Emotional change during the relationship

[chill1986]

Some background on me;

Before my relationship with my ex, I was I think quite different to I am now. I was borderline NPD, I found it hard to express empathy (I did it, but didn't really feel it if that makes sense? It was an act and I felt awkward), I was very confident, quite selfish and not very emotionally available. My ex told me I was a robot and that I needed to give her more emotionally. I don't think I had cried since I was a child, so 20 years.

Sounds bad, but I was thought of as a nice guy by all who knew me, so was a closet case narcissist. I did always like to be nice and well mannered, they cost nothing after all.

Over the course of our relationship this began to change, I became more available emotionally, I was able to sympathise with others and my confidence has taken a beating from constantly being put down. I also put on weight during the relationship which didn't help.

Since the relationship ended I have been extremely emotional and find it hard to switch off.

This morning I broke down. I got a flat tyre and had to change it and one of my exs colleagues/friends passed me just after. I cried my eyes out. I don't know why this got to me.

Just wanted to share my experience, somehow writing these things down helps.

[Lifewriter16]

In my opinion, this is a significant step forward for you, even though you probably feel dreadful about it happening. Crying is part of our innate healing mechanism - you will make faster progress if you allow yourself to express the full range of your emotions safely.

Love Lifewriter

[chill1986]

Thanks lifewriter,

I definitely see the emotional change as a positive thing, but yes it's still tough in the short term.

I'm on the mend, I don't feel so bad all the time, just seem to have moments like this morning.

I've dropped the weight I put on though. Mostly through stress! 2.5 stone in 2.5 months.

[enlighten me]

Hi chill I was also a very closed person emotionally. Im just curious. You said you were BPD npd. Is this diagnosed or are you saying this from what you have read on pd's? I too have traits that could be considered npd but the prevelance of these is minor so wouldnt qualify. In fact the majority of the planet at some point will do something narcisitic.

Yes our emotions are raw post a BPD relationship. I have burst into tears watxhing clips on you tube. The dad who did marathons and an iron man triathlon with his disabled son had me bawling. I dont know why theyre so raw but it does calm down.

[chill1986]

It was suggested to me a while ago, my ex thought I was on the autistic spectrum or had NPD, I definitely have some NPD traits, not really BPD though.

It's never been diagnosed but a couple of things I have read on here ring a few bells. Like BPDs and NPDs being attracted to each other. But whilst I tried hard to fix the flaws in my character in my relationship, she did not. She did once buy a book about getting irrationally angry but that didn't last long!

Thanks for confirming I'm not the only one! It's new for me.

[enlighten me]

Its not uncommon for pwBPD and npd to project it onto their SO. I wouldnt take a comment from your ex as having real substance. My ex wanted people to be like her so that she could pass of her behaviour as normal. She would try and get her friends to cheat to justify her doing it.

[chill1986]

Well I didn't project, but was certainly projected on! I called her on it one time when she was stressed from work and taking it out on me. She apologised and bought me a gift to say sorry. But it happened again. The last point was when we moved and this is a historic trigger for her and she finds it very very tough, she projected and painted me black and I had to move out.

[chill1986]

Feeling much better today!

And glad that I am a better person because of the relationship, despite the pain I feel now.