Did your partner accuse you of 'suffocating' him or her?

[rotiroti]

It was around day 4 of having moved-in and being engaged. I thought it was because we were going too fast, so i gave her space. Of course when I gave her the space the criticisms and demeaning comments started coming my way... not to mention starting to hide her phone and coming and going as she pleased. I've been healing and reviewing my r/s and I can't believe how many red flags I've voluntarily ignored.

There really really no winning in these situations!

Has anyone experienced something similar?

[soar]

I think so... .

One of the reasons my ex gave for breaking up with me was that I was mentally draining.

My ex would do/say things that would upset me, I would try to talk/understand why. But she didn't like to talk about things, she thought that if you didn't talk about them, they would go away. So basically me wanting to talk about things would piss my ex off.

There were also times when I would try and give her space. She would hate it if I woke her up in the morning, trying to cuddle her. So one day I just went next door to work on my computer and left her in bed. But I got told off for essientally not giving her attention for a while. She can't win with someone who has BPD. There is always an issue. You're too hot, too cold. Too excited, not excited enough etc etc etc.

[rotiroti]

She can't win with someone who has BPD. There is always an issue. You're too hot, too cold. Too excited, not excited enough etc etc etc.

So true!


The worst was being told she hated coming home to me. Stopped greeting her or went out around the time she would come home.

Criticized for leaving her alone. Go figure!

[goateeki]

can't win with someone who has BPD. There is always an issue. You're too hot, too cold. Too excited, not excited enough etc etc etc.

This is very true.  The things you describe her are the very things that finally made me say to myself, "Wait, this is crazy."

It also highlights our own tendency toward co-dependency.  The amount of energy that I put into making adjustments in my behavior to make sure she was happy was phenomenal. I think it must have taken years off my life. 

I worked on the yard the way every man in America works on his yard on the weekend - mowed the lawn, trimmed it, and pulled any weeds I saw.  Put down fertilizer once in a while. By July I'd be told that I was "obsessed" with the yard. So I'd work on the yard less, and inevitably we'd encounter crab grass.  Then I'd be told that "I've given up on the yard" and asked ":)on't you have any pride?"  I'd be told that I was a "terrible" and "horrible" father because I didn't play with the kids enough (bear in mind that my dBPD ex wife did not once in the childhoods of either of our kids actually get down on the floor and play with them -- not once; I did not witness this even one time), so I bought them fishing poles and took them fishing. They liked this, and over the course of a spring and summer we went fishing about six times. A father taking his kids fishing. What could be more beautiful than that? By August I was hearing that I was "obsessed" with fishing.  Try to engage in her a conversation about what was happening in the world and she'd look at you like you had two heads -- and of course, have no idea what I was talking about because she was utterly resistant to news of events taking place around her -- and when I finally gave up on trying to have an intelligent conversation with her, I'd be "ignoring" her.  I think that the thing that did it for me was the night the U.S. invaded Iraq in 2003, and every television broadcast was interrupted with video of cruise missiles destroying downtown Baghdad.  She got angry at the interruption and said to me "Wait. Who is attacking who? Why?" How a literate human could not know what was happening on that evening is still beyond my comprehension.  But she had no idea what it was she was witnessing on television.  But if you tried to meet her solely on her terms (forget about high minded topics like the huge war that just began), and she'd tell you that the attention was "smothering" her.   

Mind you in all this time I let every friendship I had die, of necessity.  All I did was work and come home to be with my family.  I was the epitome of the loyal and hardworking family man and this meant a lot to me.  Meanwhile, if I read two books in a row on the same subject, I'd be accused of being "obsessive."

I said to her godmother a year ago that there was no level of involvement or non-involvement that pleased her.  Depending on the most minute change in my behavior, I'd be regarded as either ignoring her or smothering her.

There's a small part of me that will never stop hating her.  It's hard for me to see that she did not know what she was doing, unless she is really, really dumb.   

[dobie]

 Yes she said at the end she didn't know who she was that everything about her was me  she used to hang on my every word but does not now respect me and needs to "find herself"

[SummerStorm]

My ex would do/say things that would upset me, I would try to talk/understand why. But she didn't like to talk about things, she thought that if you didn't talk about them, they would go away. So basically me wanting to talk about things would piss my ex off.

There were also times when I would try and give her space. She would hate it if I woke her up in the morning, trying to cuddle her. So one day I just went next door to work on my computer and left her in bed. But I got told off for essientally not giving her attention for a while. She can't win with someone who has BPD. There is always an issue. You're too hot, too cold. Too excited, not excited enough etc etc etc.

