Do pwBPD typically hate/reject the non's FOO?

[Family Court Strategies: When Your Partner Has BPD OR NPD Traits.]

I noticed this with my exuBPDgf.

She met them one a few times over 3yrs, but after the 2nd time told me she was convinced my parents didn't like her, so they were immediately on her sh*t list.  After that, certain conversations I had with them was considered a violation of our r/s - i.e. that I should always talk to her first before talking to my parents re things like holiday plans.  She decided early on that she would not make any effort to be sociable or even try to get along.  I felt like I was being manipulated and put in the middle and there was no right answer/way out. I of course didn't stand up and draw a boundary, as I now know would have been appropriate.

I am curious curious how often this negative projection happens in the BPD world.

[search4peace]

I noticed this with my exuBPDgf.

She met them one a few times over 3yrs, but after the 2nd time told me she was convinced my parents didn't like her, so they were immediately on her sh*t list.  After that, certain conversations I had with them was considered a violation of our r/s - i.e. that I should always talk to her first before talking to my parents re things like holiday plans.  She decided early on that she would not make any effort to be sociable or even try to get along.  I felt like I was being manipulated and put in the middle and there was no right answer/way out. I of course didn't stand up and draw a boundary, as I now know would have been appropriate.

I am curious curious how often this negative projection happens in the BPD world.

[SummerStorm]

Before she met my parents, my exBPD would always say,  "Parents love me."

She said "hi" to my dad when she first met him.  My mom came home when we were leaving to get dinner, and when I put my car window down and asked, "You want to meet my mom?" she hesitated before answering.

The first time she stayed over at my house (we were still just friends but were having sex at that point... .it's complicated), she hugged my mom the next morning and started calling her "Mom."  But whenever she was at my house, she barely spoke to my parents.  She would walk in, take her stuff up to my room, and stay there all night.  In the morning, my mom would try to talk to her, but she never said much. Needless to say, my mom wasn't impressed. My dad is really quiet, so it didn't bother him.

After she decided that she wanted to be with me and wanted to live with me, we looked at a house together,  and my dad went along.  She basically took over, acted like she knew everything, and insulted the Realtor behind her back (one of the top Realtors in the area).  My dad wasn't impressed with her behavior at all. 

My mom worked at a mental hospital for three years when she was younger and has seen just about everything,  so she was able to see through my exBPD's BS.  Recently, she said to me, "I knew something wasn't right with her the first time I met her."

After she told me she just wanted to be friends for the third time, she tried to get me to go for a fourth round with her.  She asked if she could sleep over at my house.  I told her no, since she had rejected me too many times and because my mom wasn't comfortable with us having sex in the house.  I'm 29 but still live at home because I've been saving to buy a house.  She replied,  "LOL, I forgot you're still 13." I called her out for disrespecting my parents, and she ignored me.

Projection is a funny thing.  She used to always say that I'm a teenager stuck in an adult's body. Well, she's the one who has moved five times in a year and has no job.  I am getting ready to put a $36,000 down payment on a house (all of it my well-earned money), have had the same job for 8 years, and paid off my student loans five years before they needed to be paid off.  Oh, and I'm less than a year away from getting my Master's.

[chill1986]

Not in my case, my parents loved my ex and she used to text my mum. She's had better conversations with my mum since the break up being really nice and at the same time being nasty to me.

[ugghh]

It's very common. xuBPDw did it all the time with my family.  If there was a holiday dinner or family event she would purposely play games to make us late.  She would always snipe about how my family made her unwelcome - when they actually bent over backwards to accommodate her latest stupid diet or other special request.

If I went to visit without her inevitably my phone would blow up with texts or calls 10 minutes after I arrived.

So glad to have moved on.

[cloudten]

Yes. Mine hated my family without knowing them. He never met my mom (in 3 years!). Mine always claimed to be good with parents and that parents liked him.  From what I saw his friends' parents liked him... .I mean tolerated him. And when he met my dad he did alright... .but he secretly hated them and he wanted me to have nothing to do with them.

[Swiggle]

Sometimes I wonder if they can sense that close family might be "mentally healthy" and will be able to see their BS. If this is true it might make sense as to why so many BPDs are so quick to hate family members. It sets the stage for not having to be around as much, and less likely family will see them for who they really are?

[chill1986]

Mine really liked the fact I was close to my Mum. I think some of her problems started because her mum died when she was young and her dad remarried then her step mum forced her to move in with her gran.

[valet]

My ex idealized my mother.

When her and her own mother were on the outs she would often say strange things comparing our two families, telling me that mine actually seemed 'real' to her.