last words?

[cloudten]

I am FINALLY about to go NC... .I would like to say something before I do. but I am not good with words.

I need ideas.

What were the last words you said to your pwBPD?

[Invictus01]

Hah, I told her that if there was anything that was bothering her, she always could talk to me about it because I really cared about her. Instead of talking about whatever it was, she told me what good friend I was for her and disappeared.

The point of the story is this - don't bother.

[chill1986]

Similar to Invictus, I wrote a note when moving my stuff out and said anything I could do to help she just had to say... .she hasn't!

Don't bother.

It's unlikely to be last words anyway. Mine weren't. She got in contact.

[Invictus01]

Similar to Invictus, I wrote a note when moving my stuff out and said anything I could do to help she just had to say... .she hasn't!

Don't bother.

It's unlikely to be last words anyway. Mine weren't. She got in contact.

Well, in my case, it wasn't even intended to be break up words. She just really cut back on communication for a couple of weeks and acted weird. I thought I might open her up to me. Instead, she just cut it off.

Anyway, it really doesn't matter what YOU do or say in these relationships. Your SO will do whatever he or she wants at any given point of time.

[cloudten]

ugh... .true

I sorta just want to send him a big *F*U*

[chill1986]

Ha haven't we all! But in my case and a lot of others on here, they don't feel remorse for their actions so they won't care if you do that.

[cloudten]

I just don't understand how they can have ZERO remorse. ZERO? But they do... .just absolutely zero remorse.

[chill1986]

Yep, one of the toughest things I found is that she doesn't care she ruined my life. Read up on the illness and it will become more clear.

[MrTardyPresent]

"I've been meditating and it's really helping me cope with everything (after she cheated). It feels weird being your 'friend,' so it's with greater kindness that I take my leave. One last thing I'll say is that you should learn to love yourself because you will not find it in anybody else. It will only lead to more pain. Goodbye."

This was on April 9th of this year. She apathetically responded with, "That's fine I guess." I didn't respond to it because I was really leaving this time. 10 mins later she sent another text saying, "Idk if you got my text, but I said 'that's fine I guess.'" She knew I got her original text, but she wanted to see if I would respond/making it seem like it won't phase her if I left/adding insult to injury. I didn't respond.

2 weeks later I get 2 unknown calls and a text message from her the day after the unknown calls asking, "Could I get my games back? Or you sold them already?" They were two games that if you sold them you'd only get a measly $22 max. That's what she said she wanted them for, to sell them. But when she had them she never played them like that. She was only messaging me to see if she still had her hooks in me. She didn't. I deleted the text and blocked her for good.

I hope this helped. ( ‾ʖ̫‾)

[cloudten]

Yep, one of the toughest things I found is that she doesn't care she ruined my life. Read up on the illness and it will become more clear.

i am sorry she ruined your life. I am trying very hard not to let it feel that he ruined my life. I am trying so very very hard to learn something from it. Unfortunately some of the things I learned were not positive. I will probably be forever paranoid in any future relationship. I will question every movement and look for hints of dishonesty. I will probably never be in a relationship again.

So this is what I sent him:

I choose sanity.

I choose happiness.

I choose security.

I choose safety.

I choose self-esteem.

Then I blocked him.

yay.

check back in a few days when I am on the floor under my desk crying in a fetal position.

[cloudten]

"I've been meditating and it's really helping me cope with everything (after she cheated). It feels weird being your 'friend,' so it's with greater kindness that I take my leave. One last thing I'll say is that you should learn to love yourself because you will not find it in anybody else. It will only lead to more pain. Goodbye."

This was on April 9th of this year. She apathetically responded with, "That's fine I guess." I didn't respond to it because I was really leaving this time. 10 mins later she sent another text saying, "Idk if you got my text, but I said 'that's fine I guess.'" She knew I got her original text, but she wanted to see if I would respond/making it seem like it won't phase her if I left/adding insult to injury. I didn't respond.

2 weeks later I get 2 unknown calls and a text message from her the day after the unknown calls asking, "Could I get my games back? Or you sold them already?" They were two games that if you sold them you'd only get a measly $22 max. That's what she said she wanted them for, to sell them. But when she had them she never played them like that. She was only messaging me to see if she still had her hooks in me. She didn't. I deleted the text and blocked her for good.

I hope this helped. ( ‾ʖ̫‾)

wow i love that! Learn to love yourself because you will not find it in anyone else. hahahaha... .LOVE IT. So true too.

Let me guess... .if you had told her to come pick up her games, she probably never would have. she was just fishing to see if you would respond.

[MrTardyPresent]

Either that or she would've wanted me to mail them to her, but I didn't remember her address (still don't). I wasn't going to ask for her address because that would most likely be a set up. I've seen how some BPDs file unnecessary restraining orders or made some type of false accusation against their hurt exes. I wasn't taking that chance. ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

[SummerStorm]

I was tired of her treating me like a minor acquaintance, instead of someone she once said was the person she'd been waiting for her whole life.  She kept ignoring me whenever I asked her to spend time with me.  I texted,  "I'm tired of accommodating my schedule to fit yours, so just do whatever you want.  You always do."

