Now I'm white today

[Bpdwifelife]

I guess the storm has passed and uBPDh has painted me white again. I am back to being his "everything" and though I'm glad I'm not painted black today I can't muster up much enthusiasm or appreciation for all this nice treatment after the hell of last week. I'm glad I stayed at the house instead of leaving. Yes I lost a few house plants which I'm sad and upset about but if I would have left the rage would have escalated. I was able to talk to him a little last night about how upset I am over not being able to communicate my feelings to him - I mean I can't even write him a letter because he won't read it. I did encourage him to continue with therapy and explained that if he kept going he would learn skills he needs to have a healthy r/s with me or someone else or friends family etc skills like empathy which he confuses with sympathy and I explained how they were not the same thing and what the difference was. I let him know that I need a partner who can be there for me emotionally and not devalue me when angry or abuse me and that if he refuses to continue therapy he won't learn those skills. I got through a little bit but he's easily confused. He was tossing and turning in bed last night and I knew he wanted to have sex and wanted me to initiate it but I didn't. Same thing this morning so I just said it. If you want to make love which I know you do then initiate it stop making me initiate all the time so he did and now I can do no wrong today he's just all huggy kissy all over me. I've already heard "i love you" ten times and we haven't had breakfast yet. As I'm typing this he just said it again from the other room. It's hard to reconcile the contrast between yesterday morning and this morning. Not that I am not glad that I get to have some calm and peace today. It's raining heavy outside and he's got some soft music playing and is making breakfast so I feel I can recover over the weekend from last weeks hell and hopefully I can get him to agree to therapy again. My friend made a good point she said "I bet he will become jealous when you start therapy next week and will want to start going again so he's not left out" hmmmmmmm I hope so because it was helping him so much and he needs it.

[Samuel S.]

This is the whirlwind relationship that we as non BPDs have with our BPDs. As you aptly put it, it is "hell" when they want to take out their rage upon us. Then, when they are drained of their rage upon us, they may realize that you exist, that you have been the brunt end of their rage. So, they go "huggy kissy", do nice things, in order to apologize in their ways. If they were to continue being nice, then, it is easier, not easy, to not be affected by PTSD from their continous raging upon us. Yet, there is a lull for a while, and they resume to make it a toxic atmosphere in the home.

The only good thing that he is doing is to be involved in therapy, but that is only good if he practices what he learns, namely to be able to listen to you, to allow you to feel you don't have to walk on eggshells.

I commend you for sticking it out, to hopefully see some positive, permanent changes in him. I just hope and pray that he sees the light to treat you humanely and that you are still there. You have been very patient!

While my BPDw does not rage, she is verbally abusive and neglectful. She has her so-called therapy from a "medium-counselor" for the past 10 years more or less, but my BPDw still continues with her negative words and avoidance, because she is so busy with work and studies.

I truly do believe that our BPDs are afraid of intimacy, but they need it so badly. So, when they feel that everything is too good or that they are in a comfortable, loving relationship, then, they just do their best to explode the relationship. Happiness is something they really can't live with, not alone to be loved on a continuous basis without rocking the boat - again!

[Loosestrife]

I couldn't cope with the niceness after being treated black for weeks on end, whilst my own BPD was carrying on with the rest of their life as normally and happily.  I started to go insane. You seem to be finding strength where I could not.

[Bpdwifelife]

I've been white since Saturday morning - this is pretty much the longest stretch of consistent "whiteness" and it worries me. I can feel H's mood shift a bit today as he has been telling me he loves every 30 minutes or so and I find it rather annoying and it's hard to keep saying it back... .I am working for goodness sakes! He just wants reassurance. He said "tonight s movie night - your pick!". Well its never my pick and whatever I chose will start a fight so I am wondering if I am going to fall into a trap here 'round "movie time". Just having to think so carefully about what movie to pick as to not start a fight is really exhausting - like I have time to peruse Netflix and have 5 or 10 options that he can pick from is "too much candy for a dime" if you know what I mean... .but I digress. Hope everyone is okay today. Thanks for listening.