Anger stage

[Before you can make things better, you have to stop making them worse...]

Yesterday was our 5th wedding anniversary (been together 17 years). I got a text at 2:30am dead tree covered road with fog at the end. I don't have to tell you what I'm pretty sure the deep meaningful was in that. Then a text around 6am saying it was a sad day because she had booked the appointment months ago for us to convert our civil partnership to a marriage. I'm telling you, the only reason is because I nagged until she did it to shut me up. So, I let this text simmer all day. By 6pm I was was angry. She broke NC for this. Games, games, games!

I feel angry. i get what you guys say about contact, honestly I do, but it is so hard. I just want to understand. Closure. I want her to accept some responsibility.

I don't think I've spent more than a day without hearing her voice or reading an email from her in 17 years. It's really hard to just walk away from my life so completely. I miss what I tell myself was good.

I think my idea of working on things while apart was unrealistic. I think had it gone the way I saw in my head we would have recycled maybe more than once, but I think once the pedestal comes down... .it crashes. You all help me so much! Thank you!

[lostjak]

Yesterday was our 5th wedding anniversary (been together 17 years). I got a text at 2:30am dead tree covered road with fog at the end. I don't have to tell you what I'm pretty sure the deep meaningful was in that. Then a text around 6am saying it was a sad day because she had booked the appointment months ago for us to convert our civil partnership to a marriage. I'm telling you, the only reason is because I nagged until she did it to shut me up. So, I let this text simmer all day. By 6pm I was was angry. She broke NC for this. Games, games, games!

I feel angry. i get what you guys say about contact, honestly I do, but it is so hard. I just want to understand. Closure. I want her to accept some responsibility.

I don't think I've spent more than a day without hearing her voice or reading an email from her in 17 years. It's really hard to just walk away from my life so completely. I miss what I tell myself was good.

I think my idea of working on things while apart was unrealistic. I think had it gone the way I saw in my head we would have recycled maybe more than once, but I think once the pedestal comes down... .it crashes. You all help me so much! Thank you!

[Loosestrife]

Yesterday was our 5th wedding anniversary (been together 17 years). I got a text at 2:30am dead tree covered road with fog at the end. I don't have to tell you what I'm pretty sure the deep meaningful was in that. Then a text around 6am saying it was a sad day because she had booked the appointment months ago for us to convert our civil partnership to a marriage. I'm telling you, the only reason is because I nagged until she did it to shut me up. So, I let this text simmer all day. By 6pm I was was angry. She broke NC for this. Games, games, games!

I feel angry. i get what you guys say about contact, honestly I do, but it is so hard. I just want to understand. Closure. I want her to accept some responsibility.

I don't think I've spent more than a day without hearing her voice or reading an email from her in 17 years. It's really hard to just walk away from my life so completely. I miss what I tell myself was good.

I think my idea of working on things while apart was unrealistic. I think had it gone the way I saw in my head we would have recycled maybe more than once, but I think once the pedestal comes down... .it crashes. You all help me so much! Thank you!

17 years is a long time. I'm not sure how you get through it, but the common advice seems to be blocking to enforce NC and keeping busy.  I've been angry today thinking about how selfless I have been and how selfish my SO was

[lostjak]

17 years is a long time. I'm not sure how you get through it, but the common advice seems to be blocking to enforce NC and keeping busy.  I've been angry today thinking about how selfless I have been and how selfish my SO was

I'm getting there. Things keep happening and it helps me remember... .and I'm getting there. I'm gonna be ok and each time I feel a little stronger!

Loose, I know. My ex is so good at deception, she always makes out I am the selfish one... .but I'm not. I was selfless. And I don't mean to sound holy or anything... .but I was. Every breath I took was for her, and it was never enough. How stupid I feel. She took 17 years from me. Used me and when she saw something shiny and new... .turned away. It just plain sucks.

But, I will be ok. You will be ok.