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Author Topic: I think I am having an emotional breakdown  (Read 2019 times)
cloudten
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« on: July 19, 2015, 10:20:00 PM »

Well... .its been a tough week. Went nc. Then got nearly raped by someone I thought was a friend. And now this.

My replacement is official and is someone close I suspected all along.

I cant even begin to describe the depth of despair I have right now. What the f*ck? I'm sorry moderators. There is just no language other than that.

I need an off switch to my life. I want this nightmare over.

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cloudten
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« Reply #1 on: July 19, 2015, 11:26:33 PM »

I think the worst fallout of all is the replacement. Based on other posts I have seen and now 2 serious real breakups for me... .the worse part is not the NC, it's the replacement.

I think my reasoning is that it's because I wanted aND frankly still want it to be me and the reality is that it's not and never will be me.

I cant stop crying. I mean I guess it's good this happened so soon... .because if it would have happened a month or two from now, it would have set me back to here.

I am on the floor in agony. When will all this horrible sh*t stop happening to me?
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cloudten
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« Reply #2 on: July 19, 2015, 11:29:06 PM »

And I think part of the agony over the replacement is how fast and serious it happens. Its astonishing. It leaves us wondering "didnt I mean anything to you at all? Because I am here wallowing in silence while you have just latched right on to someone else like a leech."

I am so broken
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MrConfusedWithItAll
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« Reply #3 on: July 20, 2015, 12:17:30 AM »

The replacement is very difficult to deal with however it is necessary to consider that it is not about you at all. They fear abandonment so much they have to swap you out for the next one. It is very sad.
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letmeout
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« Reply #4 on: July 20, 2015, 12:27:36 AM »

Do you really want such a fake person in your life? Did that make you happy? Why did that make you happy? Seriously, think about it.

There are real people out there that are not dysfunctional who make much better friends and lovers.
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« Reply #5 on: July 20, 2015, 12:31:06 AM »

I'm sorry, c10, that you are in pain over being replaced so soon, cruelly even. It's devastating to realize that a person we love is so fickle with their emotions. Who do you have for support? My Ex thought it would be Forever. That I was The One. Turns out I was not, despite 2 kids, so she moved on, after a fairly short r/s. It's emotional survival. It's how they cope.
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Kwamina
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« Reply #6 on: July 20, 2015, 03:01:18 AM »

Hi cloudten

Well... .its been a tough week. Went nc. Then got nearly raped by someone I thought was a friend. And now this.

That's a horrible experience, the fact that it was someone you considered a friend only adds to the shock and horror. I am very sorry this has happened to you. How are you doing now after this incident? Have you considered perhaps taking action against this person by reporting this to the police?

I need an off switch to my life. I want this nightmare over.

A lot has happened in your life in a short period of time and I think it's only natural and logical that you would want this pain to stop. I am glad you are reaching out for support here as you try to move through the pain and heal yourself.

I think my reasoning is that it's because I wanted aND frankly still want it to be me and the reality is that it's not and never will be me.

You are all of a sudden finding yourself in a total new reality. Going through this transition isn't easy. your pain is understandable, after having envisioned a certain life for yourself it's very hard to now let go of that. Accepting the current reality and the changes in your life means letting go of that other life you had envisioned and on some level still long for. That isn't an easy thing to do at all. I hope you are able to treat yourself with some self-compassion as you deal with all of this

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« Reply #7 on: July 20, 2015, 03:12:52 AM »

Hi C10

I'm going through an extremely difficult time atm as well and had a huge emotional breakdown last week. Practical advice I can give you right now based on what's helping me is I went and told my doctor everything and got a plan underway for my anxiety/stress, coming on here has been a huge moral help. I've also finally reached out to a friend and my mum although I find I can be more honest on here.