Hours later, she replied and told me that it isn't her fault I chose to change my schedule to fit hers, that we could make plans,  but she might not feel well and wouldn't want to deal with my "mopey BS"  about how disappointed  I was (she was always canceling or changing plans because she was "sick".  She then told me that I could

"f____ right off" because I am a "poison" and she no longer wanted me in her life.

I stupidly tried to plead and beg with her to calm down, since that always worked before.  She just told me to go away and then told me to stop texting her. That was written in all caps.

It's been a month,  and I've heard nothing.

[Erliquin]

I'm at this point also, cloudten. However, I really don't there's any point wasting your time or energy as they'll just twist your words to suit their own agenda.

Hope you're doing ok, though. Best of luck to you. 

[rotiroti]

I knew arguing or justifying my end would lead to unnecessary hurt or another fight.

Said something like,

"I think it's best we go our own way, good-bye" and left

[joeramabeme]

I am FINALLY about to go NC... .I would like to say something before I do. but I am not good with words.

I need ideas.

What were the last words you said to your pwBPD?

Cloudten, I have been considering this very question as spouse of 10 years is leaving in 2 weeks and I really have no idea what to say other than goodbye. 

For me, just below this question is a motive: what could I say that would finally allow me to get some validation from her.  After 10 years of trying I should know that the answer is nothing.  Emotionally, I am still searching for just the right words.  Intellectually I know that I have said it all and the more I say the more she looks at me like I am the strange one.

Guess we can only get as much closure as we can get and then have to find the remaining unaddressed part for ourselves.  Hope I don't spend an eternity of emotional-hell getting to the heaven of internal peace.

[antelope]

I told her she was a liar and a hypocrite... .I said she plays games with people... .I asked her how it felt that her entire life was a farce... .then I walked away

since the last comment, its been almost 3 years since I've spoken to her 

[valet]

I think that last words are a shallow consolation prize.

Nothing needs to be said; actions speak louder than words, as long as we are not cruel and abide by standards that we want to hold ourselves to.

[Infared]

I told her she was a liar and a hypocrite... .I said she plays games with people... .I asked her how it felt that her entire life was a farce... .then I walked away

since the last comment, its been almost 3 years since I've spoken to her  

I did not know about BPD at the time.  She had run off with new supply and decide onE day to disrespect both him and me by doing a triple drive-by and then pulling in when I was at my place out in the street putting my MTB on my car. I talked to her briefly and she basically, very smugly suggested that I "take a walk with her, that it would not change any thing."

I happily declined saying that that would not be very healthy for me. I asked her to leave.

The situation hurt me greatly... so I met with my therapist to discuss it. I was in a lot of pain.

A few days later I sent her a voice message calmly telling her that I thought that she was selfish, dishonest and cruel. I also told her that I had "thought" that she was this wonderful person but that she showed me that she was not the person that I thought she was at all so, you have a nice life "out there"... .And to just stay out of mine.

One of the most difficult things I ever did, but I did it for me, not to get at her. I had had enough, I needed to state my position. I never talked to her again although she has made many bizarre attempt to do so.  I REALLY have gone out of my way to not engage with her... .I think she may finally have gotten the message. Crazy is what crazy does... .I have made an inner choice to just not be around it.

[apollotech]

A few days later I sent her a voice message calmly telling her that I thought that she was selfish, dishonest and cruel. I also told her that I had "thought" that she was this wonderful person but that she showed me that she was not the person that I thought she was at all so, you have a nice life "out there"... .And to just stay out of mine.

One of the most difficult things I ever did, but I did it for me, not to get at her. I had had enough, I needed to state my position. I never talked to her again although she has made many bizarre attempt to do so.  I REALLY have gone out of my way to not engage with her... .I think she may finally have gotten the message. Crazy is what crazy does... .I have made an inner choice to just not be around it.

I think that's very healthy what you did Infared. You said what you needed to say in a nice way then you closed that chapter of your life. It doesn't matter about how she received it or what she did with it. You got it out of your system. That was healthy for you.

[Infared]

A few days later I sent her a voice message calmly telling her that I thought that she was selfish, dishonest and cruel. I also told her that I had "thought" that she was this wonderful person but that she showed me that she was not the person that I thought she was at all so, you have a nice life "out there"... .And to just stay out of mine.

One of the most difficult things I ever did, but I did it for me, not to get at her. I had had enough, I needed to state my position. I never talked to her again although she has made many bizarre attempt to do so.  I REALLY have gone out of my way to not engage with her... .I think she may finally have gotten the message. Crazy is what crazy does... .I have made an inner choice to just not be around it.

I think that's very healthy what you did Infared. You said what you needed to say in a nice way then you closed that chapter of your life. It doesn't matter about how she received it or what she did with it. You got it out of your system. That was healthy for you.

I really said it calmly... .but I needed to say it. I am sure it did not matter to her... .but it was vital to my healing process. Hell... .she was sleeping with someone else and "sport tormenting" me.  I never in a million years thought that that 5-year relationship would turn into that. Never.

[apollotech]

I really said it calmly... .but I needed to say it. I am sure it did not matter to her... .but it was vital to my healing process.

I agree with you Infared. I think that type of purge, done nicely and constructively, is definitely a boost to the healing process. I didn't do it in my particular situation, and I now know that was a mistake. Hopefully I am never placed in that position again!