This, right here, is basically my story!  I've said it to my mother so many times; pwBPD all basically sound like the same person.  It's actually kind of creepy.  

Mine would constantly do things that upset me, but whenever I tried to talk to her about them, she would get mad.  At first, she was willing to talk through it in text messages (never face-to-face, of course), but after a few months, she would just stop replying to me or would reply with messages that had nothing to do with what I wanted to talk about.  Near the end, she would just turn it all around on me and start criticizing everything I did.  In one of her text rants (in all caps), she came right out and told me that all I want to do is talk about everything.  

At first, she wanted to be with me as much as possible.  If I didn't ask her to go somewhere with me, she got upset.  If we were in bed watching a movie or TV show on her laptop, she wanted to snuggle right up against me and hold my hand.  The last time she slept over at my house, she wrapped her arms around a pillow instead and basically acted like I wasn't even there.    

Near the end, she told me I was "clingy."  This, coming from someone who once called my classroom four times during my lunch break (I was mad at her and decided not to answer), sent me a text message after I didn't answer, and then called me in the middle of my next class.  This, coming from someone who once sent me 18 texts when she knew I was sleeping, most of which were all about how she missed me.  

So, during a fire drill one day, I decided to talk to some other co-workers, instead of talking to her (she could have joined our conversation, but instead she sat on the grass and pouted).  Later, she got pissed at me, told me I abandoned her (I was standing a foot away from her the whole time), and called me a "fake b***h."

Ultimately, she decided one day to go NC, and her reasoning was because I'm too clingy and want to spend too much time with her.  That was three weeks ago, and I haven't heard from her since.

[rotiroti]

This is very true.  The things you describe her are the very things that finally made me say to myself, "Wait, this is crazy."

It also highlights our own tendency toward co-dependency.  The amount of energy that I put into making adjustments in my behavior to make sure she was happy was phenomenal. I think it must have taken years off my life.

Thanks for sharing your story... through this ordeal I have definitely recognized my co-dependency and 'rescuer' tendencies. It's a shame that I even started to cut out my own family and friends. I can't believe they took me back in when I returned. Love and compassion is very real... Scary that this r/s and subsequent b/u made me forget they even existed

[goateeki]

This is very true.  The things you describe her are the very things that finally made me say to myself, "Wait, this is crazy."

It also highlights our own tendency toward co-dependency.  The amount of energy that I put into making adjustments in my behavior to make sure she was happy was phenomenal. I think it must have taken years off my life.

Thanks for sharing your story... through this ordeal I have definitely recognized my co-dependency and 'rescuer' tendencies. It's a shame that I even started to cut out my own family and friends. I can't believe they took me back in when I returned. Love and compassion is very real and this r/s and subsequent b/u has made me forget about it.

My T said to me that my ability to be attentive and considerate (in the wider sense of the word) and find a strategy is actually huge asset in a relationship with a healthy person, because those are qualities of healthy people and it can help to sustain a healthy relationship.  He said that there is only ever a problem when people like us involve ourselves with people who are very limited.  It takes those qualities that are virtues in another context and turns them into liabilities, and it has everything to do with our inability to define what we can tolerate and say no.  I felt happy when he said that if I'd been in a prison camp, those qualities would mean that I'd be the only one to walk out alive.

[soar]

Mine would constantly do things that upset me, but whenever I tried to talk to her about them, she would get mad.

Yes, yes and yes. When my ex upset me, she would make me feel bad for mentioning it. Like I was destroying the relationship. So my choices were either take whatever had initially upset me or speak up and take a further beating. Great relationship huh?

She would say things like "Am I not good enough the way I am?" and obviously I didn't want her to feel that way so I would stop arguing. But essentially she'd just be manipulating me into letting her get away with anything.

I once sat down with her and asked her if she would stop blaming me for everything. I can't remember exactly how she worded it but essientially she said she couldn't. I think I even said to her at the time that I feared for the relationship. I had no idea what was lurking further down the line though.

[rotiroti]

This is very true.  The things you describe her are the very things that finally made me say to myself, "Wait, this is crazy."

It also highlights our own tendency toward co-dependency.  The amount of energy that I put into making adjustments in my behavior to make sure she was happy was phenomenal. I think it must have taken years off my life.

Thanks for sharing your story... through this ordeal I have definitely recognized my co-dependency and 'rescuer' tendencies. It's a shame that I even started to cut out my own family and friends. I can't believe they took me back in when I returned. Love and compassion is very real and this r/s and subsequent b/u has made me forget about it.

