I cannot do this anymore, her Blame Obligation Guilt Saga continues, Im done

[daz_bpd]

After sending her money on three separate occasions since wednesday last week, and setting out a specific guideline for how it is to be spent to ENSURE she has spare cash for food and medication (if need be). She messages me that she is broke again and begins the same pattern... .

Her Pattern:

1. Blames me for her situation

2. Threatens to leave and go "___ somebody else" that will take care of her. (Either actually does that or not - I don't know for sure).

3. At some point her anxiety, stress, and 'illness' re-appears and she needs more money for medication and to go to the hospital. Several times before, her illness disappears when money is sent or she goes to the clinic and returns shortly after.

4. Becomes increasingly hostile, angry, hating me to a point where communication with her is impossible.

5. Tells me her ex treated her better than me (and she had cheated on him).

6. Stops eating her food and tells me she won't eat until I send her money (hunger strike)

7. Threatens self-harm

8. Begins to 'vomit' although im not sure what when she hasn't eaten. Its self-inflicted, self-induced nausea. Her anxiety and stress overwhelms her and she passes out.

i simply do not have the money, or emotional capacity to deal with her anymore, nothing I do helps. Validating her, eases things a little, but she still makes the same financial blunders and she is very manipulative and controlling.

Can I please be forgiven or forgive myself for abandoning her?

[rotiroti]

Can you blame someone for taking care of themselves?


no.

[ReclaimingMyLife]

There is nothing for which to be forgiven.  You have intended her no harm.  If she harms herself because you left then she is at fault.  Not you. 

There is a difference in standing against someone (her) and standing for yourself.  You are not standing against her.  You are not trying to hurt her.  Punish her.  You are simply standing for you by taking care of you. 

How could we possibly, rightfully expect, encourage or insist that our pwBPD's take care of themselves and their well being if we are unwilling to take care of ourselves and our well being?  We must practice what we preach.

You are taking care of you.  You are not intentionally harming her.  There is a very big difference.

You do not need forgiveness.  You need applause for taking care of you. 

[myself]

In some ways, her pattern continues because you're helping it happen.

[Turkish]

In my experience, if that bad with money, then always that bad with money. I went through this with my mom for years... .until I turned off the spigot.

In doing for her what she should have done herself, I stifled her growth. You'd be surprised what some people, PD'd or not, are capable of doing to survive once they have to rely on themselves.