Has Anyone's Career/Work Suffered Post Break-UP?

[Family Court Strategies: When Your Partner Has BPD OR NPD Traits.]

Maybe a silly question... .

I know mine has. For the past 45 days or so (probably more), my work has definitely not been as good. I recognize it and am a bit disappointed in myself. But I know that's just life and as long as I can snap back, things will be OK.

I'm probably about 6 weeks post break-up and it just feels like now the fog is starting to lift and I can concentrate more at work.

Normal? Anyone with similar stories? Or completely different?

[WhatJustHappened?]

Maybe a silly question... .

I know mine has. For the past 45 days or so (probably more), my work has definitely not been as good. I recognize it and am a bit disappointed in myself. But I know that's just life and as long as I can snap back, things will be OK.

I'm probably about 6 weeks post break-up and it just feels like now the fog is starting to lift and I can concentrate more at work.

Normal? Anyone with similar stories? Or completely different?

[Sunfl0wer]

A resounding YES!

Driving to work in a mental fog.  Being less productive.  Forgetting dumb stuff always.  Falling behind in work.  Then there were the occasional "sick days" that I lay in bed crying!

I practiced mindfulness.  I worked on some meditation.  I came on here and poured my guts out.  I whined to a friend.  I learned to distract myself.

It gets easier!  It is still a work in progress for me... .but it is way much better now! (I'm almost 2 months living in my new place)

[Invictus01]

First 30-45 days I was absolutely useless in the office because I simply couldn't concentrate on anything. I literally couldn't keep my thoughts together for longer than 10 seconds. One Sunday night I was drinking till midnight, came to work pretty much drunk the next morning. Was absolutely useless to the point that my boss at the end of the day walked into my office, looked at me and said - "You need to go get some sleep". The evening his wife texted me and told me that my boss is worried about me and that my work went to crap. The next morning I walked into my boss' office and told him that he should feel free to fire me if I ever show up in the office like that again. It really took me about 2-3 months until I was able to produce the work that is normal to me. Good times.

[Turkish]

Yes, and it kind of still is. After mostly "coming back" months ago, I have to deal with D3's molestation by ex BIL17 last month,.and me being split black by the entire family (not as emotionally tough,.but I'm burning PTO taking days off to watch the kids, e.g.), I'm also dealing with dBPD mom's descent into ruin and dementia. She lives 130 miles away. Given the molestation, I am not as free to travel and take care of things, but the neighbor called me with another crisis today, as she backed her truck off the road down an embankment. I have a two year long project which should have been up a year ago,.my normal workload, and I'm supervising a major tool install, though I'm absent from work tomorrow since I have to watch the kids. And I have to travel this weekend to try and talk reality to my mom (who is a hoarder and has co-morbid depression). Good times, good times... . 

My T told me last year,."sometimes the strong are chosen to protect the weak." Maybe that's from The Bible, maybe it's from Spider-man, but lately I've been thinking,."why me?"

So yes, the one constant: work, has been suffering.

[coldmist]

I lost my job about a month after I was split black and discarded by my exBPDgf. We worked for her very narcissistic mother at the same company and we had stopped working together directly right before the discard. I had been slacking at work because of the stress and anxiety. It was eating me alive and during an angry stage while I was grieving, her mother was behaving unfairly and unprofessionally to me and a few co-workers at the company. I lost my cool and yelled at her over her pulling an excessive amount of hours to give to her daughter leaving me with not enough to live on along with treating my co-workers badly. I was one of her best employees for 2 years but that didn't matter one bit. She refused to speak to me over the phone instead staying in control by text message ignoring my responses and she finally fired me with it which was all very unprofessional.

My manager couldn't understand at all why she fired me. He asked her to keep me on in some capacity to help him as they're desperate for good employees. She outright refused and wanted me gone. It was a narcissistic discard.

It's not a bad thing. Severing the connection with my ex by getting away from her family and the situation is exactly what I needed to do.

[SummerStorm]

My work actually suffered a lot while I was going through the push-pull stage of my friendship with my former friend BPD.  We were basically on this chaotic carousel ride for about six weeks.  First, the ride would start with her telling me that she wanted to be with me instead of her boyfriend.  Then, that would wear off, and she would decide to stay with him.  A few days later, the ride would start again.  I rode it three times, and she tried to get me to ride it a fourth time, but I decided that I had enough. 