My T said to me that my ability to be attentive and considerate (in the wider sense of the word) and find a strategy is actually huge asset in a relationship with a healthy person, because those are qualities of healthy people and it can help to sustain a healthy relationship.  He said that there is only ever a problem when people like us involve ourselves with people who are very limited.  It takes those qualities that are virtues in another context and turns them into liabilities, and it has everything to do with our inability to define what we can tolerate and say no.  I felt happy when he said that if I'd been in a prison camp, those qualities would mean that I'd be the only one to walk out alive.

haha I like that example!


Thanks again. It was weird, I thought I was helping with the stresses of daily life, preparing dinner when she was busy or picking up groceries. When I was walking on egg shells I had that same 'ah ha!' moment of 'this is crazy'

I'm still trying to let go of that tiny sliver that wants me to go back, your replies have helped tremendously.

[goateeki]

This is very true.  The things you describe her are the very things that finally made me say to myself, "Wait, this is crazy."

It also highlights our own tendency toward co-dependency.  The amount of energy that I put into making adjustments in my behavior to make sure she was happy was phenomenal. I think it must have taken years off my life.

Thanks for sharing your story... through this ordeal I have definitely recognized my co-dependency and 'rescuer' tendencies. It's a shame that I even started to cut out my own family and friends. I can't believe they took me back in when I returned. Love and compassion is very real and this r/s and subsequent b/u has made me forget about it.

My T said to me that my ability to be attentive and considerate (in the wider sense of the word) and find a strategy is actually huge asset in a relationship with a healthy person, because those are qualities of healthy people and it can help to sustain a healthy relationship.  He said that there is only ever a problem when people like us involve ourselves with people who are very limited.  It takes those qualities that are virtues in another context and turns them into liabilities, and it has everything to do with our inability to define what we can tolerate and say no.  I felt happy when he said that if I'd been in a prison camp, those qualities would mean that I'd be the only one to walk out alive.

haha I like that example!


Thanks again. It was weird, I thought I was helping with the stresses of daily life, preparing dinner when she was busy or picking up groceries. When I was walking on egg shells I had that same 'ah ha!' moment of 'this is crazy'

I'm still trying to let go of that tiny sliver that wants me to go back, your replies have helped tremendously.

Look dude I don't know you but let me help you let go of that little sliver.  You didn't deserve any of that, and you know it.  And I can report to you that there are some really wonderful women out there for whom being kind and considerate and loving is not hard work -- it's their nature.  It's just who they are.  I've met one.  There are some really great, strong, confident, loving people in this world.  Look around, you'll find one.  And she won't ask you to buy her groceries.

[rotiroti]

Look dude I don't know you but let me help you let go of that little sliver.  You didn't deserve any of that, and you know it.  And I can report to you that there are some really wonderful women out there for whom being kind and considerate and loving is not hard work -- it's their nature.  It's just who they are.  I've met one.  There are some really great, strong, confident, loving people in this world.  Look around, you'll find one.  And she won't ask you to buy her groceries.

Thank you, I truly believe those words myself... and I have previous relationship experiences that confirms all of this. I'm also in the other thread by dying love, about how we gave our all but received nothing in return. Eerily same stories repeating throughout here. 8 years of mirroring has its hooks in deep!


And that last sentence  thanks for giving me a laugh!

[once removed]

"The worst was being told she hated coming home to me."

you know, that made me tear up a bit reading it. what an unimaginably hurtful thing to say. 

you can take some solace: it wasnt so much about you or your actions; you went out of your way to change them, and as you said, were then accused of leaving her alone. as you may know, this was more about feeling engulfed and abandoned, and the resulting push pull behavior. regardless, thats an incredibly hurtful thing to be told, in your home, and by your partner. that deserves to be acknowledged 

[rotiroti]

"The worst was being told she hated coming home to me."

you know, that made me tear up a bit reading it. what an unimaginably hurtful thing to say. 

you can take some solace: it wasnt so much about you or your actions; you went out of your way to change them, and as you said, were then accused of leaving her alone. as you may know, this was more about feeling engulfed and abandoned, and the resulting push pull behavior. regardless, thats an incredibly hurtful thing to be told, in your home, and by your partner. that deserves to be acknowledged 

Thank you for making it rain my face once removed. It was incredibly painful and it still hurts thinking about it... How could someone who had me move in with her at her at her behest say such a cruel thing after 4 days! I had also left my entire support group behind and I was so acutely lonely at the moment. I remember sitting there silently just listening to her go on and that one hit the hardest. I'm a full grown man, but I remember the tears were welling up and I just went to the other room. It was the moment where I started questioning my love and the r/s... .



anyway thank you for hearing me out, it feels so good to get that off of my chest.

