal, as it might in that situation anyway?

I had relationships before my ex, but she was my first serious relationship and first love (I know, excuse the emo

It's been some months, and I'm doing well, but there are times where I can really ruminate on the relationship. I can see from others experiences that isn't uncommon, but I was wondering if anyone had an experience where their BPDex was their first love?

[cloudten]

I actually feel the same way as you.  I was in several serious relationships (one was a marriage) where I thought I loved the person, but then didn't in hindsight. I have never loved anyone so intensely, deeply, and with singleness of heart as I did my BPD.  I will probably never love anyone else that way again.

[FannyB]

I actually feel the same way as you.  I was in several serious relationships (one was a marriage) where I thought I loved the person, but then didn't in hindsight. I have never loved anyone so intensely, deeply, and with singleness of heart as I did my BPD.  I will probably never love anyone else that way again.

Yep - that pretty much sums me up as well. This was the first time I've really let my guard down emotionally - just about every other time I've had 'one foot out the door' so to speak!   

[Pretty Woman]

My BPD was my first lesbian relationship so I think that made me more co dependent and trauma bonded. I think it also makes me a "trophy" of sorts for her so getting away isn't going to be the easiest (even though she has replaced me).

Since I wasn't "out" it made it easier for her to control me. When she'd dump me and run I'd be left a mess because no one knew we were together.

It really screwed with me.

[introvert]

My BPDexgf was my first LTR and first love. I had two relationships prior to her and neither lasted longer than 4 months. I think it likely makes things harder because we haven't had any experience in dealing with serious breakups. Let alone serious breakups involving BPD. It's scary to not have any idea as to what your healing time line will look like.

[Bassoutcast]

First love? hell, she was my first kiss, my first relationship, first everything. I'm 20 and waited so long for someone "worthy", and I seriously thought she was "the one". One day we were talking about moving in together, the next day I'm pushing too hard on her... .typical BPD projection... .

So much for trust...

[LonelyChild]

First love? hell, she was my first kiss, my first relationship, first everything. I'm 20 and waited so long for someone "worthy", and I seriously thought she was "the one". One day we were talking about moving in together, the next day I'm pushing too hard on her... .typical BPD projection... .

So much for trust...

Same here. I used to think it made things harder, but I've seen people who've been through a couple of marriages, and it seems it's as painful for them. I think, non-BPD love for pwBPD is insanely intense. It's the same kind of love (although romantic also) that a parent has for his or her child. You basically internalize the pwBPD to the point where you die inside if you lose them from your life.

[once removed]

i think it depends on the person and their life experience, attachment style, brain chemistry, nature of the relationship; i could go on. but i can see exactly where a pwBPD being ones first love could complicate things significantly. in terms of relationship experience, its your only reference point. we all come from many different backgrounds, and varying relationships, but in many ways, our pain can be much the same.

my BPDex was not so much my first love, although i did believe, at the time, that she was the first time id truly been in love. id had painful breakups before, and id had other relationships where the partner felt like a soul mate to me. i had a reference point, and i knew id survive. it made a difference. the pain was still indescribable.

[UserName69]

No she wasn't. Everything I had with my exBPD just happened as it went. When I saw her the first time I never expected to be with her. I had previous relationships. My first relationship was pretty serious, 5 years the first 4 years went perfect till the last one. She started to act weird. When I look back I think she was a BPD too. So many red flags.

I had an rs with an another girl who was probably a BPD too, she lied a lot, she even cheated on her BF. When I found out that she had a BF I asked her why does she cheat on him. She said because he doesn't give her attention and she wants a guy who gives her attention and spend time with her. Later she asked me if she kicked him out would I go and move in with her. So many red flags. Other girlfriend had a lot of issues, she was a heavy cocaine user. She had a boyfriend too. I left her later.

Current girlfriend seems to be fine, so far so good. Still if she would be a BPD I would leave her and find an another healthy person. Before I met my exBPD I only went for one night stands, they're good but the sex isn't fantastic compared when you have sex with a person you love. Even the girls I had one night stands with seemed to be a little weird. They all where older than me, and they all had issues.

[WhatJustHappened?]

My exBPDgf was my second love. This is interesting. We recently reconnect after she found me on FB and reunited quickly. She was by far the most intense love I have ever had and is/was definitely my biggest weakness. Unfortunately after we reunited, I told her this which did not do me any favors. It's never a good idea to tell a BPD that she is your biggest weakness

[james_s]

I was just wondering if there was anyone on this forum who would call their BPDex their first love? Do you think this increases the amount of time it takes to heal, as it might in that situation anyway?

I had relationships before my ex, but she was my first serious relationship and first love (I know, excuse the emo

It's been some months, and I'm doing well, but there are times where I can really ruminate on the relationship. I can see from others experiences that isn't uncommon, but I was wondering if anyone had an experience where their BPDex was their first love?

Hi Mrwigand, similar situation for me. For me, first serious relationship, first love, married (situation we were in meant that it was needed). Also a few months since going NC and still ruminate on the relationship at times.

I think you are right, it may take a bit longer to heal. We have less experience with breakups as a general rule but I think even if we did, the task is quite a difficult one with a BPD ex.

[findingmyselfagain]

I'd say mine was the first that I allowed myself to fall head over heels for. She seemed to be exactly what I was looking for. Too good to be true, and enough for me to scratch my head when she was upset over something I couldn't figure out at all. She seemed gungho about our r/S until after our wedding shower. Suddenly she went out one of her male coworkers. It seemed like a "suicide affair". If she was just hanging out, OK, but it seemed really weird how she threw it in my face in a weird way. It took me a long time to get over, but it was more or less because I really took it seriously and quickly. Lots of red flags that should have said move slow, but who doesn't want to be in love? It's something that I don't think I'll ever be totally cool with. I've really learned to live a fuller life and to be a little more selfish when it comes to what I can and will do that doesn't serve me. I try to worry less in general and just enjoy life and positive people. I'm a much different person now. Maybe I needed a wake up call?

[soar]

Mine was definately my first love. It was amazing but if I could go back, I would have never of met her. That says it all. It's not worth it.