I have a different way of looking at ur replacement issue which seems kind of insane. I'm at the stage now in my relationship where I'm trying to leave and i am struggling to follow thru I keep running back. Based on past occasions, my partner has always "lined up" an ex gf whenever we've been rocky and he's ended up cheating and coming back to me. Horribly part of me this time round kinda hopes he does it again so it can make the detaching process easier for me. I'm trying to look at it selfishly. Maybe instead of being devastated that you've been replaced you can look at it in more of the sense that there is a barrier there now from this person that has broken you and this is your chance to get distance to gain perspective? It's a devastating situation and nothing is going to reassure you emotionally but maybe the practical sense might help xx
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sas1729
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« Reply #8 on: July 20, 2015, 07:34:59 AM »

Hey cloudten,

I'm sorry for what has happened  It sounds like it's all coming down at once. It is a lot to deal with. You're doing great just by sharing with us. Considering the replacement issue, I want to add my voice to what others have said. I know it sounds trite and meaningless right now, but I really think it's not about you but about him. He's probably not capable of the deep love and devotion that you had for him, so this is more about his own issues than about what he feels for you.

I want to suggest something that may help. It helped me. After I broke up with my BPDex I was left feeling used and yet missed her very much. I wanted to be with her and I constantly wondered if I made the right decision. I felt that my own self-worth was trashed. So I created a profile on a dating website. It helped me for two reasons. The first is that I had a chance to write about myself and be proud of it. It was great to write about everything that I liked and who I am, considering that a lot of it was suppressed during the relationship. The second is that I saw that there is a world of people out there, not just my ex. It's not so much about actually dating at a time like this as it is just to remember who you are, your good qualities, and see that there are many people out there who could potentially value you.

It's a suggestion that may not work for everyone. I mention it because I remember wanting to be back with my ex. Making that profile helped show me who I am and what I have to offer, which in turn helped me to overcome my ex.
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LimboFL
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« Reply #9 on: July 20, 2015, 08:07:41 AM »

C10, I can't even begin to imagine that someone that you might have considered a friend tried to take advantage of your clear vulnerability. This is absolutely disgraceful. While I would advise action on that front, at this point, it is you that needs the most attention.

I think that it is absolutely critical that you keep, almost chanting, to yourself that the emotions that you are experiencing are absolutely and completely normal. Excruciating but par for the course, on your path to healing. You MUST continue to remind yourself of all of the insane things your ex did to you. Push these thoughts forward and constantly remind yourself that this is exactly what he is going to do with the replacement, who is likely finding out exactly what all of that means. Whenever a loving thought comes into my head about my exBPDgf (we lived together for essentially 4 years), I replace with with something she did to abuse, whether it was verbal or physical.

I am now almost 7 months out and if you train your mind to push out the good, the not so good will be what prevails, to the point where you don't care what he is doing or with whom. It is all easier said than done. I loved and still love my ex but every day without her I am gently grateful because I am not living under those pressure cooker, egg shell walking conditions anymore.

If you have been on this site long enough you know that you are in the FOG and also know that you will come out of it. Get angry and just keep reminding yourself that the replacement is either living, right now, the horrors he inflicted on you or will very soon. If she is even close to as smart as you are, she will kick him out of he life too.

You can and will survive this and life WILL get better. If you still have any memories of him in your home, throw them all out. No matter how strong the draw is at the moment, the first page of the next chapter in your life needs a beginning, so begin to write it, word by word. Part of my healing, besides the kind of tear flow that I had not experienced in many many years, included anger and hatred (all under my breath), whenever I missed her, I would actually converse with myself "what is wrong with you, do you not remember... ."

Last but not least, do not allow your ex to have this much control over you. Does he deserve your love? You can and will find a man who will help you heal and who will treat you as you deserve. Your ex, however, will simply continue to walk through life leaving a trail of destruction and heartache. We all worry that they will change and somehow be "cured" that the replacement will enjoy only the good, which is why coming here and reading story after story after story reminds us that the replacements inevitably and often very quickly end up suffering the same difficulties that we did. It ends up just being about how long they last, will they have the love and endurance that we did? I doubt it.

Baby steps. Talk to yourself in the mirror (I know it sounds cheesy but it helps), remind yourself of the horrors and question yourself.

Keep coming here to talk.

Hugs.
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Mutt
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« Reply #10 on: July 20, 2015, 09:03:05 AM »

Hi cloudten,

It's astonishing how someone moves on so quickly. I'm sorry to hear this
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brian111
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« Reply #11 on: July 20, 2015, 12:05:42 PM »

After drinking way too much caffeine and sleeping way too little I had the most terrible thoughts and feelings the other evening. The thought "I am losing her forever". She did replace me with someone who was in the backburner. We were already divorced but were still friends and I ended it. I could tell by the major time delay of her responses with me there was someone else.

