one year NC / ex wife's Facebook post

[How to communicate after a contentious divorce...]

I was informed yesterday that my ex BPD wife posted something on Facebook accusing someone of "spreading lies" about her in regards to our divorce.

Haven't spoken to ex in over a year. I don't ask about her or look at her social media. Sometimes mutual friends slip up and tell me things though.

Yesterday someone told me ex posted something a day before my birthday last month. On my birthday last year I decided to go NC. So the day she posted

the comment it was 364 days of NC and a day before my birthday.

I don't know what the post said word for word. My friend was paraphrasing. It was something about how someone was spreading lies about her. Something

about what a difficult time she went through during our divorce. How miserable she was being married to me. And how "happy she is now!" And last, that if

people aren't willing to hear her side of the story they should unfriend her. This post was made just after she posted a photo of her and replacement.

I find the timing strange. I figured she was triggered by my birthday coming up. And, from the sounds of her last contact she seemed to be counting the days

we haven't spoken.

I don't doubt people are talking. Seeing that she started posting photos of her and replacement days after I decided to leave and well before our divorce. Also, I've

told some mutual friends about how she left and the abuse and crazy making she put me through over the course of the 11 years we were together. I didn't do this

to smear her. I just felt I needed to come clean and tell the truth to friends and family. It was healing for me to be heard and I felt it was important for friends to know

what kind of situation I was/had been going through. I had kept the abuse a secret for the whole time ex and I were together.

Now after a year of moving on and healing, I'm being sucked back into the funk. I'm in a place of anger and I fear for what's possibly coming next. I was hoping my

ex had moved on. In her last letter (which I didn't respond to) she claimed she was happy, in love, and had moved on. I was glad (in a selfish way) because I

thought I wouldn't be dealing with her crazy sh!t anymore. It seems she's still dealing with the aftermath of the divorce and the lack of integrity in which she left.

It's unfortunate that she's so far behind in regards to truly moving on and healing from the split. I've worked my ass off in therapy so I could heal and move on.

I can't help feeling this heavy burden because my ex wife choose to take the "easy" path. She made the decision to run off with some homeless redneck and doesn't

want to be held accountable for her actions. All the while painting herself as the victim. And, posting things publicly about our personal life for all to see!

I know it shouldn't bother me. But truthfully, it does  

     

[RisingSun]

I was informed yesterday that my ex BPD wife posted something on Facebook accusing someone of "spreading lies" about her in regards to our divorce.

Haven't spoken to ex in over a year. I don't ask about her or look at her social media. Sometimes mutual friends slip up and tell me things though.

Yesterday someone told me ex posted something a day before my birthday last month. On my birthday last year I decided to go NC. So the day she posted

the comment it was 364 days of NC and a day before my birthday.

I don't know what the post said word for word. My friend was paraphrasing. It was something about how someone was spreading lies about her. Something

about what a difficult time she went through during our divorce. How miserable she was being married to me. And how "happy she is now!" And last, that if

people aren't willing to hear her side of the story they should unfriend her. This post was made just after she posted a photo of her and replacement.

I find the timing strange. I figured she was triggered by my birthday coming up. And, from the sounds of her last contact she seemed to be counting the days

we haven't spoken.

I don't doubt people are talking. Seeing that she started posting photos of her and replacement days after I decided to leave and well before our divorce. Also, I've

told some mutual friends about how she left and the abuse and crazy making she put me through over the course of the 11 years we were together. I didn't do this

to smear her. I just felt I needed to come clean and tell the truth to friends and family. It was healing for me to be heard and I felt it was important for friends to know

what kind of situation I was/had been going through. I had kept the abuse a secret for the whole time ex and I were together.

Now after a year of moving on and healing, I'm being sucked back into the funk. I'm in a place of anger and I fear for what's possibly coming next. I was hoping my

ex had moved on. In her last letter (which I didn't respond to) she claimed she was happy, in love, and had moved on. I was glad (in a selfish way) because I

thought I wouldn't be dealing with her crazy sh!t anymore. It seems she's still dealing with the aftermath of the divorce and the lack of integrity in which she left.

It's unfortunate that she's so far behind in regards to truly moving on and healing from the split. I've worked my ass off in therapy so I could heal and move on.

I can't help feeling this heavy burden because my ex wife choose to take the "easy" path. She made the decision to run off with some homeless redneck and doesn't

want to be held accountable for her actions. All the while painting herself as the victim. And, posting things publicly about our personal life for all to see!

I know it shouldn't bother me. But truthfully, it does  

     

[chill1986]

You've done so well, don't stop now!

You don't really want anything to happen, so just resume NC and the hurt or feeling of being bothered will subside. Even venting on here helps me!

Stay strong RisingSun!

[RisingSun]

Thanks Chill. No, I would never contact her. I think that's what she wants though. She went from being super sweet to downright nasty in an attempt to get me to contact her.

I think this could be another ploy to get me to engage with her. My feelings are that she thinks I check her social media. Which I definitely don't. It seems that she's using this

comment on Facebook to both weed out the ones in her life that aren't enablers and to see if I'll contact her.

Why is it that these people want to hurt us? It almost seems like that's what she's after. To hurt me more than she already has. It's crazy. She saw how devastated I was when

I found out about the OM. She just can't let it go and move on. I told her in my last contact, a year ago, she was free to go and get on with her life. I've done just that.

[chill1986]

I can relate. My ex was the nicest person I had ever met, I didn't feel I deserved her, but she changed. She is so nasty now, she kicked off and said it was annoying to forward me mail from the house she kicked me out of.

She posted pictures of events and parties we were supposed to go to together on fb.

It's easier for them to be angry at us, they believe they are right. My ex hates me, but she is projecting her problems onto me, also push pull behaviour. Just try and ignore it, tell your friends not to tell you anything else she does.

Out of sight, out of mind.

[RisingSun]

My friends see that I've moved on in a big way. So I think that they feel it's safe to tell me certain things. I might need to make the rounds and make sure that

I refresh their memory of the fact I would rather not hear anything about her.

Although, it's catch 22. I've resolved to not even bring her up. So just me confronting my friends with the request of them not speaking of her inevitably

brings her up.

[myself]

I went through this too. Seeing some of her posts, and she intentionally sent me copies of others in personal messages, before I decided to block her. Mutual friends told me of some of the very negative things she's posted since then, but I asked to not be told any more which they understood/ agreed with. One said it was like she was "throwing her garbage around and making quite a show of it". Couldn't believe it was me she was talking about, said it sounded nothing like me.

It's a way for the person posting that kind of stuff to control the story. To not be seen as the 'bad guy'. To release some of their inner emotional turmoil. In a way, it's a strange call for help that winds up making things worse not better.

If it's what you need, to ask your friends to not bring her up anymore, that's a good step for you to take. Better to bring her up this one last time, and be done with it, than to keep getting drawn back in. Better to speak clearly than remain silent. And good for you to be taking such healthy positive steps, in all the ways you are doing so. It does sound like you're letting go and moving on.