I want to tell my pwBPD that she broke my trust, and that I broke hers.

[How to communicate after a contentious divorce...]

I don't think that it can get more simple than this.

I know that in most of these cases, inaction is better than action.

What does everyone else think?

[valet]

I don't think that it can get more simple than this.

I know that in most of these cases, inaction is better than action.

What does everyone else think?

[chill1986]

What's the objective by doing it? Are you hoping for an apology, to get back together or closure?

[valet]

More for closure and an apology, closure mainly, but I also can't say that I wouldn't get back with her without lying.

[Mutt]

Hi valet,

• She bottles the hell out of her emotions. When things started going wrong I would ask her to talk and she would either stonewall me or pretend that nothing was wrong. Eventually, she would explode in nonsensical ways about her feelings changing, but be perfectly fine the next day and thank me for listening to her. Anytime I would proceed to ask her what we both could do about her feelings, she would blow them off, saying that it had nothing to do with me, even when I believe it did.

You know her better than anyone on the boards. What are the chances that she may bottle in her emotions and stonewall you? How would that make you feel if she may not give you closure if you ask?

[joeramabeme]

I don't think that it can get more simple than this.

I know that in most of these cases, inaction is better than action.

What does everyone else think?

Interesting, my pwBPD traits and I had this conversation when we were still talking about our feelings back in December.  She acknowledged that the problem in our marriage was lack of trust for one another.  However, the conversation could not progress further than that.  The 2 roadblocks that got in the way were, I was the one at fault and she could not look at her own part. 

This is one of the traits of BPD, it is difficult to take responsibility for feelings because it opens the door to experience the hidden feelings of low self worth that lie at the core. 

Even if you could have had the conversation with her, it is unlikely that she would have been able to complete it or respond in a way that would have provided a sense of comfort.  My uBPD wife is a very kind soul and also very insightful, but when it comes to seeing who she is all bets are off.  This is part of the disorder and part of the acceptance I need to practice of who she is.

[valet]

Hi valet,

• She bottles the hell out of her emotions. When things started going wrong I would ask her to talk and she would either stonewall me or pretend that nothing was wrong. Eventually, she would explode in nonsensical ways about her feelings changing, but be perfectly fine the next day and thank me for listening to her. Anytime I would proceed to ask her what we both could do about her feelings, she would blow them off, saying that it had nothing to do with me, even when I believe it did.

You know her better than anyone on the boards. What are the chances that she may bottle in her emotions and stonewall you? How would that make you feel if she may not give you closure if you ask?

Hey Mutt, I'm thinking that outside of the context of our romantic relationship, she would open up if prodded in the correct way. Chances are low in my estimation that she would exhibit similar behaviors. Maybe this is naive, but it is my instinct.

Either way, positive or negative response considered, it would give me a better direction. In many ways, I still don't feel that I know who my ex is. I am searching for a definition. When those lines are clearer I think that I will be able to stop.