Not my first rodeo. I still need help to deal with BPD's in my life.

[Depression = 72% of members]

 

Hello,

I am new to the site.  I am the daughter of a mother who I suspect has BPD and a father who is a Narcissist.  I married a BPD and am now divorced.  I struggle daily with my mother.  I have longed for a relationship with her for my entire life as I am now in my late 30's.  I fee I can never do anything right by her. No matter what I buy, what I fix, time I spend with her, etc... .  I forever carry the cloak of guilt and shame with me every day of my life.

Thank you for hearing me out.

[wickeddgraon]

 

Hello,

I am new to the site.  I am the daughter of a mother who I suspect has BPD and a father who is a Narcissist.  I married a BPD and am now divorced.  I struggle daily with my mother.  I have longed for a relationship with her for my entire life as I am now in my late 30's.  I fee I can never do anything right by her. No matter what I buy, what I fix, time I spend with her, etc... .  I forever carry the cloak of guilt and shame with me every day of my life.

Thank you for hearing me out.

[Kwamina]

Hi wickeddgraon ,

Shame and guilt are two quite unpleasant things to be carrying around all the time. What do you feel guilty about? Do you perhaps feel guilty about not being able live up to your mother's (unrealistic) standards? And is your shame primarily related to how your mother has made you feel?

Many children of overly critical parents find themselves struggling with these kinds of feelings. Feeling shame, does not mean you actually are shameful though. And feeling guilty, does not have to mean that you've actually done something wrong. No matter what your mother says or does, odds are that it has nothing to do with who you really are but is only a reflection of your mother's own inner negativity and turmoil which she is projecting onto you.

You say you struggle daily with your mother, do the two of you live together?

That longing you express is something I can relate to. It's like no matter how much you've been through with your BPD parent, deep inside you still keep longing for the fantasy parent you never had. Accepting the full reality and consequences of having a BPD parent isn't easy because this would also entail letting go of the fantasy parent.

Welcome to the family