[cj488]

My exBPDgf love-carpet-bombed me to get me to let her move in. "I want you, I love you, I want to be your partner, your inspiration, your everything!" She is/was gorgeous, talented, amazing, and... .mysterious. Once she moved in, believing I had finally found my dream partner, the distancing and devaluations started. "Oh, we won't get married for some years." Okay. Then, "Well, this whole girlfriend/boyfriend labeling is so over-rated. I always end up in control and having to take care of my lover." I was just speechless. She then tried to take over a part of my business, and I told her that if that's the way it's gonna be, there's the door. She cried and begged to let herself stay, but showed no actual remorse at all, and tried to turn it all around and say it's my fault! Then the BPD went ballistic and she accused me of wanting her out of the house, so I could order prostitutes, etc. I was absolutely bewildered! Then she said she was suffocated, so she had to run. Gone, never to be seen again. BPD is a terrible emotional disorder.

[wavelife]

Wow, they do all sound similar!

Mine not only hated to talk about issues and would avoid at all cost, she would go one step farther and if you did bring up an issue of something that she was doing to hurt the marriage it would be the LAST thing on earth she would change in her behavior.  It was like have a relationship with a child who hated to discuss problems and a teenager who would do the opposite of what the marriage needed in order to hurt you some more... .good riddens... .none of us deserved the treatment or the egg shells. (reminds me that she often used that term, eggshells and accused me of creating that environment in our house)  good grief 

[goateeki]

My exBPDgf love-carpet-bombed me to get me to let her move in. "I want you, I love you, I want to be your partner, your inspiration, your everything!" She is/was gorgeous, talented, amazing, and... .mysterious. Once she moved in, believing I had finally found my dream partner, the distancing and devaluations started. "Oh, we won't get married for some years." Okay. Then, "Well, this whole girlfriend/boyfriend labeling is so over-rated. I always end up in control and having to take care of my lover." I was just speechless. She then tried to take over a part of my business, and I told her that if that's the way it's gonna be, there's the door. She cried and begged to let herself stay, but showed no actual remorse at all, and tried to turn it all around and say it's my fault! Then the BPD went ballistic and she accused me of wanting her out of the house, so I could order prostitutes, etc. I was absolutely bewildered! Then she said she was suffocated, so she had to run. Gone, never to be seen again. BPD is a terrible emotional disorder.

This doesn't seem so far fetched to me given my experience.  By the way, it's comforting to know that others have dealt with even weirder stuff than me, but... .

Let me give you the setup.

Nineteen year marriage with two young children.  The only thing I did was work and come home to my family. Nice house, nice yard, nice kids.  dBPD ex wife has trauma history: mother walked out at age 11 and moved in with a boy 15 years her junior, and then dBPD ex wife attacked and raped at knife point while we were in grad school.  Along the way (maybe age 14) unplanned pregnancy and abortion.  I'm informed that her mother's history was identical in this way. Very young unplanned pregnancy possibly the result of sleeping with a married man.

Imagine 19 years of being told that you're upsetting your spouse by doing such things as folding the towels in a way that she doesn't like.  Imagine making a bed perfectly, and then having your spouse walk into the room, huff, unmake and remake the bed.  Imagine her instructing you on the specific way she wants you to place plates on top of one another (":)on't slide them" in the cabinet.  Nineteen years of accumulated instructions on every single thing you can imagine.  Now throw into this a sex life that includes her having multiple orgasms almost every time we made love, which was often. Graphic, yes, but relevant.

I reach a point where I just cannot take the constant dissatisfaction. I tell her that I don't think she actually loves me and doesn't seem to really want me in her life.  That she seems to tolerate me, rather than feel proud and happy. And I am telling you, if diligence, hard work and devotion to family were Olympic sports, I'd be a gold medalist.

I tell her this, and she explodes.  She never loved me, never felt anything for me, always hated me (as far back as college when we met), hated having sex with me (apparently her body didn't get the memo) and sex was the worst part of our relationship (despite that fact that she initiated the two pregnancies that resulted in our children). She doesn't know if she's heterosexual, maybe she likes women, maybe she should have been a nun.  Two days later, of course she likes men.  There were other crazy statements.  There were also other very, very crazy episodes throughout the marriage having to do with her fear of my constant (and fictitious) infidelity. A guy who wouldn't dream of cheating accused more or less nonstop of cheating.

