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Topic: Working up to it (Read 535 times)
Charlee
Fewer than 3 Posts
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What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Parent
Posts: 1
Working up to it
«
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July 17, 2015, 10:44:51 AM »
Hi,
So I'm completely new to this. A little background; I grew up with a parent with BPD. Growing up I always knew that my family was different, but more specifically my Mom was different than the other moms. My child/adolescent mind couldn't figure it out completely. I knew that she was more withdrawn, didn't nurture like the other mom's did, she didn't like to be touched, and I often felt afraid that I might set her off into one of her violent rages. If I did not present myself in a complementary manner to her I was belittled, which happened often as I was an overweight adolescent. It wasn't until my early 20's when I lost a ton of weight that she started to take an interest in me and my life. She was always very concerned with how other perceived not only her, but her kids, my father, our house, and so on. I remember many times my parents would fight, and at times it would get physical although my father never laid a hand on her. She was the one that hit and would throw things at him. I remember one time, they had been fighting pretty badly. I heard what sounded like dishes breaking and I walked into the dining room were they had been fighting and saw my mom and dad standing toe to toe and my father crying, angry, and bleeding from his lip and my staring him down in anger. Several times the cops would be called to our home because of the violence between my parent and the violence she would inflict on us and they would threaten to take me away for a "cooling down" period and I would decline. I would resent the police for not arresting her or taking HER away; she was the one causing all the pain, she was the one hitting us. She would get violent with everyone in the house for things that we didn't think would cause her so much anger, but if we didn't meet expectations or if we let her down, or if she took something we said or did wrong there would be a price to pay.
But, after 34 years, doing some research, being able to look back with a more educated perspective I am finally starting to understand that all those years it wasn't my family that was different, it was my mother and the dynamics that she created that made our family different and broken. I survived, because of my father. He was sick for many years and it seemed that as shortly after I turned 21 he let go and passed away; I wonder if he wanted to make sure I would survive her. My brother on the other hand has struggled with addiction, he's clean now and is learning to deal with his emotions instead of numbing them with substances. I pray for his recovery.
Growing up this way there brings a sense of shame that I feel, I don't want to tell my in-laws the details of my childhood, I don't want pity, but rather have them just understand why I am the way I am. Why I'm guarded and not extremely open. In time I will be able to be more open about what I went through and seen. I'm working up to it and this seems to be the first step.
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WhippingGirl
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What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Sibling
Posts: 13
Re: Working up to it
«
Reply #1 on:
July 17, 2015, 11:27:20 AM »
Welcome, Charlee.
I do not have much in the way of advice to offer because I, too, am just now putting the pieces together to see that my mother and brother are both BPD. While my mother wasn't violent, per say, she was an emotional vampire who always made everything about her with little to no regard for my feelings. Her emotional well being was my responsibility. My brother, on the other hand, is quite violent with extreme outbursts of rage and hatred that have involved verbal and physical attacks on others including myself.
You have come to a great place to learn more about this disorder and the impacts that it has on families. I am finding in strength in seeing that I am not alone and that I should not feel obligated to carry this burden and take this emotional abuse anymore and neither do you! There is a wealth of info available online, lots of books, and some very educated people here on this board. Kudos to you for taking this first step down the road to discovery!
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