Source of BPD?

[How to communicate after a contentious divorce...]

My ex also told me many other stories that i found out were not completely true about things that happened in her life.  So i can not be sure what is true and what is made up.  But one thing is sure, something very bad happened to her as a child that came from her parents.  She no longer sees or talks to her father (since many, many years).  

100% genetic can't be ruled out here.

[Tim300]

My ex also told me many other stories that i found out were not completely true about things that happened in her life.  So i can not be sure what is true and what is made up.  But one thing is sure, something very bad happened to her as a child that came from her parents.  She no longer sees or talks to her father (since many, many years).  

100% genetic can't be ruled out here.

[chill1986]

In some cases, yes it could be genetic, but I don't think that's the case with everyone. I have no idea what my exes mother was like, but from what I gather her sister is exactly like her and she is the nicest person in the world!

[Tim300]

In some cases, yes it could be genetic, but I don't think that's the case with everyone. I have no idea what my exes mother was like, but from what I gather her sister is exactly like her and she is the nicest person in the world!

Do you know the cause of your ex's mother's death? 

[chill1986]

Cancer, I think.

[Tim300]

Cancer, I think.

I wonder if her cause of death was something more dramatic.  Who knows. 

More generally, another thing I wonder, assuming BPD is 100% genetic (which I believe it is) is the extent to which BPD skips generations and how it's in some offspring but not all.  I suppose it could be like anything else (e.g., hair color, eye color, etc.).  A confounding variable in this is that in some cases the true biological father might not be known.   

[Skip]

10 years ago when no one had any scientific data, it was common to have nature vs nuture discussions in support communities.  We are past that now.  Studies have show that roughly half of the people developing the disorder did not grow up in an environment so traumatic as to induce the disorder.

So what does this really mean the medical community?  A lot. It helps direct future research.  There is movement toward labeling trauma induced BPD as complex-PTSD.

What does this mean for a mother of a BPD child?  A lot.  It means they didn't necessarily destroy their child. Before these studies, all parents we suspect in the eyes of clinicians and social service providers.

What does it mean to Leaving romantic partners?  Probably very little. We can't tell which bucket a specific person was born into. Our partner could have trauma and genetic predisposition. Or just trauma. Or just genetic predisposition.  

The majority of our ex's have only traits or disorders with some BPD symptoms (ADHD, OCD, BiPolor, Addiction, ACOA, etc.).

Maybe the most important thing to know is that these are all developments from childhood that are real.  Many of our partners receive stimuli differently or more intensely , more hyperfocused than we do - we loved that about them when it was going our way - and have developed a different way to cope with life stresses. They are not crazy or insane - they are different - challenged.

And while I read here often (on Leaving) that we can't help them and it takes many years of treatment - this may fit our narrative more than it fits theirs.  Its not length of treatment, its commitment to it and progress.  Someone young people or with people traits will often see more progress earlier - so its motivating.  Someone who has hit bottom is going to be more motivated. Someone in a supportive environment will do better than someone isolated or in a hostile environment. Granted, its not a two month recovery for anyone - but we have seen partners/children here make significant progress in 6 - 12 weeks.  Not cured, but seeing the light at the end of the tunnel... .

[chill1986]

Thanks very much Skip for clearing that up!

When it comes to problems I often research heavily, finding their causes and fixing them (although I admit that probably won't happen in this case). I'm not perfect either so perhaps should focus on my own!

My job is problem solving so it crossed over into personal.

[enlighten me]

Thanks very much Skip for clearing that up!

When it comes to problems I often research heavily, finding their causes and fixing them (although I admit that probably won't happen in this case). I'm not perfect either so perhaps should focus on my own!

My job is problem solving so it crossed over into personal.

Theres a thread here about jobs we do. A lot of us are engineers or military or in the medical profession. Fixers, carers and protectors.

[chill1986]

Is that a type for a BPD?

Mechanical design engineer, I design military equipment. Considering going back to uni to do a medical degree.

My BPD also had exes before me that were military and police.

I'll look for the thread.

Thanks!

[enlighten me]

More to do with the type pwBPD are attracted to and what types try to help pwBPD. A bit of an introspective look at ourselves and why we do things.

[rotiroti]

Thanks very much Skip for clearing that up!

When it comes to problems I often research heavily, finding their causes and fixing them (although I admit that probably won't happen in this case). I'm not perfect either so perhaps should focus on my own!

My job is problem solving so it crossed over into personal.

Theres a thread here about jobs we do. A lot of us are engineers or military or in the medical profession. Fixers, carers and protectors.

Was it on leaving?

That's an interesting find, I'm in the medical field and always had a 'fixer' mentality... this r/s definitely has me looking into my co-dependency issues


My uBPDex's father supposedly is also BPD, but at his advanced age 'grew' out of it. He was her caregiver and persecutor during childhood, was physically abusive

[chill1986]

Makes sense re our professions. Just wished I had realised all this sooner!