So six months into MC that consisted mainly of her yelling at me and our marriage counselor, I pull the rip cord.  I divorce her.  I divorce her because I couldn't take the abuse for another day.  In fact, MC was possibly the most traumatic (for me) segment of our marriage.

About seven months into the divorce -- a divorce that had her buy in -- I get a series of telephone calls and texts telling me how horrible I am for putting just six months into marriage counseling, that six months is nothing, and that she never wanted a divorce. 

No one should have to put up with this stuff.  BPD is a disease like cholera and herpes.  Just a horror show. 

[cj488]

Yes, Wavelife, before I understood much about BPD I innocently said, "Yeah, you know what, this whole runaround sounds a lot like Borderline PD." She freaked, knew exactly what I was talking about, and then accused me of being BPD! I laughed, and asked what part of BPD was my behavior and she just raged, and accused, and belittled, and devalued, and was then gone. No explanation. BPD is such a bizarre disorder. Even Carl Jung was taken in by it (Sabina Spielrein).

[cj488]

Hey, goateeki, man, you had it worse than I did. Whew - 19 years. But I know about the sex thing. I was some years ago with another BPD (yes, I'm probably a BPD addict), who was insanely sexy, unlimited multiple orgasms, former model, gorgeous, and completely nuts BPD. She could have 3~11 full-blown orgasms each time we went at it. It was just intoxicating, to say the very least. Any woman, and I mean ANY woman, was just boring in bed compared to that. We broke up and got back together 5 times across 7 years, until I finally surrendered the insanity. She suddenly married a guy overseas hardly a few weeks after we broke up. I never heard from her again. No doubt I was "suffocating" her! Her poor husband - hope he's still alive! Not my circus, not my monkeys anymore. Be thankful she's gone. Life is better without the madness. 

[rotiroti]

It was like have a relationship with a child who hated to discuss problems and a teenager who would do the opposite of what the marriage needed in order to hurt you some more... .

Well said

No one should have to put up with this stuff. 

wow goateekl, you have the patience have a saint to survive 19 years of that trauma. I remember reaching my breaking point of all the criticism and belittling. I remember trying to explain logically about something she was upset about, nope, she would have non of it. Even observable things about broken lights around the house, she would deny it to a point where I thought I was really hallucinating. I had to check the lights to see that they were indeed broken.

At this time I was afraid of confronting her, everything I was doing was wrong. Even the way I folded blankets to the way I plugged in electronics into the wall socket.

No one should have to put up with this stuff.  BPD is a disease like cholera and herpes.  Just a horror show.

[Greyhound]

Wow, they do all sound similar!

Mine not only hated to talk about issues and would avoid at all cost, she would go one step farther and if you did bring up an issue of something that she was doing to hurt the marriage it would be the LAST thing on earth she would change in her behavior.  It was like have a relationship with a child who hated to discuss problems and a teenager who would do the opposite of what the marriage needed in order to hurt you some more... .

My dBPDw does the exact same thing (probably not an uncommon occurrence considering the forum).  She will say, "I'm not going to do it because you want me to."  Unfortunately, she is about punishing me for the perceived abandonment that occurred 5 1/2 years ago when our third child was born (we had twins 14 months earlier).  There are a myriad of bad behaviors on display at our home, but bring up any of those, and we always end up back at what didn't happen back when she was 'abandoned.'   Takeaway: you can't rationalize with someone who's irrational.  For whatever reason, I keep trying to convince her that actions have consequences, and every time I do, we end up in the same circular argument - as if the perceived abandonment releases her from responsibility for any future actions. 

Did any of you experience something similar?

[rotiroti]

Takeaway: you can't rationalize with someone who's irrational.

I think you hit the nail on the head Greyhound. For someone with BPD, to admit they are wrong would be invalidating who they are at the moment. Hence the history re-writing, the circular arguments, and no-win situations.

[UserName69]

Yes she id. She even told me that she needs some space. That's just breaking up, and she really believed I would accept this. What a joke, dumping someone and when they want you back they call you. I'm not a dog 

When we broke up she posted this on FB. She had support of a girl she said I can't understand why he (BS she was the one who ended it) can give you the space you need?

LMAO, I laughed so hard. Probably she's a BPD too. Dumping someone and then playing the victim, the level of stupidity really amazed me.