She would always decide to stay with her boyfriend on a Saturday or Sunday, so I would have to start off the work week feeling depressed and rejected.  I'm a teacher, and this definitely affected my ability to concentrate on delivering the material.  It didn't help that we were reading Romeo and Juliet in class and having discussions about what love is and whether love at first sight exists.  Then, as the week wore on, she would love-bomb me again, and I would be so focused on reading all of the sexy and romantic texts she was sending me that I honestly didn't care about my students.  I was so wrapped up in either my depression or elation that I basically stopped grading papers and stopped writing lesson plans. 

I hate everything that happened between us and wish I could go back in time and change everything, but the one thing I am thankful for is that she had her last rage session with me and went NC not long after the school year ended.  At first, it was difficult because I had all these plans of spending time with her this summer because we're both teachers and have off during the summer.  I found myself with so much free time, which caused me to spend much of that time crying about what happened.  But then, I got back into trying to find a house and found the perfect one for me, so I've been meeting with the Realtor and the lender, and I have a home inspection scheduled for next week.  The other day, I decided to get up and go for a two hour hike in a local park.  And next week, I have a book club meeting.   

When school starts again in August, I will be busy with learning the names of my students, re-working lesson plans, and buying stuff for my new house.

[greenmonkey]

I was unable to work - see another post.

She destroyed me to the point I could not have a conversation with anyone about anything as I just broke down.

I was unable to work for the best of year, not great when you are self employed.

My job is in the security industry looking after people, as my head has to be 100% there, alert etc. I was struggling to live day to day life, and after I got rid of her she started stalking me etc, so it was hard for me to get on with normal activities.

Only after I moved a few hundred miles away and starting getting me back on track that I have recently returned to work. It has taken a while, but it was either take an enforced break and work on me or lose my good name and reputation which I was not prepared to do.

She tried so very hard to destroy me but she did not succeed.

[RedDove]

Definitely normal and a BIG yes! During my encounter and post ending aftermath with my ex BPDbf my professional work life suffered immensely! I "had" a high level management position. The craziness of the constant push/pull and the emotional abuse and torment took a major toll on my ability to perform at work.

I traveled a lot for work. Whenever I had a trip I would tell him at least a month before. I would also remind him several times. When the day came for my flight, I'd hear "nothing" from him! No safe flight or travels, or I'll miss you. While I was away he wouldn't call or text unless I texted. His responses were always very short and uninterested. If I texted I was having dinner with co workers, he would ask if theymwere male amd accuse me of cheating. So I stopped telling him. I'd send photo's of the places I visited and get no response. I invited him to come on many trips with me... .he couldn't be bothered.

The emotional abuse took its toll on me. Unfortunately toward the end I was so warn down, confused and angry at my ex BPDbf. I wasnt allowed to discuss my feelings or being up when he did anything to hurt me. Unfortunately the anger and dissappointment were directed at those around me most, my co workers. Two weeks after I eneded it with my ex BPDbf, I was laid off. The reason given was not performance. It was my inability to relocate to corporate headquarters. BUT, I do feel my performance suffered and my emotional state was compromised.

I'm still out of work. It's been a year now. It's been very difficult to go through the loss of someone I thought loved me and would be there for me and my career all at the same time.

[Tim300]

Maybe a silly question... .

I know mine has. For the past 45 days or so (probably more), my work has definitely not been as good. I recognize it and am a bit disappointed in myself. But I know that's just life and as long as I can snap back, things will be OK.

I'm probably about 6 weeks post break-up and it just feels like now the fog is starting to lift and I can concentrate more at work.

Normal? Anyone with similar stories? Or completely different?

For the first at least 2 months I was pretty much completely unable to function.  My mind was all consumed with the tornado that had hit me (and her).  It probably took me at least 4 months before I was close to 100% again at work.  Hang in there.  I think this is normal.  BPD breakups are simply nuts -- you'd have to be a psychopath to just walk away unscathed and callous.

[Pretty Woman]

I had to go to my boss and eventually tell her I was in an abusive relationship.

My work suffered horribly. When I approached her she was glad because everyone could see it.

Now, this time I have to suffer through this best I can. No one knew I went back to her. Actually this is the second time since I told my boss (I've been replaced).

I mean I was physically assaulted by my ex and put up with this two more times. She dumped me over 10x in our three years but only three times for others.

ONLY. Ha Ha.  It's not funny. It's the reason why I am back on here, in counceling, in al-anon, and trying to get myself recovered so this doesn't happen again.