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Author Topic: IS the push/pull what leaves us in denial?  (Read 427 times)
problemsolver
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What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
Posts: 212


« on: July 21, 2015, 02:23:13 PM »

My exBPD basically conditioned me to think she would always come back for one reason or another... There was times where I thought hmm that was interesting but I'll never hear from her again then out of the blue she would msg me... .So when it finally "ended" I couldn't/didn't really believe it . . . 45ish days no contact currently ... and sometimes I still wonder if I'm stuck in the denial phase even though I feel that without a doubt she has moved on and put me in the past without a second thought.


Thoughts does P/P leave us in denial?
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Heldfast
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Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
Relationship status: abandoned December 22, 2014
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« Reply #1 on: July 21, 2015, 02:39:04 PM »

We all seem to prefer to remember the good and ignore or minimize the bad. So yeah, denial is easy, because for everything they've done to drive us away, we seize on how awesome they were with us. She's moved on my friend. If she wanted to be with you, really, guess where she'd be... .good luck, stay safe, and remember that you don't have to understand the nature of the poison to know it's not good for you. Don't drink it.
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"Chaos is not a pit. Chaos is a ladder." - Lord Petyr Baelish
joeramabeme
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Who in your life has "personality" issues: Romantic partner
Relationship status: In process of divorcing
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« Reply #2 on: July 21, 2015, 02:42:14 PM »

Thoughts does P/P leave us in denial?

I think it leads to confusion which makes it hard to know what to expect.  This feels like denial if you think about it, after all, she came back and forth so many times how do you know that she is not going to again?  It is all very sick!  Probably easiest to just make up your own mind on what it is and stay with that, at least that can be predictable.
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joeramabeme
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Relationship status: In process of divorcing
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« Reply #3 on: July 21, 2015, 02:45:22 PM »

. . . because for everything they've done to drive us away, we seize on how awesome they were with us.

. . . remember that you don't have to understand the nature of the poison to know it's not good for you. Don't drink it.

Heldfast - Well said!  Why is it we hold on to so little sugar and are so willing to take so much sh!t?
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SummerStorm
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« Reply #4 on: July 21, 2015, 05:47:54 PM »

Yes, I believe so.  In the back of my mind, I kept thinking, "This isn't right.  She keeps choosing her boyfriend over me, so she obviously loves him a lot."  As soon as I would get to a point where I was starting to accept this, she pulled me back in again. 

After a while, I basically started telling myself, "Well, here we go again.  I'll just wait this out for a few days, and then we'll be back to her wanting me again."

I agree with what joeramabeme said about the confusion it causes and how that leads to us not knowing what to expect.  I was confused, my parents were confused.  One second, I was going to live with her.  The next second, I wasn't.  I couldn't understand why she couldn't just be with me.  I couldn't understand why she was having such a hard time choosing, especially when she told me all kinds of awful things about her boyfriend. 
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