[rotiroti]

Yes she id. She even told me that she needs some space. That's just breaking up, and she really believed I would accept this. What a joke, dumping someone and when they want you back they call you. I'm not a dog 

When we broke up she posted this on FB. She had support of a girl she said I can't understand why he (BS she was the one who ended it) can give you the space you need?

LMAO, I laughed so hard. Probably she's a BPD too. Dumping someone and then playing the victim, the level of stupidity really amazed me.

straight to the point! And your laughter is infectious, it really is ridiculous.


I was also asked to give 'space'

[UserName69]

It was the second time she told me she needed space. The first time I ignored her completely, three weeks later she wanted me back. She told me that she didn't breakup and she just wanted some distance and space from me. I was like "what the hell?".

Whenever I texted her she didn't reply, whenever I wanted to have fun with her she had a busy schedule, whenever I asked her why she's behaving like that she replied with that I'm the kind of person who want's everything he sees, when I told her that she's going to lose me forever if she keeps behaving like this she told me "if I lose you so be it". When she dumped me she stalked me on FB while I decided to move on, when she found out that I was going to date an another girl she freaked out. BPD logic; I dump you but you can't date someone else.

I bet she went with an another guy and saw that he just used her and got rid of him. Because I knew she used sex as revenge, we was even so proud when she told me. At one point she told me I'm allowed to do it and you don't because I can get very jealous. Now that's really mature. I'm glad I don't have to deal with her anymore.

I met a girl once and we had the same hobbies. She became a friend of mine there was nothing going on between the two of us. Guess what? My exBPD got very upset, she told me that she made a list of everything she could do better than my friend. This is def not normal behavior. Yet this person had the nerve to accuse me of being a pwBPD.

[SummerStorm]

Whenever I texted her she didn't reply, whenever I wanted to have fun with her she had a busy schedule, whenever I asked her why she's behaving like that she replied with that I'm the kind of person who want's everything he sees, when I told her that she's going to lose me forever if she keeps behaving like this she told me "if I lose you so be it".

I met a girl once and we had the same hobbies. She became a friend of mine there was nothing going on between the two of us. Guess what? My exBPD got very upset, she told me that she made a list of everything she could do better than my friend. This is def not normal behavior. Yet this person had the nerve to accuse me of being a pwBPD.

Yes, the same thing happened to me.  At one point, we were averaging 50-100 texts a day.  Near the end, she just stopped replying to me and would only text me when she had a problem/when she wanted to complain about something/when she wanted to criticize me/when she wanted something.  Then, she told me that she's "busy" waiting for job interviews, scheduling doctor's appointments, and getting her life back together.  Funny, since she found the time to get her hair cut and re-colored (based on how much she got cut off and the fact that she had to go from black to blonde with pink highlights, I would say that took a few hours), but she can't find the time to go to the post office to send me several things that she borrowed from me.

Mine once told me that she was jealous of two of my co-workers because I sometimes talk to them and joke back and forth with them.  Once, I was on my phone, just reading my Twitter feed, and she got all jealous and suspicious and asked, "Who are you texting?"  It was like I couldn't have anyone else in my life except her.  When she came over to my house, she barely talked to my parents, either.  It's like she just wanted to isolate herself with me and not let anyone else in.   

[chill1986]

Yep my ex felt 'claustrophobic' after we moved in together, started blaming everything on me. Still ate the meals I cooked her every night though! Although at the end she denied this and said I only cook a couple of times, in actual fact it was 6 out of 7!

When she broke up with me I asked if I moved out and gave her space and resolved all the other ___ty small reasons she gave if we still had a chance she said maybe. She couldn't even look me in the eye when breaking up with me. It was like talking to a different person that had loved me so deeply.

I moved out to give her space and no longer hear from her.

[chill1986]

Exactly the same as you summer star, ridiculous amounts of texts and messages early on, then it reduced to none and she said it was because she was busy at work and driving lots and couldn't afford to get the points. Didn't stop her before.

[SummerStorm]

Exactly the same as you summer star, ridiculous amounts of texts and messages early on, then it reduced to none and she said it was because she was busy at work and driving lots and couldn't afford to get the points. Didn't stop her before.

Mine sent me all of those messages when she had a long-term position as an English teacher.  But when she got another long-term position as an art teacher, she was suddenly too busy to reply to me.  Not to criticize art teachers, but basically, all she had to do all day was watch students finish their projects (this was the last month or so of school).  She was definitely not as busy as she was when she was teaching English.