The pain hit stronger than anything ever. It felt like light was being squished out and I was surrounded by darkness. My heart hurt so much I thought it was physically being damaged. It was an excruciating experience. But you know what? I LIVED THROUGH IT. I went to a friends house and talked with him who knows the situation. We watched Hot Fuzz and I laughed my ass off.

Do whatever you need to, to get over it. Counseling and friends can help immensely. Also there is a website that deals with some of the most painful thoughts. It really does work. www.thework.com

Life will get better even if it is nanobits at a time. I was kicked out, divorced by my BPD ex, forced to move to my home city 3.5 hours away. I now see my kids only 2 times a month. My sweet girls 8 and 6 years old. My mother has been in 2 mental hospitals since I have been here. My brother barely quite heroine and I hope it is for good. So a freaking LOT to deal with.

Out of all this, the pain over my BPD ex is by FAR the worst part. NO CLOSURE. NO EMPATHY. NO ACCOUNTABILITY.

They are sick and unless they get help (which is out of our control!) they won't get better.

Life WILL get better. Do not give up! You could rise out of this like a damn PHOENIX and have a life that you didn't think was possible. I am not just saying that. Some great people in history, and also entertainers, businessmen, etc have been through some seriously TOUGH CRAP. This can all refine and better you if you let it.

If you have never been religious, try and go to church. Go somewhere where people are about helping other people. Swallow your pride and get better.
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leroux1818

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« Reply #12 on: July 20, 2015, 03:39:52 PM »

Dear Cloudten,

Thank you for sharing this horrible situation. I'm horrified a friend would attempt to force sex upon you. I can't imagine having that situation heaped upon being replaced. I myself just found out I've been replaced--multiple times apparently--and the gut wrenching horror of that, shocked me for three days, until I collapsed on my floor, and sobbed for hours. I think even the neighbors heard my wailing. I'm still processing this terror and betrayal. Your sharing of this has helped me feel a sense of camaraderie. As they all say, keep posting and reading. It seems everyone here is here for you. If I could, I'd give you a giant hug! Take care of yourself, and remember what you are feeling is normal to such maltreatment. Smiling (click to insert in post)
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hojo53

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« Reply #13 on: July 21, 2015, 03:36:05 PM »

Do you really want such a fake person in your life? Did that make you happy? Why did that make you happy? Seriously, think about it.

There are real people out there that are not dysfunctional who make much better friends and lovers.

I'm fighting this battle right now as well. But when I come back to what you said here, it makes it a bit better. My replacement is an ex-felon, drug addict who is looking at doing 10 years again in the not so distant future.
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hojo53

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« Reply #14 on: July 21, 2015, 03:39:46 PM »

Like my grandfather told me this past wknd to try and comfort me... .

"Sometimes you have to withstand the fire in order to make gold."

My wounds are very much fresh like many here, but am confident that I'll get through... .we all will!
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Loosestrife
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« Reply #15 on: July 21, 2015, 03:58:05 PM »

Hey cloudten,

I'm sorry for what has happened  It sounds like it's all coming down at once. It is a lot to deal with. You're doing great just by sharing with us. Considering the replacement issue, I want to add my voice to what others have said. I know it sounds trite and meaningless right now, but I really think it's not about you but about him. He's probably not capable of the deep love and devotion that you had for him, so this is more about his own issues than about what he feels for you.

I want to suggest something that may help. It helped me. After I broke up with my BPDex I was left feeling used and yet missed her very much. I wanted to be with her and I constantly wondered if I made the right decision. I felt that my own self-worth was trashed. So I created a profile on a dating website. It helped me for two reasons. The first is that I had a chance to write about myself and be proud of it. It was great to write about everything that I liked and who I am, considering that a lot of it was suppressed during the relationship. The second is that I saw that there is a world of people out there, not just my ex. It's not so much about actually dating at a time like this as it is just to remember who you are, your good qualities, and see that there are many people out there who could potentially value you.

It's a suggestion that may not work for everyone. I mention it because I remember wanting to be back with my ex. Making that profile helped show me who I am and what I have to offer, which in turn helped me to overcome my ex.

A psychologist friend suggested this to me.

cloud ten - please go to see your doctor if you are struggling. From what I have read on leaving posts this should pass, but in the mean time you need some help to get through this  
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